Mulligan in the Middle

When you think of the Irish you think of three things; awesome accent, leprechauns and one hell of a great drinking ability. After this St Paddys day all that comes to mind when I think of the Irish is angry red headed crazy women.

Anyway lets start from the beginning. After a pretty hard day at work I looked on my Facebook and realised it was St Paddys day. It had totally slipped my mind, even though it was a Tuesday and I was still recovering from a huge hangover from The Eagles concert, I had to go out! I convinced my flatmate Tony to come out with me, I asked him if his friend could drop us in because drinking and driving is a big no no guys.

We got dropped to town at about half nine, as we exited the car the sound of Irish folk music could be heard bellowing out of the Irish pub called the Mount Melic. We walk in and were greeted warmly by the bar staff who where in the Saint Paddies spirit. I brought a Guinness beer which is an authentic Irish beer, you either love it or hate it and I freaking love it. Being as it was Saint Paddies day they were on special so I threw a good 5 of them down my throat. The place was so busy with the dance floor pumping. I started dancing doing the Mulligan Shuffle which is basically a drunk version of a bobble head toy, add a couple of arms swinging about and hey presto – you have the Mulligan Shuffle! I started throwing it down on the d floor and got the attention of two pretty attractive girls. We started dancing together, one was blonde and the other had ginger hair. We were having such a great time, my mate tapped me on the shoulder and said he was off home, buggar that I thought i’m staying!

I continued dancing, the ginger chick went out for a smoke and me and the blondie continued dancing and began hooking up. When ginger spice came back blondie had shot off to the toilet, so I started dancing with her and then we started to hook up. “This is fucking brilliant!!” I thought to myself. Blondie came back and we continued all dancing together, both chicks grinding on me. “Do you want come back to our hostel?” Ginger spice asked over the music in a very thick Irish accent. “yea for sure” I said with a smirk. Then suddenly the blonde girl asked the same question in her thick accent, I gave her the same answer. So off the three of us went back to the backpackers. When we got there they had two separate beds. The blondie grabbed my hand and started to guide me to her bed “Morgan?! what the fuck are you doing, he is fucking mine!!” Ginger spice said grabbing my other arm. “fuck of bitch you always do this! I invited him back” replied Blondie” No you fucking didn’t I did!” Ginger snapped back. Suddenly it was all on! A angry ginger spice pulled blondies hair. Whack!! Blondie retaliated with a huge slap, they tackled each other to the floor. I wasn’t sure if I should be turned on or shocked but either way I was loving it. “Ok ok ok thats enough” I said attempting to break them up which was harder than I thought. I explained what had happened at the club, playing the innocent guy in the middle. “There is plenty of me to go around, why don’t you two make up and lets turn the lights off and see what happens” I said. They both looked at me probably thinking “oh this poor guy” and then looked at each other and apologised, “thank fuck for that!” I thought. I turned off the lights and it was all on! Luckily I popped a viagra earlier because these two chicks were two goers and wanted to use me as much as they could. I felt like my penis was a fucking gear stick with two drivers taking turns with it. It went from being in neutral, to reverse then top gear for a couple of hours. They went to sleep at about 6 so I grabbed my clothes and tip toed out of there with my gear stick still rock hard. What a crazy bloody night!


Summer Lovin

It’s a new year and I have made a new years resolution, I am going to be celibate for the rest of 2015….jokes. Give me a piece of string and I’ll find a way to fuck it. What a crazy crazy New Years it was, one of my mates suffered a minor stroke, I found myself smack dab in the middle of two camp sites trying to kill each and got laid at least a dozen times. I guess I will have to chop this blog up into a few parts as every night as been great.

Well my holiday started off pretty tame. Had Christmas and Boxing Day with the family which consisted of beer, whiskey and BBQ food. Then I picked up my mate who was back from Scotland for the holidays and off we went to the beautiful Blue Lake just outside of Rotorua. We stayed at the camp ground there in a pretty sweet looking tent. After we got our camp site sorted we started walking around the camp trying to find out where all the girls were. To my dismay there were mostly all just bloody families here this year with their annoying little kids running rampant everywhere. By the third lap of the camp we found a couple of tents that had girls in, but we weren’t sure if they had boyfriends so in my mind I marked those tents down to revisit later on. We got some ice from the store and began to drink in our tent.

It wasn’t long before we started getting louder and louder. We decided to go for a wonder to find those girls we saw earlier. To our surprise they were drinking AND they had no boyfriends!!! We started chatting to them and they invited us to join them, they were all tourists. Two of the 5 were from England, one was from Ireland and the other two were from Russia. The one I had my eyes set on was the one from Ireland. She had a thick Irish accent that could make any kiwi boy fall for her after one sentence. Her hair was dark brown which suited her perfectly as her eyes were green like spring grass. She was a legit 10/10 stunner. We all continued to talk, my mate was getting along really well with the English girls and I was getting on good with the Irish beauty. The other two Russians could barely speak a word of English but they were trying their best to fit in. I went off to get more beers, by this stage it was about one o’clock in the morning. The Irish hottie decided to come back for a walk to my tent. When we got to the tent she said “why don’t we start our own party here?” Before I could say “fuck yeah” she took her top off to show her set of amazing tits off. We kissed and hugged for a while, I met no resistance as I pulled off her undies. We started having sex and it was LOUD, it was fantastic. We never went back to the party, the next morning as we got out of the tent I heard a young boy ask his dad “was that the tent all those animal noises were coming from” me and the girl were instantly embarrassed but to my surprise his dad said “yes son, that guy is a lucky, lucky man” what a good dude!

The next two days went by too fast at the Blue Lake, me and the Irish girl were inseparable doing everything together like kayaking, swimming and of course shagging. My mate Teeps didn’t let the team down either by scoring one of the English girls. On the last day it was the hardest thing saying goodbye, promising to stay in touch we left the Blue Lake with two huge smiles on our face and some great memories. Now it was onto the New Year’s festivities in Gisbourne at the Rhythm and Vines concert spectacular!