My Gypsy Valentines Date Recap

If someone had told me before I started live tweeting my dates that I would end up going on a date with a gypsy, I would have shook my head and said bullshit. Now before you go shaking your fists at me and saying “there is nothing wrong with gypsies” I had a preconceived idea what a gypsy was from watching reality tv and films. But these New Zealand gypsies are cool fun loving people. We have the annual gypsy fair roll into town once every year, I hadn’t been since I was young so I decided to go. I went with my mates on Saturday as I wanted a new necklace. After browsing a few stands I spotted a fairly attractive women doing face painting outside of one of the wagons. After surveilling where she was working for 5 or so minutes I noticed she had no wedding ring and only two older people in the wagon which I presumed were her parents. After working up enough courage I approached her and asked if I could get my face painted, she looked up at me with a really welcoming smile on her face “what did you want me to paint” she said laughing. “How about your cell phone number” I said laughing, hoping that if she had a boyfriend or wasn’t keen I could point at my mates and say they dared me too. “Oh you are so sweet, how about I just give to to you” she said. Boom! That’s how you do it and now that I had her number it was time to set up a date.

We texted each other for the rest of Saturday, and before long I asked her if she would like to go out for a bite to eat on Valentines. She said she will asked her parents as when it’s the weekend she needs to make as much money as possible to sustain them for the next week. Fast forward to lunch time Sunday and I got the confirmation that she will be able to come for dinner, yay now let’s begin the #ValentinesDayDate recap.



After a few drinks at my flat I got my flatmate to drop me off at a bar in Tauranga, not wanting to get out I waited in the car until she texted and said she was there. The first thing I noticed when I greeted her with a hug was holy shit she has just taken a fucking bath in incense sticks Jesus Christ it was some strong smelling shit.


She seemed like a really down to earth out going girl to begin with and then this happened.



As I was rambling on about my tattoo’s she holds my arm looking at them and then sees something she doesn’t like (the scab) and just picks the fucking thing off. “Ewww yuck” I say laughing in shock, “yeah it was bugging me” she says smiling thinking sweet fuck all about it. Bugging her?! Who the fuck picks someone else’s scab off them on their first bloody date. Just as my scab started weeping dinner arrived and made me forget about the whole thing, I later found out she loved picking scabs. Weird. Dinner was nice we enjoyed a few more drinks until I decided to see if she wanted desert – and that’s when she said this that made me go as hard as a fucking rock…..


My dick began to grow and grow, “Oh I will call a taxi then” I said trying to play it off as casual as possible. “Hurry up” she whispered “I wanna fuck your brains out”. I have never wanted a fucking taxi to pick me up as fast as I did right then!


When we got to my house I went for a pee, I thought that I would have to put a movie on before we would get into playing hide the sausage but oh how wrong I was. As I approached the bed she undid my jeans and proceeded to give me the most amazing blow job, so good in fact I had to stop her at one point as I thought I was going to explode. She then told me to get naked and lay on my back and for the next half an hour she rode me like a fucking horse, it was amazing. She was amazing.


Afterwards she broke the news to me that she would be leaving tomorrow so she wouldn’t be in Tauranga for at least 8 months to a year. That made me sad, this chick was awesome and she knew what she liked and she gave one helluva blowjob! And I’m not even much of a blow job fan (see this blog and it explains why In the morning we had one last shag and I bid her farewell….or so I thought.

Later on Monday she texted me and said she had some good news; the gypsy congregation weren’t leaving until Tuesday now!! She told me to clear my schedule because she was going to cum, I bloody hope so! She brought a candle over and poured the hot wax on me, which kinda fucking hurt but at the same time turned me on so much. She then made me pour it on her…bad idea. She had a wee bit of fluff down there and instead of pouring it on her stomach I accidently poured it on the top of her vagina “ahhhhhhhhhhh” she screamed, that was the end of the candle foreplay. Apart from that the sex again was amazing, she really knew what she was doing on top. So that sums up my Gyspy Valentines Date, its safe to say I had a bloody great Valentines.


50 Shades Of Pain

With 50 Shades Of Grey out in cinemas this week (don’t act like you didn’t know!!!) I thought I would share a story about one of my experiences i have had with a dominatrix woman. Mucking around on NZ dating one night feeling like getting up to some mischief i clicked on the sexual meetings tab and saw a picture of an older women who would of been in her late 40s. She was dressed up in all her latex dominatrix gear and her tag line said ‘come and have all your dominatrix fantasies fulled’. This looks like some freaky shit I thought to myself and with alot of contemplating I decided to message her. I got a response almost straight away, we messaged back and fourth for about half an hour and we arranged to met up at her place. Luckily she lived just one road over so I nervously had a couple of beers and a few shots, jumped in the shower and headed over to hers. When I got there she greeted me in her costume which looked pretty cool. After she greeted me she began to act and told me “Get on my bed now!” I wasn’t going to argue, I quickly made my way to her bedroom. It was intense in there, all the walls and the ceiling were painted black. There were candles lit everywhere, on the walls were an abundance of whips and chains. “Drink this” she commanded, after taking a huge shot of this green extremely potent liquid I asked her “what the hell was that?!” with an evil smirk she replied “abthinthe 90 percent alcohol, its to loosen you up boy, now strip! Take all your clothes off”. This was crazy but I was digging it, i started to feel pretty drunk after this and my memory isn’t every good but i’ll try my best to recall what happened.

She made me lay on my stomach which I thought was weird but that hard liquor had gone to my head so not thinking twice I laid on my stomach. She then instructed me put my arms up by my head, she tied them to her headboard. “Let us begin” she whispered in my ear. With that she got what felt like a bloody western cracking whip and proceeded to lacerate my back. Luckily when we were chatting earlier she gave me a safe word if it was too sore so after about ten lashings i yelled it out – “Purple!!”. She stopped for awhile and went outside to have a smoke. After awhile she must have come in because the next thing I knew hot candle wax was being poured onto my lower back into my crack “Purple! Purple! I screamed. I heard her chuckle, “I need another one of those shots please” I asked. She gave me one while I was on my stomach as if it was cough medicine being giving to a kid. I started feeling really drunk at this stage, I recall egging her on to whip me harder. I started falling asleep as time went on. Suddenly I felt something wet being applied to my anus and then suddenly I felt extreme pain!! “arhhhhhh” I screamed and looked back to see she had equiped herself with a strap on dildo and began to thrust away on me. “Purple fucking purple!!!!” I screamed in pain. She pulled it out and I yelled “un tie me un tie me, no more please no more” She was apologising and told me she had told me what she was about to do, and I hadn’t said no, hmmm probably because I had fallen asleep! I told her not to worry and it was just a supprise. I quickly got changed and got out of there. Duck walking out with my back and arse in immense pain. Ususally when you are drunk the alcohol masks the pain but this was so painful. When I woke in the morning a wave of intense pain hit me. I quickly rushed for my stash of codeine I still had from getting a wisdom tooth out. My butt was so sore but what was more sore was my back, I looked on my bed to see a few of the lashes inflicted had weeped blood. My back looked so brutal, for the next couple of days I stayed in bed in pain. Its safe to say she never heard from me again and i’m not sure what type of guy would come back for seconds I mean I didn’t even get to shag her….although she did shag me ;( PURPLE!