“aw look my babies kicking” that is probably the last bloody sentence you wanna hear when you’re shagging someone, but alas it just happened to me last night.
I decided to put myself back on the meat market (tinder) after a couple’ve month’s hiatus. Boom match boom match boom match, we were back and my ego was getting a good pat on the back. After talking to a few girls I asked for one drop dead gorgeous girls snapchat. Thats how it goes these days, tinder ~ snapchat ~ instagram ( skipable step) ~ Facebook (skipable step) ~ date.
We started snapchating last night, wasn’t long until tits and dicks where sent and that “come over” message was sent. As I began the long forty minute drive to Te Puke, she messaged me and told me she was 7 months pregnant. “I hope that doesn’t put you off” she began “I’m so horny, are you still coming?” Ofcoarse I was, who was I kidding, I’ve done some fucked things in my life, this doesn’t even scratch the surface.
When I arrived I realise she is more pregnant than I anticipated, she invites me in and gives me a beer. I end up helping her screw together a cot she had just purchased which I thought was pretty weird foreplay. It worked though because not long after the final screw was screwed in my flat head screw driver was in her… then came the dreaded line, whilst I was on top she said “aw look my babies kicking” in a mummy type voice. I mean like what the fuck am I suppose to say to that. I stopped and went “aw cute” I look up at her and she is staring me straight in the eye “keep fucking me” she says going back from mummy voice to saltry bloody seductress voice. We finish and she shows me the door pretty quick with the old chestnut of a line “my flatmate will be home soon, you should go”
And with that I am outta there, with my good deed of the week being done, I built a cot, made a pregnant chick happy and high fived a baby.. good times good times