Tips on How To Talk To Girls

Well its Wednesday aftanoon here in New Zealand and as I reflect on my weekend in Hamilton and make a plan for this weekend. I thought I would share a few techniques on how I have gone about picking up a girl with one that worked a bloody charm on Saturday. I have compiled a list of some ideas that I have put into play that have actually worked for me and hey, if they work for you guys great! I guess if any girls are reading this, this could be a list of what to look out for when a guy with tattoo’s approaches you ;p

  • Try a fake accent.

If the clubs really loud and you’re only looking for a hook up Try a fake accent, wear something from the country whose accent you’re trying to pull off or if you’re lucky like me point to a tattoo of an Irish shamrock, and say you’re from Ireland! I was just talking to the girl I slept with about this on facebook and she thought it was a legit accent.. Hi Ashleigh 😉                                               

  • Pretend you’re a fireman.

Going out in a volunteer fireman’s shirt helps. Girls LOVE a guy in uniform. Although real fireman HATE this and will embarrass you if they think you’re a fake.

  • Make Tattoo Business cards.                                                                                                                                       

Make sure it’s in another region of New Zealand or where ever you are from. Hand them out to girls in the club; make sure it has your number on it. This is probably one of the best ways to get talking to a girl in a bar or a club – as long as you can spin a good story. 

  • Shout a group of girls drinks all night.

I really don’t recommend this at all unless its $2 shots night then and only then splash out. I’m still paying for this after shouting a horde of girls a round of “whatever they wanted” turns out whatever they wanted cost $120 bucks, fuck!

  • Go on a club tour in the city you are in. 

Auckland use to have a fantastic one called ‘The Big Night Out’. It’s targeted at tourists but anyone can go. For $25 they take you to all the best clubs as a group stopping at each one for a shot or a drink. Unfortunately they relocated to Queenstown but looking at their facebook it looks bloody fantastic. This is a great way to talk to girls as the organisers make you do different fun social activities which is always a good time! 

  • Meet up with Girls off Social Media

Jump on Tinder arrange to meet a different girl at a different club throughout the night. If the first one is weird move onto the second one! This is what i’m planning to do this weekend I just hope they bloody turn up!!!

So there are a few things I have done that helped me mingle with girls. Truthfully just being confident and honest is the best bet for anyone but fuck anyone can use a couple of tweeks in their game to meet a gal Happy Dating!! 

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Sleeping with My Mums Friend….Almost

As much as I enjoy writing and sharing all about the good times I have had scoring girls and how I have gone about it, I have also had some shameful experiences. This next story happened back before I had tattoos and before I had sneaky ways to pick up girls, like pretending I was a tattooist.

I had just turned eighteen, here in New Zealand when you turn eighteen you can buy alcohol and go clubbing. I was still living with mum and dad in Tauranga so it was extremely hard to bring a girl back to my place and I had never actually tried to at this point.

I was in my final year of college. Half of my friends had already turned eighteen, they were raving how good going to town clubbing was so I was desperate to go. Finally it was my birthday and off to town I went. Back in these days the now closed Grumpy Mole night club used to pump. As I first entered the club it felt like a whole new world. Fake smoke mist had surrounded the dance floor and the loud obnoxious sound of the Black Eyed Peas pounded deep into my ears. I had never seen people dance in the club only in movies, it was so weird. You have all different types of dancer, the boy’s pack which is a bunch of guys dancing in a group searching around with their eyes on the lookout for girls. The next is the girl group, they dance in a group but usually they aren’t on the lookout for guys – they remind me of Zebras oblivious to the male lions stalking them. Then there are the couples, usually dirty dancing and kissing each other. I HATE these ones. Go home and have sex, I don’t wanna see you practically fucking on the dance floor!kissingd

Anyway the dancing freaked me out so I went outside to the smoker’s area. I had already pre-loaded with a box of Double Brown beer before town so I was pretty happy. Suddenly I hear a squeaky voice yell out “Sean!”  It was my mum’s friend Carol. She came staggering over sloshing her glass of wine everywhere. She practically launched at me and gave me the biggest drunken hug ever. I saw my two mates giving me the thumbs up behind her back. “what are you doing here” she said half slurring her words. I explained to her I am eighteen now and this was my first night out. I’m not sure if this turned her on or what but she thought it was awesome that it was my first night in town and proceeded to take me onto the dance floor and dance with me.  A little about Carol – she is my mums friend from tennis. She is this lady in her mid-thirties; she has long luscious black hair and an amazing sporty figure. She is known for loving her wine and being a bit of a party animal.

We continued dancing and she finally bounced on me in this young club, shoving her tongue down my throat. All I could taste was cigarettes and the sourness of the wine she was sculling back. We continued dancing the rest of the night until 3am. I asked her what she wanted to do now. She asked if she could come back to mine, I reminded her mum and dad are home but she insisted she would be quiet so off to get a taxi we went.

We got home and started tip toeing down the hallway to my room. Finally we got into bed and started kissing. I went down on her, she must have completely forgotten about my parents being home because all of a sudden she started moaning so loud. All of a sudden I hear loud footsteps and bang! The door swings open and mum and dad are standing there. Mums eyes go from half asleep to as wide as golf balls. “SEAN!! What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” before I could say anything she recognised who it was there with me. “Carol??!!!!”  Walking over she grabbed Carol by the arm, ripped her out of my bed and began yelling at her. She eventually kicked her out, I quickly texted Carol saying I had ordered her a taxi at the end of the road. “You go to bed now, we will talk in the morning” mum said before shutting my door. In the morning Dad talked to me suggesting it might be a wise idea if I got my own place, mum never brought the Carol situation up again, safe to say they we not friends anymore. I didn’t care about that all I cared about was mum seriously cock blocked me, cheers mum!!!

Meeting Mountain Women

I decided to go on a holiday down to Napier. The Taupo-Napier Gorge is a hard drive especially in winter. The corners are unforgivingly sharp, mix that in with black ice and you have a recipe for some dangerous terrain. Driving down this time I was super tired and I was mucking around on my phone texting. I totally misjudged one corner going far too fast. I hit the brakes but slid off the road. I ended up in a paddock with luckily only a bloodied nose from smashing it on the steering wheel. Thank god for AA roadside rescue but what a waste of a day – it took 3 hours to get the car out of the paddock. Nothing was too wrong with it surprisingly and the AA guy said to take it to the garage immediately when I get to Napier. Yeah right, I thought. I’m getting on the piss!

I eventually made it down to Tim’s with my car looking a bit worse for wear. Tim had begun seeing a girl so he promised to be my wing-man when we went out so we decided to gear up for a big night. We went to the local Liquor Land bottle store to get some beer, the indian behind the counter looked exactly the same as the guy in the Hamilton and the Tauranga one – in fact I’m certain it’s the same guy!   We got back to Tim’s and I started chatting with someone off NZ dating which is a New Zealand dating site. So before we went to the clubs I thought we might as well go and meet this girl and her aunty. They lived up on the Napier Hill and before we arrived there me and Tim joked and said they would be simple mountain people, imagine dwarf’s off Lord of the Rings that had been raised in west Auckland then moved to a mountain. Well when we met them that’s definitely what they were.images4WKT5AUR They were already skin full of liquor, downing straight vodka. There were no pre mixed drinks for these dwarfs. As we walked through the door a strong stench of cigarettes and cat piss engulfed my nostrils, I could barely breathe. While Tim chatted with the aunty I went to the nieces room. There was no chit chat needed she knew what she wanted and we got it on, that’s all she wanted as after we finished she simply said ‘You can leave now’. Damn, I felt like a piece of meat and I kinda felt sad almost. I got changed and went back to see Tim. The Aunty causally asked me “is she done with you?” I nodded. She then asked if I was ready for round two with her! “No thanks’ I said. She then told us to leave and that was that’s.  These mountain folk are a weird bunch I thought with a smirk!