Sleeping with My Mums Friend….Almost

As much as I enjoy writing and sharing all about the good times I have had scoring girls and how I have gone about it, I have also had some shameful experiences. This next story happened back before I had tattoos and before I had sneaky ways to pick up girls, like pretending I was a tattooist.

I had just turned eighteen, here in New Zealand when you turn eighteen you can buy alcohol and go clubbing. I was still living with mum and dad in Tauranga so it was extremely hard to bring a girl back to my place and I had never actually tried to at this point.

I was in my final year of college. Half of my friends had already turned eighteen, they were raving how good going to town clubbing was so I was desperate to go. Finally it was my birthday and off to town I went. Back in these days the now closed Grumpy Mole night club used to pump. As I first entered the club it felt like a whole new world. Fake smoke mist had surrounded the dance floor and the loud obnoxious sound of the Black Eyed Peas pounded deep into my ears. I had never seen people dance in the club only in movies, it was so weird. You have all different types of dancer, the boy’s pack which is a bunch of guys dancing in a group searching around with their eyes on the lookout for girls. The next is the girl group, they dance in a group but usually they aren’t on the lookout for guys – they remind me of Zebras oblivious to the male lions stalking them. Then there are the couples, usually dirty dancing and kissing each other. I HATE these ones. Go home and have sex, I don’t wanna see you practically fucking on the dance floor!kissingd

Anyway the dancing freaked me out so I went outside to the smoker’s area. I had already pre-loaded with a box of Double Brown beer before town so I was pretty happy. Suddenly I hear a squeaky voice yell out “Sean!”  It was my mum’s friend Carol. She came staggering over sloshing her glass of wine everywhere. She practically launched at me and gave me the biggest drunken hug ever. I saw my two mates giving me the thumbs up behind her back. “what are you doing here” she said half slurring her words. I explained to her I am eighteen now and this was my first night out. I’m not sure if this turned her on or what but she thought it was awesome that it was my first night in town and proceeded to take me onto the dance floor and dance with me.  A little about Carol – she is my mums friend from tennis. She is this lady in her mid-thirties; she has long luscious black hair and an amazing sporty figure. She is known for loving her wine and being a bit of a party animal.

We continued dancing and she finally bounced on me in this young club, shoving her tongue down my throat. All I could taste was cigarettes and the sourness of the wine she was sculling back. We continued dancing the rest of the night until 3am. I asked her what she wanted to do now. She asked if she could come back to mine, I reminded her mum and dad are home but she insisted she would be quiet so off to get a taxi we went.

We got home and started tip toeing down the hallway to my room. Finally we got into bed and started kissing. I went down on her, she must have completely forgotten about my parents being home because all of a sudden she started moaning so loud. All of a sudden I hear loud footsteps and bang! The door swings open and mum and dad are standing there. Mums eyes go from half asleep to as wide as golf balls. “SEAN!! What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” before I could say anything she recognised who it was there with me. “Carol??!!!!”  Walking over she grabbed Carol by the arm, ripped her out of my bed and began yelling at her. She eventually kicked her out, I quickly texted Carol saying I had ordered her a taxi at the end of the road. “You go to bed now, we will talk in the morning” mum said before shutting my door. In the morning Dad talked to me suggesting it might be a wise idea if I got my own place, mum never brought the Carol situation up again, safe to say they we not friends anymore. I didn’t care about that all I cared about was mum seriously cock blocked me, cheers mum!!!

Seduced by a Cougar and everything in between

Me, Tim and Hanz had been saving for a trip to Sydney for a while. There was a special deal going with Jetstar so we snapped up three tickets. We were getting so excited, three eighteen year old single boys going to party for a week in Sydney. As we got to the airport Tim confessed he was scared about flying, me and Hanz just played it off as a bit of a joke. We got through customs without a problem and brought 2 bottles of spirits each. As we waited for the plane I noticed Tim was really fidgety and couldn’t sit still, I didn’t say anything but I sure noticed it. We boarded the plane and as we sat there, the plane started its engine. I looked at Tim and he had his head in his hands. Me and Hanz were cracking up. As the plane took off Tim let out a slight whimper and started freaking out, we eventually calmed him down with some vodka. Poor guy was all sweaty and everything.

As we stepped out of the airport the intense heat hit me like a Mack truck, it was early September and it was so hot. We made our way to our motel which was right in the centre of china town. We immediately started to get ready to go out that night. We headed out to Kings Cross, a notorious part of Sydney made famous on the television show ‘Underbelly’. It was awesome and we went to a nightclub called ‘Candy’s Apartment’, it was pumping. Hanz was the first to hook up with someone followed closely by me. Tim was far too drunk, he had continued drinking after he had got off the plane. We ended up in Porky’s Nite Spot, Porky’s is part of the seedy side of Kings Cross and is famous for being one of those classic sleazy neon-lit titty joints. We sat in complete shock, there were titties sydney-party-porkysnitespoteverywhere. Being young and naïve we got hustled for our money pretty good by the strippers. Tim went all out tipping them, getting a private lap dance. He was completely in his element. Eventually we all got so worked up we had no choice but to go visit the local brothel. I couldn’t bring myself to pay for sex so I stayed in the waiting room. Tim and Hanz wanted the same girl so they decided to pay a bit extra to have a threesome with her. I waited for half an hour, they finally reappeared, Tim smiling from ear to ear and Hanz couldn’t stop laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he told me after he was done Tim went down on the prostitute. You don’t go down on a one night stand let alone a prostitute. It got worse though, she was just finishing her shift for the night so god knows how many other client’s she had had that night. Tim didn’t seem to care until the next morning where he was throwing up, regretting every single moment of it. I would have too if I had spent $600 Australian on strippers and a prostitute.

We did all the touristy things in Sydney. We caught two rugby league games which was probably the highlight of the whole trip. The atmosphere was incredible. We got to watch one quarter final game and one semi-final game at the Sydney football Stadium. The crowd is so passionate over there; I immediately a die-hard supporter after being in that crowd. I now live and breathe South Sydney Rabbitohs. tattoorabbitWe decided to get tattoos when we were out one night. I got the south Sydney mascot tattooed on my arm, a little bunny.


The last night of our trip we decided to to go out in style. We all had about a grand left so we went and brought suits. We went to the swanky posh night clubs that night. Hanz and Tim where giving me heaps because I was yet to sleep with someone. Suddenly this 40 something year old approached me and brought me a drink. Her name was Vanessa, she was a posh sophisticated women. She had long luscious blonde hair and unforgivingly blue eyes that felt as if they looked deep into mysoul.  Vanessa was a television producer for channel nine over there. Not to be out done I told her I was a song writer, she loved it. I could feel my mates envious eyes burning a hole in my head, I played it cool though. Vanessa invited me back to her apartment. She lived at the Sheraton, it was so flash, her room was on the 10th floor and had a great view. She showed me her boob job which looked amazing. We sat and cuddled for a while. I asked her why she didn’t have a boyfriend and she told me her husband had passed away several years ago and, although she occasionally went out, it always turned out to be disappointing. I started to get up and leave as I started to feel uncomfortable when she suddenly blurted out “Sean, I really like sex”. Somewhat startled by her remark, I sat back down and the only thing I could think of to say was “I really like sex too” She got up from her chair and came over to the couch where I was sitting. Kneeling with her legs outside of mine, she leant down and our lips met in a very tender kiss. Pulling back slightly she said “Would you like to have sex with me”? A slight smile came over my face. “Does that mean yes?” she whispered. I answered her question by pulling her forward to me,  kissing her as passionately as an eighteen year old could. For 10 minutes we had amazing sex. I could bullshit and say 20 minutes but it wasn’t 😛 .  Her screams of ecstasy drove me faster and faster. The only weird thing was I think she thought she was in a porno as she was saying some really porn-like sayings along the lines of: “I need you, Sean. Fuck me, baby.” And even “God, I love young cock” I tried so hard not to laugh as I don’t find it a turn on when girls talk dirty I find it slightly put on . In the end I couldn’t contain myself any longer an burst out in laughter but so did she. I had a great time and Vanessa did too . . . I hope. I got back to the hotel at 9 the next morning, my mates waiting for me to dish the dirt. I got the typical macho man type hi fives all around. This trip was amazing we had finally become men that didn’t need to rely on their parents, we talked about doing another one as soon as possible but it never eventuated as soon I got a girlfriend, Tim got a girl pregnant and Hanz fell of the face of the earth for several years.