Now if you thought the last bloody was too PG this one is definitely going to be NSFW because the night, I Spent in Austria was fucking mental! We left Germany on the bus at the terribly early time of 7.30am. My head felt like it had been skull fucked by a cactus, but my other head was pretty satisfied with last night’s events minus the intense itching JK. We were greeted in Hopfgarten by staff a Contiki owned Hostel, they were stoked to see us and informed us that they were putting on a party for at the hostel bar.
We started drinking pretty much as soon as we got there, I went down to do laundry but every dog and their fucking owner was there, so I thought fuck it and joined the crew in one of our rooms. We had some weed left from Amsterdam, so we smoked that, then one of the girls had brought some legal mock cocaine so we had that too, note to self don’t do synthetic shit again.
When I got down to the bar at 6pm I was bloody legless but the drinks were cheap, so I kept on going hard. Another Contiki group was there as well- If I wasn’t so drunk, I could’ve lined up a pretty juicy threesome apparently, but it was not to be as I lost them in my drunken haze or they steered clear of me, probably the later.
Now this part was I was sworn to secrecy as I could get someone fired so if you’re reading this keep it quiet, yeah?
So, I started chatting to one of the Contiki staff that worked there who so happened to be from New Zealand. As the party ragged on towards the early hours of the morning, we snuck back into the Contiki Staff quarters. We started shagging in her room, from what I remember it was great, I spelt the alphabet out with my tongue and then jumped on top and did my best impression of a drowning rat. Thrusting every part of my body around trying to impress this fellow kiwi. The next thing I remember is dreaming as if I was swimming at the local pools back home, what a great dream, a nice warm pool… I awoke to the realisation I defiantly was not at the local pools; I was in a pool of my own bloody piss. “oh fuck” I yelp as I start realising what had just happened, I turn over to see if the girl was also enjoying my pool party but no there was no sign of her. I quickly grab my urine-soaked clothes just in case she was coming back with a fucking axe and waddled my fat arse back to my room.
As I began the trip back to my room I couldn’t get out of the staff quarters, every fucking door was locked. I pulled and pulled on one door with all my might, my little willy n balls flopping around everywhere. “DUDE WTF?!” a fellow naked guy gasps as I fling the door open. Whoops thats a broom closet and thats a guy getting his dick wanked 😳. I try a few other doors stumbling into a room of used mattresses (Probably where the piss covered mattress will end up). Fuck me this place is locked up tighter than my arsehole, finally when all hope seemed lost I see a ausfahrt (exit) sign and navigate my naked self back to my room.
Thank god we were only staying there for a night! The next day we jump on the bus with everyone looking pretty worse for wear and take off for Italy 🇮🇹