No Luck Mulligan

Before I start the blog, three things I learnt this past weekend are:

  • Ponsonby girls think their shit don’t stink
  • Don’t mix drinks. Just don’t.
  • Flush the fucking toilet if you’re going to pass out on it.

Anyway, this past weekend I headed up to Auckland for the NRL Nines. An awesome two-day tournament that is held annually which kicks off the footy season for the year. As I woke up on Saturday morning I felt this rush of excitement come over me realizing it was time for a road trip. My mates turned up around 8am with boxes of beer on the ute, “It’s beer O’clock mully” one shouted smiling handing me a beer. By the time we got up to Auckland me and the boys were already feeling pretty merry. As we head to find our seats I see a number of people dressed up in some pretty cool costumes like The T Birds off Grease, Hulk Hogan, Power Rangers and my favorite – the hot nurses. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up dressing up because the lot I was with didn’t want to which pissed me off, looking back now I should have just dressed up anyway. After my second round of 4 beers for myself I decided to go for a wonder, I ended up at the merchandise tent being served by this banging Australian chick. She was really nice and in my drunken state I could have bloody sworn she was flirting with me. While the eftpos machine was processing my payment for $120 worth of merchandise I asked for her number. Thinking about this now makes me fucking cringe as it must have been so awkward for this sober chick just trying to do her job. Looking up at me from the eftpos machine she says loudly “sorry I have a boyfriend”. Everyone around me looks at me as I grab my gears and sadly walk back to my seat embarrassed as hell.

Not letting this deter me I began sniffing around the stadium like a dog on heat with not much luck. At one point I started chatting to a girl who decided to tell me after I had brought her a beer that she had a bloody boyfriend who was finishing work to meet her there, fuck! Tinder time! As you can see by this tweet I did https://twitter.com/mullied/status/695808476920963072  I was on a massive swipe right/saying yes to anything in a bloody 5km radius, boom! Congratulations you have a match was the last thing I saw on my phone until it decides to go fucking flat, arhhhhhhhhh!!!

After the last game finished we ubered it back to our motel, stopping on the way to get some tequila and two dozen bourbon and cola RTD’s. We smashed them back in time to order another uber taxi into the Ponsonby clubs. Now if you haven’t been to Ponsonby clubs and think hey I might go there, FUCKING DON’T and here’s a Mulligan rant as to why. To get into this wank club called the Long room we waited half an hour in line only to be told by this complete yogi bear looking bastard that we need to make more of an effort dressing up next time but he would do us a favor and let us in this once, gee thanks! We go inside and this place is packed. I immediately make a bee line for the dance floor and begin doing my Mulligan shuffle. I look around and nobody seems interested, I start looking at the girls closer and a lot of them look like snobby bitches dancing in circles with their groups. Not being one to give up I try and dance into the groups only to be told to “get lost” what the fuck Ponsonby! Feeling sad I order some shots that cost way more than they should have. I eventually did find a 40 something year old to dance with that had a massive arse but just as things started getting physical, (I got told by my mates the next morning that I was dry humping this lady) I get grabbed by the arm by Yogi Bears fucking side kick Boo Boo telling me I was being too offensive and to please leave as I was too intoxicated. FUCK YOU PONSONBY!

I passed out at around 3.30 am after finishing our mini bar off which included wine, beers, and little beer fridge spirits. The next thing I remember is running to the toilet throwing up. It must have still been dark because my mate found me passed out lying by the toilet at 7. Spew and one of the bros poos still in the toilet. He wakes me up but not before taking a photo of the whole incident and sharing it on my Facebook. Well that was the weekend, no luck on the girl front but hey the footy was bloody excellent.12421459_10207554580854513_1356785412_n12714148_10207554581174521_1447356815_n

 

Why I Bleed Blue

Yes, before you ask I am a Kiwi. A.k.a a sheep shagger, a dole bludger, a hobbit or whatever else we are called over the ditch, but I bleed blue. Ever since I was eight years old I have been a huge supporter of the blues; which I guess is weird for a kiwi boy that should only know who the bloody all blacks are. Which for me was true until I met a boy named Steven.

It was the first day at school for the year. It was roll call time, when my name got called “Mulligan” some kids laughed, and then later the teasing started. The main culprit was a boy named Steven who was doing most of the teasing. Steve was the typical looking bully; a big fat kid that enjoyed picking on other kids just because he could. He began to tease me again at lunchtime but by this stage I had had enough. I really let him have it, blooding his nose up pretty good. We were taken to the principal’s office, but we didn’t really get into any trouble as neither of us dobbed on each other.

Steve and I quickly made up and soon became friends. We ended up playing rugby together, he would always ask if I liked the Blues to which I would say “the Auckland Blues?” he would shake his head in disgust, “Oh god no, state of origin! New South Wales mate, ask your mum if you can stay at mine tonight game one is on” Steven said with a smile. It was 1995 and I remember watching in amazement as these two rugged teams unapologetically batted and bruised each other, this was awesome! This was my first glimpse’s of Andrew Johns and Geoff Tovey – who’s half combination that night was amazing, I was hooked! that year the Blues won the series 3-0 and had gained a new fan in the process.

Later that year Steven sadly died in a tragic accident when his mother ran him over while he was on his bike, obviously not seeing him. I ended up being one of his pallbearers at his funeral, as his casket was being lowered I remember making a promise to Steven that I would never miss an Origin match ever again. To this day I have never broken that promise. I will be going out to the local pub tonight to watch game 2, as I do every year. I keep an empty seat next to me for Steven and together we watch the mighty Blues go to work. I bleed Blue.

Nrl Nines Blog

The Auckland NRL Nines are nearly here! I have had my tickets sorted for weeks. I went last year and before the first game had finished I knew without a doubt I would be coming back each year. I used to go to the Sevens but got sick of not knowing any of the players, and also the number of people that just went there to get completely drunk and cause trouble. I found at the Nines since there are league superstars in each team the crowd has more interest as to what’s going on on the field. That’s not to say its not an awesome party type atmosphere but to me it just felt more behaved.

A car load of me and my mates went up last year from Hamilton and had a great time! One thing I regret though is not getting dressed up in costumes as there were hundreds of good looking girls everywhere, and they all were asking for photos with all the guys dressed up – dammit! After day one had finished buses and buses full of party goers headed for town which was awesome because a lot of us stuck together which made it an awesome night. I met one chick that was a Roosters supporter who I gave shit to most of the night as I’m a Rabbitohs man through and through. She gave great banter back and we ended up going home together, its safe to say i made her sing glory glory to South Sydney that night!

The last day of the Nines was even better than the first, although having a huge hangover didn’t help. It still didn’t stop me enjoying what was happening on the field. The semi finals were intense and the final was fantastic. Hopefully this year the final will pit the Rabbitohs and Warriors in the final, now that would be one awesome game! The countdown is on and come Saturday the 31st of January you can bet the NRL Nines is going to be one event you can’t miss!mates