American Tour Part 1 LA

What a bloody whirlwind of a trip, after taking a few months hiatus from blogging to work on my music, I’m back. 

Lets get back into it and boy oh boy do I have some juicy stories from the United States to share. I started my trip in Los Angeles with a direct flight from New Zealand, which was handy. Going through customs at LAX was a pretty nerve racking experience. Everyone had told me how hard the Americans are at letting people in but luckily for me I got the coolest dude who was into tattoos and was completely chill. “Welcome to America Sean, enjoy your stay” he said handing me back my passport. America, fuck yeah! 

As I got out of the airport, it was as if I had stepped into a sauna, I had never experienced that type of heat before. 40 something degrees, the type of heat where your balls instantly start sweating and your belly button develops its own pool of sweat. I immediately got an Uber and high tailed it to my motel, it was in the heart of down town LA. My hotel was called ‘Little Tokyo Hotel’ if you are ever thinking of staying in Los Angeles, DON’T STAY THERE! It had no fucking air conditioning! It was 40 degrees outside and 50 degrees inside! I got there late and had already paid, so I attempted to sleep. Well I now know what it feels like to have no sleep on a plane, no sleep in a filthy scum fuck motel, be dehydrated and have sweaty fucking balls.

The next day, I checked into the motel across the road making bloody sure they had air conditioning before booking in. After checking in, the first thing I did was have a shower…. joking, it was to jump on Tinder! I immediately matched with over 100 women. “Fuck me!” I thought, being in a bigger country is insane. I didn’t even have to do any grafting, one of the girls messaged me saying “OMG, I love accents” and before I knew it that girl was on top of me enjoying this Kiwi sausage! 

The next few days, consisted of a lot of sightseeing which I won’t bore you with. Although the main actress off of Orange Is The New Black nearly crashed into our Hollywood sightseeing buggy, which was pretty entertaining. I ended up shagging 3 girls whilst in Los Angeles, which was pretty good, considering I was only there for 4 days. Although I would’ve loved to make it 4 from 4. 

Next stop Las Vegas! Holy heck did I get up to some mischief in the City of Sin 😍

PS I Fucking Love Hooters 👌🏼👌🏼

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Summer Lovin

It’s a new year and I have made a new years resolution, I am going to be celibate for the rest of 2015….jokes. Give me a piece of string and I’ll find a way to fuck it. What a crazy crazy New Years it was, one of my mates suffered a minor stroke, I found myself smack dab in the middle of two camp sites trying to kill each and got laid at least a dozen times. I guess I will have to chop this blog up into a few parts as every night as been great.

Well my holiday started off pretty tame. Had Christmas and Boxing Day with the family which consisted of beer, whiskey and BBQ food. Then I picked up my mate who was back from Scotland for the holidays and off we went to the beautiful Blue Lake just outside of Rotorua. We stayed at the camp ground there in a pretty sweet looking tent. After we got our camp site sorted we started walking around the camp trying to find out where all the girls were. To my dismay there were mostly all just bloody families here this year with their annoying little kids running rampant everywhere. By the third lap of the camp we found a couple of tents that had girls in, but we weren’t sure if they had boyfriends so in my mind I marked those tents down to revisit later on. We got some ice from the store and began to drink in our tent.

It wasn’t long before we started getting louder and louder. We decided to go for a wonder to find those girls we saw earlier. To our surprise they were drinking AND they had no boyfriends!!! We started chatting to them and they invited us to join them, they were all tourists. Two of the 5 were from England, one was from Ireland and the other two were from Russia. The one I had my eyes set on was the one from Ireland. She had a thick Irish accent that could make any kiwi boy fall for her after one sentence. Her hair was dark brown which suited her perfectly as her eyes were green like spring grass. She was a legit 10/10 stunner. We all continued to talk, my mate was getting along really well with the English girls and I was getting on good with the Irish beauty. The other two Russians could barely speak a word of English but they were trying their best to fit in. I went off to get more beers, by this stage it was about one o’clock in the morning. The Irish hottie decided to come back for a walk to my tent. When we got to the tent she said “why don’t we start our own party here?” Before I could say “fuck yeah” she took her top off to show her set of amazing tits off. We kissed and hugged for a while, I met no resistance as I pulled off her undies. We started having sex and it was LOUD, it was fantastic. We never went back to the party, the next morning as we got out of the tent I heard a young boy ask his dad “was that the tent all those animal noises were coming from” me and the girl were instantly embarrassed but to my surprise his dad said “yes son, that guy is a lucky, lucky man” what a good dude!

The next two days went by too fast at the Blue Lake, me and the Irish girl were inseparable doing everything together like kayaking, swimming and of course shagging. My mate Teeps didn’t let the team down either by scoring one of the English girls. On the last day it was the hardest thing saying goodbye, promising to stay in touch we left the Blue Lake with two huge smiles on our face and some great memories. Now it was onto the New Year’s festivities in Gisbourne at the Rhythm and Vines concert spectacular!

The Lil Guy Stole My Girl!

“Sorry you lot can’t stay here” the owner of the backpackers began to explain “you broke the window last time and were far too loud, we had numerous complaints from other guests”. Shit! I thought, this weekend in Taupo couldn’t have started any worse. We weren’t allowed to stay at that backpackers, so we had to go across the road and booked into the more expensive one. Unlike our usual backpackers this one doesn’t have a balcony so me and the boys are left to drink in our room.

I brought a packet of cards so we started playing circle of death/four kings in our room. It wasn’t long until I got dared to do something stupid. My mate Jase dared me to streak down the hallway and take the lift naked. So off I went balls dangling everywhere. I pressed the lift button to go up as I thought there would be a better chance nobody would be waiting to get on, as there was only one floor above us and three below us. Oh how wrong I was! The doors open and three poor Asians were standing there with a look of sheer terror on their faces. I thought ‘sweet surely they won’t get on the lift with me’ nope they got on. So there I was cupping me privates while these three Asians hugged the opposite site of the lift. That was the most awkward lift ride I have ever had!

We got ready for town and off we went. I noticed this little kid in one of the clubs “how the fuck did he get in here” I thought. On a closer look it realized it wasn’t a kid at all, it was a midget. Now to this day I do not know the acceptable term to call them so if you do, send me a tweet @mullied. I will refer to him as “the lil guy” from here on in. I grab a drink and begin to dance in a semi-circle with the guys. Scanning the dance floor I spot a group of girls and set my sights on one beautiful looking girl with blonde hair. As a group we start dancing our way over to their group. Everything starts to go well, she yells in my ear over the music that she likes my tattoos; I shout back that I’m a tattooist.;) We continue dancing and buying their group drinks and shots. I go to the toilet and when I come back the girl I was dancing with is dancing with the lil guy. Huh, what the fuck?! I immediately make my way over to my groups who have kinda been shunned to the side. This lil guy is busting out all the moves, doing the worm, spinning around and the girl was with is loving it. I start dancing beside her but she straight pie faces me and continues to dance with the lil guy. I feel like drop kicking this lil shit out the door but instead I buy him a drink and cheers him on his good dancing. The last I see of him is him getting in a taxi with the group of girls that we were dancing with, he glanced back at us guys and gave as the thumbs up the, lil buggar! “Well that sucked” Jase announced to all of us. “No it doesn’t” I said “it’s not every day you get a girl stolen off you by a dwarf, plus we still got the strip club to go to!”. So off to the strip club we went!