Mully Dates International Ed – Sydney Pt.1

Wahooo! Mully Dates has finally gone international. First stop this past week was Sydney. The flight to Sydney was a complete disaster, not only were the airhoes rude as fuck they made my polite and nice flatmate cry. After asking to borrow a pen from one of them she got a “no, I need to keep this pen on me, ask one of the others”. Ok cool, so we asked one of the other unenthusiastic bitches who reluctantly gave her pen up so we could fill out our declaration forms. She made sure to tell us she needed it back though. Well my flattie rang the over head bell and gave it to who we both thought was the grumpy bitch. But no, 10 minutes went by and the pen giving grumpy bitch came back asking for it. What followed was a lecture on borrowing things on a plane to give back to the right person. With the embarrassment of everyone looking over to see what was going on and then to pen bitch storming off, my flatmate burst into tears. I would like to end this part with a FUCK YOU JETSTAR!
Aside from that the trips been pretty good. Once I got to the motel I jumped on the complimentary wifi and started looking for possibilities on Tinder. I started chatting to a few, most wanting to go out for a coffee – oh how metrosexual of you Sydney. But a coffee in the middle of the day was definitely not what I wanted. It wasn’t long until I found a girl and lets call her shazza. Shazza had the same idea as me which was a “hang out” at her place in Richmond. Now the next mission was finding were exactly this Richmond is. Staying by the Green Square train station I took the train to Central, now if you have been to central station its a labyrinth of tunnels, stair cases and platforms. To fast forward things up, I jumped on several different trains and wasted a few hours trying to figure out were the hell this Richmond place was. Whilst on the train I popped a Viagra I had brought over from NZ in the hope that her meaning of a “hang out” was the same as mine. I end up paying $2 to a homeless dude at central station after arriving there for a fourth time, he happily showed me which route I should be taking; top guy. 
I eventually get to Richmond then waste another 30 minutes trying to find her place. By the time I get there my penis had been fully erected for the last two hours and was fucking hurting. I knocked on her door and was greeted by this extremely large girl, oh fuck I thought I’ve been catfished yet again. “Hi are you Shazza?” I ask, “Nah mate Shazza is outback having a dart” large girl said. She invites me in and Shazza had just finished her smoke “Hi Sean, you finally bloody mate it” Shazza said in the thickest Australian accent I have come across. We start chatting which basically consisted of me listening to this chatter box yak on about her day at work. I couldn’t understand a lot as her phrases she used mixed with her accent made it difficult. Just as it looked like we were about to go to her room her phone bloody rings and its her ex and for the next ten mintutes I hear the full run down on their relationship. 

She dumped him because he drives a holden, and her family are proud die hard Ford supporters. She was embarrassed and ashamed when he brought a Holden so she dumped him straight away, fuck I better not tell her I drive a Holden. She hung up on him with a big “fuck you and fuck off”. She then rudely grabs me by the arm and says “come on sheep shagger, lets go to my room.” This kinda made me pissed off but hey I’m in her room now. We start kissing and all I can taste is tobacco, thankfully the kissing doesn’t last long as she soon begins sucking my didgeridoo. It feels ok but I could feel her teeth a lot which wasn’t making me relax much (Remember this). We end up having sex and the sheep shagger comment is still annoying me, so I flipped her around in doggy style and showed her what a sheep shagger could do with a tablet of viagra in him. She fucking loved it, so without thinking I grabbed her tits and whispered in her ear “I drive a holden” she started thrashing about “you bastard!”. I was holding on for dear fucking life but it didn’t last for long. “Just shut up and keep fucking me kiwi boy” We finished up and apart from me pissing her off with my holden revelation she loved my digerdoo even wanting me to stay the night but I put a stop to that as I had the Rabbitohs to go see play! 

Why I Bleed Blue

Yes, before you ask I am a Kiwi. A.k.a a sheep shagger, a dole bludger, a hobbit or whatever else we are called over the ditch, but I bleed blue. Ever since I was eight years old I have been a huge supporter of the blues; which I guess is weird for a kiwi boy that should only know who the bloody all blacks are. Which for me was true until I met a boy named Steven.

It was the first day at school for the year. It was roll call time, when my name got called “Mulligan” some kids laughed, and then later the teasing started. The main culprit was a boy named Steven who was doing most of the teasing. Steve was the typical looking bully; a big fat kid that enjoyed picking on other kids just because he could. He began to tease me again at lunchtime but by this stage I had had enough. I really let him have it, blooding his nose up pretty good. We were taken to the principal’s office, but we didn’t really get into any trouble as neither of us dobbed on each other.

Steve and I quickly made up and soon became friends. We ended up playing rugby together, he would always ask if I liked the Blues to which I would say “the Auckland Blues?” he would shake his head in disgust, “Oh god no, state of origin! New South Wales mate, ask your mum if you can stay at mine tonight game one is on” Steven said with a smile. It was 1995 and I remember watching in amazement as these two rugged teams unapologetically batted and bruised each other, this was awesome! This was my first glimpse’s of Andrew Johns and Geoff Tovey – who’s half combination that night was amazing, I was hooked! that year the Blues won the series 3-0 and had gained a new fan in the process.

Later that year Steven sadly died in a tragic accident when his mother ran him over while he was on his bike, obviously not seeing him. I ended up being one of his pallbearers at his funeral, as his casket was being lowered I remember making a promise to Steven that I would never miss an Origin match ever again. To this day I have never broken that promise. I will be going out to the local pub tonight to watch game 2, as I do every year. I keep an empty seat next to me for Steven and together we watch the mighty Blues go to work. I bleed Blue.