Help A Brother Out

Be yourself, God I HATE when people try and offer me advice by telling me to be myself when I get ready for a date. If I was being myself I would be under the fucking table dry cranking it. Whenever I try and offer advice I always try to say something they wouldn’t normally hear from anyone else. Here are some examples that people have dm’ed me on twitter asking for my advice, with me providing the answers.
“Hiiiiii Mullie trying to get this girl keen on me but she always stops texting me after 4 or 5 Msgs”

A. If you really wanna see if she is keen on you fuck her friend hahaha nah but seriously, if you can’t tell if she is keen on you when you are at a house party or in town with her, almost completely ignore her and focus all your attention onto talking to other girls in front of her. You soon should be able to tell if she is interested. 

“Love the blog bud, I’m 25 and am dating a 45 y/o but have developed feelings for her 20 y/o daughter and so has she, what shall I do”

A. Fuck sake have a mother daughter combo bro 😉 nah nah ugh god every way I look at this the mum is going to get hurt and not talk to her daughter for awhile, if you don’t give a stuff about that brake it off with the mum and move onto the daughter. If you do care, brake up with the mum and cut ties with the daughter, plenty more fish in the sea (another saying I fucking hate). 

“Mate!!! how do I score the girls like you!”

A. haha get a tattoo and get a fake job, slighty different to what George Thorogood sings about (get a haircut and get a real job). Get talking to girls in town and tell them you’re a tattooist or something else where they think they can use you to get something out of it to benefit themselves. Boom, they will come home with you or invite you to theres in the presumption that if they sleep with you then they might be able to get some freebies. Only fucking freebie they will be getting is a free shag, yeehaaa. 

“Lights on or lights off ma man”

A. Depends really on what type of girl you have bagged. If I have scored an ace, a 10/10, a worldly, I would definitely leave the lights on, I wanna see and remember that shit. If I end up pulling a 3am special, a desperado, a fat amy, I would turn the lights off, get where I needed to get to and leave the lights off. Yes yes a wee bit hash but just being honest. 

“What would you say is your favourite nationality for a girl to have.”

At a time I really liked the English accent, American/Canadian accent can be sexy, really loving the Brazilian broken english at the moment. Add that accent to a naturally tanned Brazilian girl and thats fallen in love type shit right there. My least would definitely be a thick thick Australian accent, would rather have sex with a fucking car exhaust. 

“Hi bro loved your live tweets you did on your date last weekend, I have been on a date like that before any tips on how to handle it.”

Try to end it as soon as possible, if she\he won’t get off their phone they just aren’t interested. Finish your drink or meal as fast as possible, pretend you have just gotten a text and need to go and do something and end the date. If its really bad like mine was last weekend just pick yourself up and leave it, its not like your going to see them again, fuck em.
Well thats it from me, heading to meet a girl on Waiheke Island for the weekend, hopefully goes well!