Surgeon Date Recap

So these last two weeks have been pretty bloody tough to be honest, my nephew is basically in hospital permanently now which sucks. He is up in Auckland at a hospital called Starship, which is about 3 and a half hours from where I live.Luckily my boss is pretty chill and lets me drive up whenever I ask. 

I met a surgeon up there you in the cafeteria, we got talking and I let her know why I was there and that I was from Tauranga. She mentioned her parents live in Tauranga in a suburb called Matua and that she would be coming down for the weekend. I asked her if she wasn’t too busy if she would like to get a drink when she’s down; she smiles and says of course, yeahhaa boy!

We start texting and Snapchatting for a few days leading up to our Friday date with her even sending a naked snap which was bloody lush. On the Thursday night after she sent the nudie snap we got talking about sex and she asked if I had any fetishes. I must’ve sounded fucking boring as I couldn’t think of any. I asked her if she had any, her reply was weird and not very forthcoming. “I do but most people find it really weird so I don’t tell them until they know me well” she said.

Well fuck me, it could be anything a lot of weird shit started going through my mind. What if it’s poo porn? What if it’s humping a pillow porn, foot porn, shoving things up guy’s arses? – oh God not again.

After pressing her for a bit she wouldn’t reveal what her fetish was so come Friday I was slighty nervous and so was my bung hole. The chemistry was instantly noticeable when we started drinking, me pretending to be dumber than I am, asking stupid questions about surgeries etc. I again asked her what her fetish was but she wouldn’t tell me. After half a dozen shots of tequlia she opened up “I like to masturbate over those Dr Pipple popping videos, please don’t laugh” um what the fuck? Even in my drunken state I knew that was fucked up and all I could say to pretend it wasn’t too fucked was “oh well at least you’re not into poo porn”. I changed the subject pretty swiftly after that revelation.

Come midnight we taxied back to mine and, me being the gentleman and trying to support her fucked-up fetish, I asked her if she wanted to watch one. “Omg yes please if you don’t mind, there is a new one out I haven’t seen where she bursts a massive cyst.” I put the Youtube clip on the TV and she immediately starts fucking me, first with me on top, but she can’t get a good view of the TV. So she jumps on top and reverse cowgirls it. Now picture this fucked up situation; On the TV is a massive fucking cyst on some unwashed fucker’s back getting popped and then look at us, this chick is jumping up and down on my doodle organsming over this filthy shit. No amount of hotness would make me want to do this again but hey she fucking loved it.

After we finished I immediately turn the TV off as she gushed “that was the best sex ever”. All I could say was “that’s nice” because quite frankly that was one of the weirdest bloody things I have ever been a part of! 

Shite on the dance floor

Girls don’t like it if ya leave them in the club for long periods of time nor do they like it if ya fart during sex. Well this past weekend both of those things happened last night
I had been messaging this girl for a couple of days off of this new dating app called Bumble (surely whoever made that app could’ve named it something fucking better them bloody Bumble) when I thought fuck I’m getting bored with all this chitchat bullshit, I’ll just ask her out. She said yes, I got her address and promised to pick her up at 10pm that night. Around this time my stomach began playing up, feeling really tight, but thinking it was just indigestion, I thought nothing of it. 

I took her to the rugby flat where several dozen people had congregated earlier to watch the Maori All Blacks play the British & Irish Lions. We started pre-loading before going to town, doing shots of homemade spirits to doing funnels of beer, shit was getting hectic. We all decided it was time to go when my mate Bazza decide to tackle the wall; the wall lost. 

When we got to town the majority of us got declined entry at most places but luckily my mate knew the bouncers on the Bahama Hut nightclub door so in we went. We started dancing or attempting to, the place was packed, my stomach began playing up again. I thought I would let it out with a hard satisfying fart…. 

 

Arhhhhh Sqeeze Arhhhhh

 

PLOOP…. OMG 

 

FUCK

 

I’ve shit myself.

 

I bolt to the bathroom, pushing past people feeling the runny shit dribbling down my inner of my pants. I get to the toilet, pull my pants down and it looks like a fucking bomb had gone off in there. Still pretty drunk and not wanting to cut the night short I grab my soiled undies and take them with me back to the nightclub. Just before I spot my date I drop them on the dance floor and shuffle over to her. “Where have you been!” she wails. “Taking care of some business in the loo” I yell to her over the loud music, “I thought you left me!” she said.

Now back to the soiled undies as we continued to dance I saw these shitty things get kicked to all corners of the fucking club. It was like a beachball at a concert only shittier. Whoever the poor cunt was at the end of the night that had to do clean up I’m sorry.  

I took the girl back to mine with my stomach feeling better after emptying it at the club. We start having sex which by all accounts was great and then it hit me halfway through, I need to fart but I don’t know if a fart is all that will happen. I try holding it which made it worst and eventually it falls out. BURRRRRRRRTTT luckily it was just a fart but it was a loud bastard. “Ewwww get off, you’re disgusting” my date said, getting up and dressed “ring me a taxi”.

All I could think when she left was, I’m glad she didn’t see the shit that happened at the bloody club if she thought a fucking fart was disgusting! 

Mullys Vasectomy

As I sit looking down at my still bruised balls I can’t help but think did I do the right thing getting a vasectomy at 28…Fuck yes I did!!! I have two girls to a former partner, and recently I got two fucking “I think I might be pregnant” scares from two different ladies, so freezing some juice and getting a vasectomy sounded like a bloody good idea to me!

After the initial consultation where the doctor asks the standard questions like why do you want this and have you though this through, he fucking described in detail how he does the surgery, step by step, snip by snip. That actually nearly made me back out of the whole thing, too much information!

D Day came around quick; I got my dad to drive me to the doctors. The only other time I think I have felt that nervous was right before the tattoo needle went into my penis. I got called into the doctor’s office; he gave me two Valium and put some numbing cream on my balls then back to the waiting room I go to wait for the surgeon to prep and let the Valium take effect.

While waiting, I got myself so worked up and nervous that I felt dizzy as then suddenly Bam! The Valium kicked in and I was happy as Larry. I was called in to surgery and was more than happy to take my pants off, I was in such a non-caring state I probably would’ve let him stick a cheeky finger up my bum and check my prostate, I couldn’t give two fucks, it was great. The surgeon asked me what music, music artist and album I liked to which I said hip hop, Eminem, Marshall Mathers LP. So there I was getting my balls shaved whilst Eminem’s Kill You played in the background, was I high or was this actually happening. Oh it was happening because as soon as the song Stan came on I remember a painful tugging going on down there and being the curious guy that I am, I had to look. As I looked down I saw that the surgeon has pulled out a massive fucking tube thing and was chopping a chunk off it and it fucking hurt! Yeah so he had numbed my balls skin but this fucker hadn’t given me a local injection or anything. “This shouldn’t hurt” he said looking at me a little concerned “well fuck me it does mate!” I replied in pain. I later find out it really CAN hurt depending on a lot of different things. Thinking he was done I let out a sign of relief “Ok and now for the other side” he said “fuck me i thought we were bloody home and hosed” I replied. Thank my lucky stars the other side didn’t hurt at all and just felt like a little pulling sensation. After he was finished he left the room and let me get changed by myself. I lay there for a moment naked feeling like a cheap date that had been told to clean up and get out. I looked down at my poor nuts; the left side was already dark purple.

The next few days after having this done was difficult, every step hurt, sleeping hurt, sitting hurt, not masturbating hurt and sucked. After about a week my balls were swollen… not because of the surgery but because I couldn’t have a bloody crank! Well the first time I did it HURT!! With a mixture of blood and cream shooting out. I immediately ring the doctor and luckily that is normal. You will be pleased to know that last weekend I put it to the ultimate test and I can safely say Mulligan’s back on the horse!

The Filthiest Bits Of 2016

Merry Christmas and a happy new year!! here is some of the most terrible, most shocking most filthiest bits that made up my 2016. If you enjoy this I might even recap 2015 and 2014… let me know….. Enjoy!!!

31.01.2016 Brothel Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/01/31/brothel-date-recap/

As I got out of the shower I strolled out to find her sprawled out on the bed, she put a condom on me then told me which positions she would do – which was fucking limited “you on top, me on top” she informed me, not even doggy style!?!

I decided to go on top, which started off ok until she decided to make fake moaning noises. So bad that even a low budget porn director would tell her to fucking stop! Now add in some terrible and I mean TERRIBLE dirty talk, shit like “oh you’re a big boy” and “wow this is so good” and now you have the worst 30 minutes of my life. It was so bad that I even fake came just to get this shit over and done with. As I pulled my penis out I gave it a quick sniff and it smelt like 3 day old KFC that had been left in a hot car.

18.02.2016 My Gypsy Valentines Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/02/18/my-gypsy-valentines-date-recap/

She told me to clear my schedule because she was going to cum, I bloody hope so! She brought a candle over and poured the hot wax on me, which kinda fucking hurt but at the same time turned me on so much. She then made me pour it on her…bad idea. She had a wee bit of fluff down there and instead of pouring it on her stomach I accidently poured it on the top of her vagina “ahhhhhhhhhhh” she screamed, that was the end of the candle foreplay.

27.02.2016 Blonde Canadian Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/02/27/blonde-canadian-date-recap/

As I walk into the bathroom she is waiting/pretending to check her makeup just in case I was someone else, we go into the toilet locking the door. We kiss for a bit then she sits on the loo and begins to give me a Canadian blow job minus the maple syrup. During the bj I look down and notice the entire floor  we are standing on is covered in piss which my jeans that were around my feet are soaking up, fuck sake. Too busy to do anything about it I continue to enjoy the oral I was receiving,. She finishes sucking on my Bonita banana and takes her undies off, she then bends over putting her hands on the dirty toilet and tells me to put it in, you don’t have to tell me twice.

I start thrusting back and forth, my feet splashing about in the urine puddle and then it happens, we both hear the door to the bathroom open. We both freeze as we hear footsteps sounding as if they were coming right for us, shit we are getting kicked out I thought. Luckily it wasn’t one of the staff coming to see what the hell we were doing it was just some female going into the toilet next to us. We continue to fuck as quietly as we can, we hear her pee stream begin, thinking that she is just peeing we shag on .Then the unthinkable happens – I hear a fart and then splash, SHES DOING A FUCKING POO!!!!! The Canadian doesn’t even give a fuck. She looks back at me as I’m standing there grossed out, “keep going” she whispers. Another fucking splash, but we keep going.Then the fucking stench begins to wofffle over, fuck sake. I pull my shirt over my nose as I try hard to cum so I can bail out of here, but my pre date wank is making it difficult. Another loud fart and a huge splash ensues, come on mully I think to myself we have to get the fuck out of here as the stench grows stronger. I finally cum as the lady beside us is grabbing for the toilet paper to wipe her arse after the massacre she has left in the toilet.

22.03.2016 Vajazzled: The St Paddies Day Blog

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/03/22/vajazzled-the-st-paddies-date-blog/

We somehow got on the subject of vagazzle which if you chuck that odd sounding slang word into google (which I should of done) it comes up with this – ‘adorn the pubic area (of a woman) with crystals, glitter, or other decoration’.

We head back to the backpackers and start the foreplay, I go down on her and in my drunken state I’m like a dog licking up water on a hot day, my tongue going fucking everywhere. I end up having a mouthful of vajazzle beads which for the next day and a bit I’m still finding them wedged between my teeth.

08.04.2016 Dominatrix Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/04/08/dominatrix-date-recap/

She served me up a drink in a metal cup and forced me to drink it. It tasted strong like a mix between jagermeister, absinthe and pineapple juice, what ever it was made me feel pretty numb. After polishing off the cup she snatched it off me “break times over, now get on all fours on the bed” she said pointing to the bed. So here I was balls dangling freely, hairy arse open for the world to see. After about 5 minutes she comes back in but she’s not alone – she has a big BLACK STRAP ON connected to her costume.

“OH FUCK THAT” I said breaking character

“Silence! This is happening, slowly but surely you are getting this” she said.

I started thinking what the fuck am I doing, what the fuck am I doing?! I feel a cold sensation on my bum; I turn around and she is bathing me in anus relaxant lube!

23.05.2016 Mully Dates International Ed – Sydney Pt.1

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/05/23/mully-dates-international-ed-sydney-pt-1/

We end up having sex and the sheep shagger comment is still annoying me, so I flipped her around in doggy style and showed her what a sheep shagger could do with a tablet of viagra in him. She fucking loved it, so without thinking I grabbed her tits and whispered in her ear “I drive a holden” she started thrashing about “you bastard!”.

27.05.2016 Mully Dates International Ed – Sydney Pt.2

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/05/27/mully-dates-international-ed-sydney-pt-2/

Things go down hill pretty fast though as the larger friend of her group decides to pull her away from me and tells her its time to call it a night. Everyone else in the group seemed to be having a great time but fucking chunkimus prime decided to shut the fucking fun down and go home.

23.06.2016 Pokémon Go Date

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/07/23/pokemon-go-date/

Well it’s safe to say she rode me like Horsea, her Jigglypuffs looked amazing. As she played with my Pokeballs I could feel myself about to Squirlte but managed not to. It wasn’t long though until I learned ‘Water Gun’ and splashed it everywhere. As I left her place I thanked her for giving me a Cubone but told her she was just another Magicarp…I was looking for a Gyarados!

28.08.2016 From Crab Tree to Vag Pee

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/08/28/from-crab-tree-to-vag-pee/

So he starts going to town eating this girl as if she was a 2am bloody kebab, she begins to get wetter and wetter and louder and louder. All of a sudden she lets out a huge moan and boom she cums/pees right down his throat. I awake from my coma to the sound of Darren yakking his guts up, I wander into the toilet and see him fast down in the bowl, “you alright D man?” I ask, no reply, I then wander into her room and I can smell urine. “What happened to Darren?” I ask the girl. “I was cumming” she said in a sad voice “but my bladder was full and I ended up peeing.” EWW WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

26.09.2016 Ex Girlfriends Sister Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/09/26/ex-girlfriends-sister-date-recap/

We started shotting a tray of tequila shots, which after the fourth one made me vomit in my mouth a little. I kept giving her shit saying “your sister is way wilder” and then she looked me in the eye with a naughty grin “I bet she never did this.” She then went under the table we were sitting at and started undoing my pants. My eyes started darting around the room to see if anyone in the packed bar was watching, luckily no one was.

08.10.2016 Mully vs. Australian Rugby Girls

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/10/08/mully-vs-australian-rugby-girls/

Once we got back to their room, they threw me onto the bed and begun getting unchanged. What happened next was a fucked up mixture between sex and a game of footy.

04.12.2016 CranKING

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/12/04/cranking/

So yes, you guessed it, I jumped at the chance. With a roll of toilet paper in my hand and my pants around my feet ol’ Mully cranked one out in the private lap dance room to some classic Jenna Jameson Loves Brianna Banks early 2000’s porn. This was some bloody weird shit, It was as if I was at the semen clinic trying to rub one out. After about 10 minutes I popped my top, wiped myself off and bid the stripper owner goodnight.

CranKING 

INTERNATIONAL TATTOO EXPO: Wahooo I head off to it. The expo was held in New Plymouth, which is a 4 hour boring as fuckery drive through farmland. Sheep after sheep after fucking sheep, I started counting them which was a big mistake as I started to fall asleep. 
After a quick rest stop I injected a can of Red Bull into my system and off I went. I arrived in New Plymouth at around 4pm on Saturday. I found my backpackers with reasonable ease, even though New Plymouth has a fuck tonne of one way streets – which makes it bloody difficult to drive when ya stupid GPS tells you to turn down them! Fuck! 

I started drinking at my back packers almost immediately. I made friends with a German dude who couldn’t speak a lick of English. Funnily enough he knew the word penis and the phrase “let’s have a fuck”… Yes he was gay. No I didn’t sleep with him. 

After a few more beers I headed off to the tattoo expo. I arrived there and felt like a kid in a candy store, so many amazing artists creating amazing works of art. I took my time walking past each artists admiring their work. I saw Manu Vatuvei (famous Rugby League ) sussing out what to get. I told him “no point mucking around here mate, you need to get back on the park and work on catching a fucking ball”. He just looked at me and walked away hahahaha. 

I left the tattoo expo at 9pm and headed into town to a night spot called ‘Our Place’. Now during the day I had been on Tinder asking all these girls where they are drinking tonight and at least 4 of them said ‘Our Place’. Now me not knowing the New Plymouth scene I thought they meant they were drinking at their own fucking place… idiot. 

After doing the whole club thing for an hour or two I was in the mood to see some boobies…so off to the strippers I stumbled. Now here comes the funny part… when I got up to the strip club the place was fucking deserted, I saw one dude behind the bar swearing away to himself whilst holding his phone up to his ear. “Are you guys open?” I asked. He glanced over to me and said sadly “technically we are mate but the girls haven’t shown up for work.” What type of useless girls was he employing? Feeling sorry for him I bought a beer and had a chat admitting I was after a private lap dance with possible extras as this place operated as a brothel too. “Dam these girls” he said shaking his head “They have probably cost me at least 5 grand tonight with everyone I have turned away.” Now here comes the funny part, I told him I had already taken a Viagra and joked I would have to stumble back to the backpackers and rub one out. He stopped for a minute and said “Mate I can help you with that”. Startled I quickly said “oh no no I’m all good mate, I don’t swing that way”, to which he laughed and said “Nah mate neither, but I do have a TV in the private lap dance room and a porn I can put on for you”.

So yes, you guessed it, I jumped at the chance. With a roll of toilet paper in my hand and my pants around my feet ol’ Mully cranked one out in the private lap dance room to some classic Jenna Jameson Loves Brianna Banks early 2000’s porn. This was some bloody weird shit, It was as if I was at the semen clinic trying to rub one out. After about 10 minutes I popped my top, wiped myself off and bid the stripper owner goodnight. 

Well if having a crank in a strip club was on my bucket list its been fucking ticked off now!

Sleeping With A Follower

“Hey thanks for the follow Tattooed Mulligan x” this was the first private message I got from one crazy crazy follower I have on twitter. It all started about a week ago, after tweeting out a funny joke I thought I would follow a few people who had favourited or retweeted the joke. Almost immediately up pops a message from a pretty attractive girl I had just followed. We did the back and forth chatting and favoriting each others posts, you know just the usual odd shit you do in this day and age to seduce someone.
We continued this for the next few days chatting and even exchanging naked selfies. After rugby training last wednesday I checked my Twitter and I had a message from her “Boo, I’m heading up from Wellington to see you xo” Sweet! Time to get back in the game I thought. After a few beers with the rugby boys at the local bar I texted her my address (bad idea) and headed home. I remembered on the way of my last hook up which turned out to be a guy posing as a girl, I really hope this one is legit. I got to my place, jumped in the shower and within moments of hoping out I heard a knock at the door, the moment of truth had arrived!
I opened the door and to my surprise she looked exactly like she was meant to! I invited her in, exchanged pleasantries, had a few drinks and then she asked “Can we have sex now?” You don’t have to asked me twice! The sex was pretty good nothing to write home about, or blog about. Afterwards we both fell asleep or so I thought, I woke up to the most fucking loud snoring, “I’m sleeping with a fucking frieght train” I thought. I jumped on my Twitter and I was shocked to see she had posted photos of herself with an asleep me to her followers (luckily she only has 200 but still). The posts read something like “sleeping with blogger Tattooed Mulligan #love” What the hell, I quietly grabbed her phone trying not to wake the freight train. Yes! No password protection, I went onto her camera roll and what I saw creeped me out, this weirdo had taken selfies with my Tattooed penis!! What the fuck! I immediately deleted them all, deleted her twitter post, woke her up and verbally threw her out of my house. Through all the commotion of kicking her out she couldn’t understand what she did wrong, laughing it off as if it wasn’t a big deal to which I replied “Maybe take a photo when i’m actually conscious would be a start” With that I slammed the door on her and went back to bed.phonecall
Since then I have blocked her on Twitter but have I have still had hundreds of texts and phone calls. Today after coming back from a run I had 13 bloody missed calls. Why aren’t there any normal girls out there???

Sleeping With A Celebrity

Before I start this story, I used to think that this was such an achievement and I would constantly brag about it to my mates. But looking back celebrities are just like us just with a lot more money and ego!

My friend Luke is a doctor in Auckland and he always bugs me to go up there and drink with him, I always made excuses when he asked me as he goes to all the swanky night spots on the Viaduct. The Viaduct has all the fancy clubs and bars where all of the ‘in’ people fester. I prefer the tourist clubs that have $2 shots and $4 beers.  I finally caved in and headed up from Hamilton to his place. He had a pretty cool apartment one street off Queen Street. We started drinking at his, preloading before we got into town.  Luke was drinking top shelf whiskey mixing it himself with coke showing off how well off he is. I could care less cracking into my double brown beer cans, nothing tastes better!

He asked what I was wearing to town with half a smirk on his face. I pointed to what I was wearing a pretty nice t-shirt with jeans and white shoes.  “You can’t wear that” he chuckled. He ended up giving me one of his dress shirts, dress pants and black shoes and away we went.

We met up with a few of his doctor mates at a bar called Bubble Champagne Loungebubble. The beers were $9.50 each, luckily my mate was shouting – I defiantly wasn’t going to complain. Suddenly this chick walked in with a couple a friends, I instantly knew who she was. She was off a show here in New Zealand called Shortland Street. Now, if you’re not familiar with Shortland Street I envy you!! It’s a New Zealand prime-time soap opera centering around the “real” Shortland Street Hospital. I quickly googled her to see if she had been in any independent films that the average Shortland Street fan wouldn’t really know about.  I had already got my drunken swagger on so I decided to go say hi. “Hi!” I yelled at her “I think your pretty awesome” she was pretty drunk or wasted herself she hugged me and said “thanks so much”  I continued and said ” I thought you portrayed your character in that film you were recently in really well” . She was surprised that I had seen it as it hadn’t got a theatrical release in cinemas as was one of those independant films. I continued to stroke her ego like this for the next half hour.

Finally my mate Luke came over and asked if we were going to our next bar, I asked her if she would like to come and she said yes. I was nervous with excitement. I quickly transferred $200 from my savings hoping that this could buy at least two bloody beers at the next place. It was going off at the next club; I think it was called Kermadec, or something like. I quickly got us shots and we continued talking. She suddenly asked what I did for work with no hesitation I blurted out tattoo artist. She totally dug that thank god. We started dancing and soon we began kissing. She asked where I was staying and I said just around the corner. I asked if she wanted to come back she nodded and gave a cheeky smile. I grabbed the keys of Luke and off we staggered.

We got to Luke’s and started kissing, she was so self-conscious though about taking her top off, I began to stroke her ego like I had done earlier. She loosened up and away we went. She asked if I could call her by her character’s name on off the movie she was in, fuck! I couldn’t remember it so I said ‘no no I wanna calll you by your Shortland Street chacter” she nodded. The sex was great apart from her calling me daddy which I found kinda creepy. Afterwards she needed to catch up with her friends by this stage it was about 1am so she left leaving me with her number. On her way out I said to her -“you know that Shortland Street you’re on?”  “Yeah?” she said “It’s a load of crap aye” I said laughing. I could see the anger in her face “um no its not!” she said and she slammed the door and that was that. So that was my experience sleeping with a famous person, nothing overly exciting but something funny to tell the mates about.

Tattooed Tips

My Guide to Tattoos

I only thought I was going to get one or two tattoos’ when I was younger. 10 years later I have one on my penis! For a first tattoo you want to start off small for the main reason being that you might not like the pain. For my first I got an Irish clover on my right arm. A tip for getting a tattoo DO NOT DRINK THE NIGHT BEFORE, I bled so much during my first tattoo and nearly passed out, it almost put me off getting another one. . almost.299

Always make sure you defiantly want what you are getting tattooed. I have the PlayStation symbols on my knuckles! Do I regret this? Shit yes! I play Xbox but I got convinced by the tattooist to get the PlayStation symbols. Which brings me to my next tip, don’t let your tattooist squash your idea – they are there to help and offer their opinion, not to completely knock your idea of what you want because at the end of the day it’s your skin not theirs.

223805_279911465451314_717625694_nIf you’re getting a quote or name make sure it is spelt correctly. My mate got a massive one on his chest saying ‘Live Fast Die Hard’, the tattooist for some reason tried to get all fancy with the V in live and it now looks like ‘Libe Fast Die Hard’, totally retarded.

Don’t get a fashion tattoo! Remember those tribal tattoo’s that where barely cool in the 90’s?? Well come 15 years later they are shite! They looked only acceptable on wrestling back then. Lately the new “in” tattoo is the feather with birds exploding out of it or something similar to the same effect, just don’t become a sheep get something that shows your individuality.

Last piece of advice is don’t be a tight arse with your money.tattoo-bad-vs-good A fifty dollar tattoo will get a fifty dollar job. Look around for a tattooist with a style that you like. Stalk their Facebook page if they have one and see if you like their designs. If you come to Tauranga look up Bray Revolver, he is by far the best tattooist I have seen in a long long time. His black and white pieces are amazing. If you’re in Hamilton, hit up Flax Roots tattoos, an artist called Ali Selliman is fantastic with cartoons and animals. He did my grenade on my hand and I love it.

Anyway there are a few tips on getting a tattoo if you are getting one show me on twitter @mullied I would love to see what you get!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fright Night

My mates and I decided to have a long over due catch up one weekend earlier this year. Teeps, Tim, Hanz, Darren and I all got together at my place while my flatmates were away. I lite a bonfire in the backyard in a steel bin I had pinched from work for the weekend. We shared stories and tales of our adventures in the world. Teeps had just gotten back from Scotland; he had shaved all his hair off because he was going bald. I remember thinking shit we are only twenty six and he’s already bald, poor guy. They decided it was time for me to get back on the shaggin’ wagon, so off to town we went. Now if you have been to town in Tauranga you will know how shit house it is. Once upon a time it used to pump. Grumpy Mole, Buddha Lounge, Coyote these bars were part of the foundation that made Tauranga night life special. Sadly all have closed now.

When we arrived Teeps asked where all the clubs are. Well to be honest there’s only a certain one that goes off now and it’s the Bahama Hut. So into the Bahama Hut we went. I ended up pulling a girl which was such an ego booster because this was my first girl since I had been dumped. It made it so much sweeter because none of my mates did. I took her back to my house, my flatmate had a sweet king size bed so we shacked up in there. I completely forgot about my tattoo on my penis. It was still lumpy, it had pretty much healed but the tattoo was still raised and looked yuck. We started kissing passionately, before I knew it she was going down on me. All I remember in my drunken state was the girl asked why the hell does it feel lumpy for. I immediately started to panicked as I had completely forgotten to mention my tattoo on my penis. Before I could explain she whipped the lights on and my penis was exposed in all its tattooed glory. Her eyes went as wide as two bowling balls and she let out a shrill scream. As fast as a ninja her clothes were back on and she was gone before I could even explain it was just a tattoo

!evil-dead-girl-screaming