I Have A Girlfriend… Had

3 days have passed and I’m still feeling sick to my stomach. No it wasn’t the result of drugs, pills or dodgy sex; I got dumped. Yes I had a girlfriend for three whole weeks, the longest relationship I’ve been in for a long, long time.

It all began when I met this girl over in Scotland back in August. We had kept in contact ever since with her eventually flying to New Zealand to be with me. For the first week or so everything was amazing, the sex? AMAZING, everything you could dream of, blowjobs, toys, biting and even the odd finger up the bum. The second week, well fuck me, if you have ever thought someone has a different personality when they drink, think that but times a hundred.

The first night of meeting Jen’s drunk personality happened at the local fishing club. Every second week me and the boys go to the local fishing club for a catch-up and to participate in quiz night. Jen got shit-faced quickly and began loudly asking to suck my penis in front of all the other teams. My mates were looking at me wondering who the fuck was this girl I had invited?

She then attempted to take my penis out of my pants and suck it in front of the place. Now, take into account there were families there, this was fucked. I put this night down to her being nervous but two nights later shit was inexcusable – although surely just this would’ve been to most people.

So the dreadful night was finally here, my mates were having a party at their house, what a perfect time for them to meet my new girlfriend Jen I thought. We go to their place and everyone was having a good time, drinking beers, listening to music and dancing.

We all then decided to head to town, at this point I noticed Jen’s drunken alter ego was coming out as she let me finger bang her in the taxi on the way to town, something her sober self would detest. We went to the local bar club called The Mellick, the live band was pumping. Jen was being social, talking to a couple while the rest of us were enjoying the band. I went to get us a drink and turned around just in time to see Jen leaving with the couple! “Where you going babe?” I said, thinking maybe she’s just going outside for a ciggie. “Going back to their place for a threesome” she said bluntly. Ya fucking what?! Before I could stop her, she was in the taxi and on her way home with them.

That night for me was the lowest of lows, wasn’t I good enough? Is she actually having a threesome? What the fuck just happened? Am I dreaming? Well most of those questions got answered in the morning when she finally answered her phone “oh my god Sean, I am so

sorry” she messaged.

She went on to admit she had slept with the couple and tried to make me believe she regretted it.

Well suffice to say we broke up after that night and she was on her way back to where she came from. That’s me done with relationships for the foreseeable future, that really gave me self doubt about myself and make me question a lot of things. Time to get back to tinder, shagging and making music, bring on the summer!

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The Proposition

Wow what a great weekend it has been, my Mum asked me what my plans are for Easter. With a smirk I said “The same as Jesus: disappear on Friday, show up on Monday.” I headed to Napier on Good Friday, the roads were packed with families all going in different directions for the long weekend. As I went through the Napier Taupo gorge I passed the paddock were I had crashed before in the blog ‘Meeting Mountain Woman’ and noticed a sweet new fence had been constructed with a home made sign saying ‘SLOW DOWN!’ when I got to Tim’s I was greeted with a cold beer and a manly hug. We began chatting about the good old days. I asked what exactly are we doing tonight, and with a grin Tim told me we are going to one of his girl mates 21st birthday parties – fucking sweet i thought! We arrived at the party already half cut, they had booked out this huge hall and it was packed! We started mingling, I was riding Tim’s coat tail for a bit which was getting boring following him around. Finally somebody asked me what I do for a job, I quickly went through all the jobs in my head I could be but came back with the most trusty answer ‘Im a tattooist’ I replied with a smirk. I was finally the “it man” with everybody wanting to talk to me about what they wanted to get tattooed. As the night was getting on, I was becoming the life of the party joking, dancing and chatting to everyone, at one stage I’m pretty sure the granny wanted to shag me but lets not digress. Tim suggested we stay at the party over going to town as there was a sweet bar tab, I wasn’t going to complain everybody was loving this (fake) tattooist. Two of the people I were hanging around with the most were this couple Erin and Dan I think their names were. She was smoking hot but he was kinda nerdy, I found out it was her birthday so I brought over a round of shots which went down a treat. These two kept disapeering which I found annoying as they were the two I was hanging around with. After the third time I asked them where they were going. With a cheeky smirk she replied quite bluntly “for a fuck, i’m a nympho” shocked I replied “whoa, nice!” As the party was wrapping up I looked at Dan, the poor guy looked buggered. I toddled off to the toilet, I started going for a leak when heard a voice behind me “can I asked you of you would be interested in something?”. It was Dan, I put my snake back in my pants turned around and nodded, he continued “well as you know it’s Erin’s Birthday today and she has always wanted to have a threesome with two guys”. Oh shit I know where this is going, he paused and took a big gulp then followed with “would you like to come back to ours with us? I think you would be perfect because your not from here”. Fuck me this took me by surprise. Now normally I would say no but thinking of this blog and what a great story it would make I agreed.
Dan went back to tell Erin the good news, she hugged him, grabbed his hand and ran over to me “Lets go home” she grinned grabbing my hand too. As I headed towards the exit I yelled out to Tim “I’m going home with these two” he looked at me with a puzzled grin as if to think “what the fuck for”. As we got back to their place I noticed Dan was as uncomfortable as me “we don’t have to do this bro” I said “na na I owe her since for my birthday we had a threesome with her girl mate”. What a fucked up relationship I thought, what ever happened to a gift voucher or some bloody flowers. We all got naked, I had no clue what the limits were so I just stood there like a twit, she began to give as both oral which was great…. if the bloody light wasn’t on. Poor ol Dan couldn’t get it up but me on the other hand was standing to attention, so Erin decided to have doggy style with me while still performing oral on Dan. I asked again before I started “you all good with this bro?” He nodded so for the next 15 minutes I shag this poor guys girlfriend in front of him even making her climax. God I was feeling for the guy. After we finished he went all weird and said he wanted to sleep now so not wanting his sadness to turn to anger I quickly got dressed and said goodbye and hiked back to Tim’s.
Well apart from sleeping with a girl the following night who filmed me snoring, that was probably the most interesting thing that happened on my Easter weekend. Thanks for reading!

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