Do’s & Don’ts When Attending A Swingers Party

Well after attending my 3rd swingers party and witnessing a couple get kicked out (no joke!) I thought I would list a few dos and don’ts when attending one of these get togethers. Our group actually sends a list before attending to newbies just in case.

Firstly Don’t come in bare feet or jandals (flip flops, thongs whatever you call ’em) These are sophisticated events so rocking up in a fucking singlet, shorts and no shoes on is a big no no.

Next while we are on the clothing subject, a collared polo or dress shirt is what’s expected along with dress pants or dress jeans. For the ladies a dress or shirt and skirt is what’s required – anything else has to be approved by the hosts ahead of time.

One big Don’t is don’t get too drunk, now this happened the last time with a female guest getting really intoxicated. Now add in getting very loud it was a recipe for disaster. “Who wants to fuck me?!!!!!!” she yelled out, “When’s all the fucking going to start?” she moaned. It got to the point where she got asked to leave and then forced to leave. She was a newbie and was obviously nervous, so to come out of her shell she drunk super fast. From all accounts she should’ve stayed in her fucking shell.

Another no no is if you wanna shag someone’s date, make sure your date’s into the partner. Last time my partner was chatting up some bloke and didn’t ask me if I was keen on the woman – I wasn’t – she was as interesting as watching fucking golf on tv. Being a good wingman I still shagged her; almost hitting my ball in the rough a few times but eventually getting a hole in one.

A couple more Dos and Don’ts are –

Bring condoms, common courtesy and respect. Some couples may not mind not using them but everyone’s different

Bring alcohol. Even though the hosts put on drinks and snacks, it’s always nice to bring a bottle of wine for the hosts.

Don’t bring RTD drinks like vodka cruises, pre-mixed Jim Beam, 12-24 boxes of beer. This isn’t a fucking garage party with mates. 6-pack of beer or a bottle of wine is fine. But as stated before, the hosts have that covered.

Well that’s it for what to do at a swingers party, blog about Thai massage Parlour Happy Endings with be up next.

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I Have A Girlfriend… Had

3 days have passed and I’m still feeling sick to my stomach. No it wasn’t the result of drugs, pills or dodgy sex; I got dumped. Yes I had a girlfriend for three whole weeks, the longest relationship I’ve been in for a long, long time.

It all began when I met this girl over in Scotland back in August. We had kept in contact ever since with her eventually flying to New Zealand to be with me. For the first week or so everything was amazing, the sex? AMAZING, everything you could dream of, blowjobs, toys, biting and even the odd finger up the bum. The second week, well fuck me, if you have ever thought someone has a different personality when they drink, think that but times a hundred.

The first night of meeting Jen’s drunk personality happened at the local fishing club. Every second week me and the boys go to the local fishing club for a catch-up and to participate in quiz night. Jen got shit-faced quickly and began loudly asking to suck my penis in front of all the other teams. My mates were looking at me wondering who the fuck was this girl I had invited?

She then attempted to take my penis out of my pants and suck it in front of the place. Now, take into account there were families there, this was fucked. I put this night down to her being nervous but two nights later shit was inexcusable – although surely just this would’ve been to most people.

So the dreadful night was finally here, my mates were having a party at their house, what a perfect time for them to meet my new girlfriend Jen I thought. We go to their place and everyone was having a good time, drinking beers, listening to music and dancing.

We all then decided to head to town, at this point I noticed Jen’s drunken alter ego was coming out as she let me finger bang her in the taxi on the way to town, something her sober self would detest. We went to the local bar club called The Mellick, the live band was pumping. Jen was being social, talking to a couple while the rest of us were enjoying the band. I went to get us a drink and turned around just in time to see Jen leaving with the couple! “Where you going babe?” I said, thinking maybe she’s just going outside for a ciggie. “Going back to their place for a threesome” she said bluntly. Ya fucking what?! Before I could stop her, she was in the taxi and on her way home with them.

That night for me was the lowest of lows, wasn’t I good enough? Is she actually having a threesome? What the fuck just happened? Am I dreaming? Well most of those questions got answered in the morning when she finally answered her phone “oh my god Sean, I am so

sorry” she messaged.

She went on to admit she had slept with the couple and tried to make me believe she regretted it.

Well suffice to say we broke up after that night and she was on her way back to where she came from. That’s me done with relationships for the foreseeable future, that really gave me self doubt about myself and make me question a lot of things. Time to get back to tinder, shagging and making music, bring on the summer!

Going To A Swingers Party

As I walked into this fancy apartment on the beach of the beautiful Mount Maunganui the first thing I saw was a dude stark naked with a pineapple ring on his erect penis. Well fuck me I’m not in Kansas anymore I told my friend, no no no I was at a swingers party! 

 
Let’s back up for a minute, so I got invited to this swingers do from a mate of mine that works at the local club. She had to tell a bit of a white lie and say she had a boyfriend so that she could go. Who better to call on then me she told me on facebook and to be honest it took bugger all convincing to make me wanna go as I’ve always wanted to go to a swingers party.
 
We got ready putting on my best collared top  and headed over to Mount Maunganui. We took the elevator to the 9th floor in the swanky towers that overlook the beautiful beach. As I said in the beginning we were greeted with one guy naked walking around with fucking pineapple rings around his erect knob. Everyone else was dressed and chit-chatting away, we started talking to a middle-aged couple my mate gave me the secret thumbs up that we had discussed earlier if we wanted to shag someone. The woman was about 45 and the guy was about 55 both business looking, they asked us if we would like to go to the bed room, I swigged my glass of champers grabbed another one and off we went. 
 
My mate did a sexy dance disrobing her and myself and began sucking me off the woman followed suit by sucking her man off. Then the girls changed partners, this was fucking awesome I thought. We started shagging and I couldn’t help but find it weird that I was screwing this dude’s wife in front of him and he didn’t care. We kept going for awhile swapping partners then swapping back. Funny part happened when this dude decided to finish, he announced it to everyone “I’m guna cum” he yelped and without a word of a lie he made the must fucked up organism noise I have every heard. “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” He moaned sounding like a fucking donkey on heat. 
 
We all lay there naked for a while, we told them that it was our first time at one of these shindigs, they told us they were regulars. I asked them why they do it? And they both said that they love each other and would rather have fun together then cheat and break up, they have been through too much.
 
As we walked out of the bedroom things had gotten a bit from X-rated, the dude with the pineapple rings around his dick was getting sucked off and everyone else was either in another bedroom or stark naked watching old pineapple cock getting sucked off. We left not long after coming out of the bedroom, this was a bloody interesting night. 

Shite on the dance floor

Girls don’t like it if ya leave them in the club for long periods of time nor do they like it if ya fart during sex. Well this past weekend both of those things happened last night
I had been messaging this girl for a couple of days off of this new dating app called Bumble (surely whoever made that app could’ve named it something fucking better them bloody Bumble) when I thought fuck I’m getting bored with all this chitchat bullshit, I’ll just ask her out. She said yes, I got her address and promised to pick her up at 10pm that night. Around this time my stomach began playing up, feeling really tight, but thinking it was just indigestion, I thought nothing of it. 

I took her to the rugby flat where several dozen people had congregated earlier to watch the Maori All Blacks play the British & Irish Lions. We started pre-loading before going to town, doing shots of homemade spirits to doing funnels of beer, shit was getting hectic. We all decided it was time to go when my mate Bazza decide to tackle the wall; the wall lost. 

When we got to town the majority of us got declined entry at most places but luckily my mate knew the bouncers on the Bahama Hut nightclub door so in we went. We started dancing or attempting to, the place was packed, my stomach began playing up again. I thought I would let it out with a hard satisfying fart…. 

 

Arhhhhh Sqeeze Arhhhhh

 

PLOOP…. OMG 

 

FUCK

 

I’ve shit myself.

 

I bolt to the bathroom, pushing past people feeling the runny shit dribbling down my inner of my pants. I get to the toilet, pull my pants down and it looks like a fucking bomb had gone off in there. Still pretty drunk and not wanting to cut the night short I grab my soiled undies and take them with me back to the nightclub. Just before I spot my date I drop them on the dance floor and shuffle over to her. “Where have you been!” she wails. “Taking care of some business in the loo” I yell to her over the loud music, “I thought you left me!” she said.

Now back to the soiled undies as we continued to dance I saw these shitty things get kicked to all corners of the fucking club. It was like a beachball at a concert only shittier. Whoever the poor cunt was at the end of the night that had to do clean up I’m sorry.  

I took the girl back to mine with my stomach feeling better after emptying it at the club. We start having sex which by all accounts was great and then it hit me halfway through, I need to fart but I don’t know if a fart is all that will happen. I try holding it which made it worst and eventually it falls out. BURRRRRRRRTTT luckily it was just a fart but it was a loud bastard. “Ewwww get off, you’re disgusting” my date said, getting up and dressed “ring me a taxi”.

All I could think when she left was, I’m glad she didn’t see the shit that happened at the bloody club if she thought a fucking fart was disgusting! 

What You look for in Partner: Boys vs. Girls

For the last week I have been doing a bit of deep thinking as to what I want in the future. This usually always happens around this time, with the weather getting colder I start wanting a girlfriend to cuddle. Luckily I usually snap myself out of this self-loathing shit and remind myself the grass isn’t greener on the relationship side.
But every year on I get a little bit older and my belt gets another hundred or so notches added to it. This year though I got to thinking of what I actually want in a relationship and to be completely honest I have no idea. You would think after enjoying the company of hundreds of girls I would have an idea of what I want but I don’t.

Now let’s delve into what a girl wants in a guy. After sleeping and then asking 100 girls, below is the top 4 things a girl wants in a relationship

1.Trust – usually at the top of the list, nobody likes a cheat!

2.Looks – this is on every girl’s list. Usually it’s secretly on there as when a girl is quizzed by someone they will deny it but I call utter bullshit on that!

3.Sense of humour – or lack of. I have met some girls who hate a sense of humour and want their relationship to be like a fucking business. Fuck those girls.

4.Family – A guy that gets on well with her family is high on a girl’s list as is starting a family with the lad.
Now looking into what I want and chatting to my mates from rugby, what they want in a relationship it kinda differs. It makes us males look like complete fuckers, but hey you have to be happy in your relationship.

1.Looks – Rated number one! Shallow fuckers much, all of us admitted that if a girl ever asked us what we looked for in a relationship we would NEVER admit to this but yes this tops the list sadly. This is probably a good reason as to why a number of relationships don’t work, as we base far too much on looks and end up with a crazy bitch.

2.Good at sex – Number fucking two on my list, does this make me shallow? A horndog? A fuck boy? Probably yes. But if you aren’t having healthy sex in your relationship then that isn’t a bloody relationship I want to be a part of.

3. Not a psycho – Not texting every fucking two minute, letting you go out with mates. I would write a whole blog on how not to be a psycho but you get the point.

4. Sociable – Having friends and going out so us males don’t feel bad if we are on a 3-day bender and ya partner is home the whole time watching 13 fucking reasons why. Basically not being a home body.

Well that’s the lists and almost completely different thinking between females and males, it’s crazy how we co-exist together. If you are getting into a relationship sooner or later just remember this blog and how the other person thinks, it could bloody shock you!

What Annoys Me About Tinder Girls

Lately I have been getting sick as fuck of tinder, every second profile I come across is either a fake profile or just too bloody terrible to look at. Recently I have been jotting down notes of what has been really bugging me and I thought these need to be shared. Please realise these are notes put together so they don’t have any point to them, they just random rants. Every fucking second fucking profile is from the USA for FUCK SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! guna feel sorry for someone that is legit from the US but every time I swipe on one of these profiles they ask me to go to something along the lines of fuckme.com or some other bullshit fake as fuck site, arghhhhhhhh. 

If your tinder profile is just photos of bloody scenery don’t moan because people don’t swipe right! I don’t want to fuck a mountain, I want titties the size of mountains. Yes that’s a lovely fucking river but fuck sakes SHOW ME YOU! 

If your tinder profile is a fucking essay of what you want in a guy, don’t moan because people don’t swipe right example fucking one 

I have this personal trait where I care too much about others and go out of my way to make sure they’re happy, and forget about my own happiness. So I’ve decided I’m going to be a bit selfish for once in my life and look after myself and my happiness. I am relocating to Taupo as step one in my own happiness. Step two is hopefully meeting someone amazing down here. I have a university degree, full time job and two vehicles (whoop whoop) – so I like to think I have my head screwed on and am going places. My biggest passion is traveling the world and especially remote places of NZ, which is partly where my biggest hobby comes in. This hobby, my family and friends are the most important things in my life and would hope that one day soon I can find someone to share all these things with. I’m no model, have never claimed to be, and whilst I may not look like I did when I was 17, I’m still the exact same funny, kind hearted, somewhat sassy person I’ve always been. I’m not afraid to speak my mind or have an opinion about something, so you can guarantee I’ll always be straight with you. All I expect is the same in return! Easy huh!”

No one cares that you have two fucking cars, no one cares about any of this shit! That’s what meeting up and actually talking to someone is all about. 4 emojis in your profile would be better and hey put two fucking car emoji’s if you’re think it’s important, f sakes.

You like animals? Cool, great, amazing, praise the fucking lord. Photos of you and your animals in every photo is annoying but no photos of you and just of your fucking cat?! This isn’t a bestiality site, I’m not trying to shag ya fucking cat. SHOW ME YOU!

Close up selfies for all your photos?! fuck right off! I want to see all of you in at least one photo. Not just ya bloody face, fuck… chances are it’s for a reason and not just cause you like the look of you own face #CoughCatfishCough

Here for the LOLS you say? Then why the fuck are you asking me around for a drink? The real laugh out louds will happen when I don’t pull out … BOOM!! 

Snap Chat bloody filters!!!! Is this snap chat NO!!! then why do I see girl after freaking girl posing with their toungues out. They are the worst on tinder profiles…. Sorry love you are not a rabbit…. more like a rat. ok a bit harsh, but you get the point. 

Well those are my rants, hope you enjoyed them, I think this tinder app is taking years off my life, bloody stressful lol. Now time to plan for a date that I will be live tweeting and streaming for the first time this year! Follow along tonight on my twitter this Thursday, it’s going to be fun! Peace ✌️

The Filthiest Bits Of 2016

Merry Christmas and a happy new year!! here is some of the most terrible, most shocking most filthiest bits that made up my 2016. If you enjoy this I might even recap 2015 and 2014… let me know….. Enjoy!!!

31.01.2016 Brothel Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/01/31/brothel-date-recap/

As I got out of the shower I strolled out to find her sprawled out on the bed, she put a condom on me then told me which positions she would do – which was fucking limited “you on top, me on top” she informed me, not even doggy style!?!

I decided to go on top, which started off ok until she decided to make fake moaning noises. So bad that even a low budget porn director would tell her to fucking stop! Now add in some terrible and I mean TERRIBLE dirty talk, shit like “oh you’re a big boy” and “wow this is so good” and now you have the worst 30 minutes of my life. It was so bad that I even fake came just to get this shit over and done with. As I pulled my penis out I gave it a quick sniff and it smelt like 3 day old KFC that had been left in a hot car.

18.02.2016 My Gypsy Valentines Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/02/18/my-gypsy-valentines-date-recap/

She told me to clear my schedule because she was going to cum, I bloody hope so! She brought a candle over and poured the hot wax on me, which kinda fucking hurt but at the same time turned me on so much. She then made me pour it on her…bad idea. She had a wee bit of fluff down there and instead of pouring it on her stomach I accidently poured it on the top of her vagina “ahhhhhhhhhhh” she screamed, that was the end of the candle foreplay.

27.02.2016 Blonde Canadian Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/02/27/blonde-canadian-date-recap/

As I walk into the bathroom she is waiting/pretending to check her makeup just in case I was someone else, we go into the toilet locking the door. We kiss for a bit then she sits on the loo and begins to give me a Canadian blow job minus the maple syrup. During the bj I look down and notice the entire floor  we are standing on is covered in piss which my jeans that were around my feet are soaking up, fuck sake. Too busy to do anything about it I continue to enjoy the oral I was receiving,. She finishes sucking on my Bonita banana and takes her undies off, she then bends over putting her hands on the dirty toilet and tells me to put it in, you don’t have to tell me twice.

I start thrusting back and forth, my feet splashing about in the urine puddle and then it happens, we both hear the door to the bathroom open. We both freeze as we hear footsteps sounding as if they were coming right for us, shit we are getting kicked out I thought. Luckily it wasn’t one of the staff coming to see what the hell we were doing it was just some female going into the toilet next to us. We continue to fuck as quietly as we can, we hear her pee stream begin, thinking that she is just peeing we shag on .Then the unthinkable happens – I hear a fart and then splash, SHES DOING A FUCKING POO!!!!! The Canadian doesn’t even give a fuck. She looks back at me as I’m standing there grossed out, “keep going” she whispers. Another fucking splash, but we keep going.Then the fucking stench begins to wofffle over, fuck sake. I pull my shirt over my nose as I try hard to cum so I can bail out of here, but my pre date wank is making it difficult. Another loud fart and a huge splash ensues, come on mully I think to myself we have to get the fuck out of here as the stench grows stronger. I finally cum as the lady beside us is grabbing for the toilet paper to wipe her arse after the massacre she has left in the toilet.

22.03.2016 Vajazzled: The St Paddies Day Blog

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/03/22/vajazzled-the-st-paddies-date-blog/

We somehow got on the subject of vagazzle which if you chuck that odd sounding slang word into google (which I should of done) it comes up with this – ‘adorn the pubic area (of a woman) with crystals, glitter, or other decoration’.

We head back to the backpackers and start the foreplay, I go down on her and in my drunken state I’m like a dog licking up water on a hot day, my tongue going fucking everywhere. I end up having a mouthful of vajazzle beads which for the next day and a bit I’m still finding them wedged between my teeth.

08.04.2016 Dominatrix Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/04/08/dominatrix-date-recap/

She served me up a drink in a metal cup and forced me to drink it. It tasted strong like a mix between jagermeister, absinthe and pineapple juice, what ever it was made me feel pretty numb. After polishing off the cup she snatched it off me “break times over, now get on all fours on the bed” she said pointing to the bed. So here I was balls dangling freely, hairy arse open for the world to see. After about 5 minutes she comes back in but she’s not alone – she has a big BLACK STRAP ON connected to her costume.

“OH FUCK THAT” I said breaking character

“Silence! This is happening, slowly but surely you are getting this” she said.

I started thinking what the fuck am I doing, what the fuck am I doing?! I feel a cold sensation on my bum; I turn around and she is bathing me in anus relaxant lube!

23.05.2016 Mully Dates International Ed – Sydney Pt.1

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/05/23/mully-dates-international-ed-sydney-pt-1/

We end up having sex and the sheep shagger comment is still annoying me, so I flipped her around in doggy style and showed her what a sheep shagger could do with a tablet of viagra in him. She fucking loved it, so without thinking I grabbed her tits and whispered in her ear “I drive a holden” she started thrashing about “you bastard!”.

27.05.2016 Mully Dates International Ed – Sydney Pt.2

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/05/27/mully-dates-international-ed-sydney-pt-2/

Things go down hill pretty fast though as the larger friend of her group decides to pull her away from me and tells her its time to call it a night. Everyone else in the group seemed to be having a great time but fucking chunkimus prime decided to shut the fucking fun down and go home.

23.06.2016 Pokémon Go Date

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/07/23/pokemon-go-date/

Well it’s safe to say she rode me like Horsea, her Jigglypuffs looked amazing. As she played with my Pokeballs I could feel myself about to Squirlte but managed not to. It wasn’t long though until I learned ‘Water Gun’ and splashed it everywhere. As I left her place I thanked her for giving me a Cubone but told her she was just another Magicarp…I was looking for a Gyarados!

28.08.2016 From Crab Tree to Vag Pee

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/08/28/from-crab-tree-to-vag-pee/

So he starts going to town eating this girl as if she was a 2am bloody kebab, she begins to get wetter and wetter and louder and louder. All of a sudden she lets out a huge moan and boom she cums/pees right down his throat. I awake from my coma to the sound of Darren yakking his guts up, I wander into the toilet and see him fast down in the bowl, “you alright D man?” I ask, no reply, I then wander into her room and I can smell urine. “What happened to Darren?” I ask the girl. “I was cumming” she said in a sad voice “but my bladder was full and I ended up peeing.” EWW WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

26.09.2016 Ex Girlfriends Sister Date Recap

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/09/26/ex-girlfriends-sister-date-recap/

We started shotting a tray of tequila shots, which after the fourth one made me vomit in my mouth a little. I kept giving her shit saying “your sister is way wilder” and then she looked me in the eye with a naughty grin “I bet she never did this.” She then went under the table we were sitting at and started undoing my pants. My eyes started darting around the room to see if anyone in the packed bar was watching, luckily no one was.

08.10.2016 Mully vs. Australian Rugby Girls

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/10/08/mully-vs-australian-rugby-girls/

Once we got back to their room, they threw me onto the bed and begun getting unchanged. What happened next was a fucked up mixture between sex and a game of footy.

04.12.2016 CranKING

https://tattooedmulligan.com/2016/12/04/cranking/

So yes, you guessed it, I jumped at the chance. With a roll of toilet paper in my hand and my pants around my feet ol’ Mully cranked one out in the private lap dance room to some classic Jenna Jameson Loves Brianna Banks early 2000’s porn. This was some bloody weird shit, It was as if I was at the semen clinic trying to rub one out. After about 10 minutes I popped my top, wiped myself off and bid the stripper owner goodnight.

Ex Girlfriends Sister Date Recap

If anyone ever says in the future “imagine sleeping with one of your ex’s sisters” I will answer with “mate read my blog; been there done that!”  

So let’s give this blog a sprinkle of a background story before recapping the date. Quite a few girls ago… I mean years ago… undoubtedly the same thing, I dated this stunning chick, absolute10 out of 10, even her personality would have been a solid 8. She was almost bloody perfect. Except for when she drunk, she would flirt with anything and anyone, eventually to the point where she cheated. So that’s what happened and we broke up but I stayed in touch with her sisters and mum on facebook. I kinda wish that I could say I got revenge on her by shagging her mum, but I didn’t, I just broke up with her and wisely moved on…….. until last Thursday. 

 

As I said, I had kept in contact with her mum and sisters, but only as acquaintances on facebook. All of a sudden out of the blue her eldest sister began messaging me last Thursday. After a bit of back and forth banter she asked me out for a drink the following night and the Hashtag #ExGirlfriendsSisterDate was born.

 

Let us recap: after work I met up with one of the bros at the local. We ended up getting dinner there and admittedly I had one too many brews, considering it was still early evening. Anyway I managed to wander past a few bars to meet her just after 8.30pm luckily she had only just arrived, I could see her from across the packed bar and fuck me she looked beautiful. We started chatting and soon enough her sister, my ex was brought up, apparently a leopard doesn’t change its spots, because according to my date she has had a string of boyfriends but can’t keep ‘em since, yup you guessed it; she cheats. 

We started flirting quite quickly, she even began bragging about how much more wild she was compared to her sister, I jokingly asked her to prove it, to which she says “buy me some tequila shots and i will”. We started shotting a tray of tequila shots, which after the fourth one made me vomit in my mouth a little. I kept giving her shit saying “your sister is way wilder” and then she looked me in the eye with a naughty grin “I bet she never did this.” She then went under the table we were sitting at and started undoing my pants. My eyes started darting around the room to see if anyone in the packed bar was watching, luckily no one was. She started sucking me off as I pretended to go on my phone, holy shit this was crazy! She was down there for a couple of minutes then stopped and re-emerged. “You are crazy!” I said smiling as she took a swig of her wine “let’s get out of here, I’m really wet” she said grinning. Bloody hell you don’t have to tell me twice. 

 

We went back to her place and started shagging, I sensed she was trying to be more crazy than she would normally be, by making me shove a finger up her bum and eventually goading me to partake in anal… a shitty time. I stayed at her place the entire night, high fiving myself silently while she slept, thinking that I had finally got some sweet revenge on my ex. Now to send my ex the selfie I took of me and her older sister in bed haha. 

Friends with Benefits

Guy meets girl, they have fun nothing serious just pure adult fun – no strings attached. As simple as that sounds and to most young guys that sounds like a fucking dream situation to be in, it sadly isn’t. Girls have feelings and as much as they can agree with you that its just fun, nine times out of ten they form an attachment. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but depending on the girl you have to tread very carefully when it comes to her feelings, always reminding her you just want fun. Now just picture a girl that falls for you, now add some psycho friends of hers into the mix and you have a recipe for bloody disaster. The last few weeks I have been seeing this girl called Krystal, a really really fun girl who I thought had the same mind set as me as it came to having fun. Oh how wrong I was.

After the last girl I met off Tinder which turned out to be a guy with a fucking foot fetish I was slightly reluctant to dabble with that app again, but like a junkie with a heroine habit I had to give it another go. I start the usual swipe right if you like crap and its not long before I start chatting to a girl called Krystal who seems alot of fun, we ended up meeting up last Thursday for a drink. That weekend was great, having sex every night. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I felt like she was made of elastic bending her body in ways which made me feel as if I was fucking a rubber band. I thought to myself, shit I could get used to this friends with benefits stuff (thats what we had agreed it would be). Come Monday it was back to work for me. My phone started buzzing at around morning tea time, it was telling me I had friend requests on Facebook from Krystals mates. Weird I thought but I accepted. I went around to her place on Tuesday night for a shag, as I walked in her friends off Facebook were there with her in the lounge. For the next half hour I got grilled by them with questions like “so what is this thing you and Krystal have?”, “are you going to ask her out”, “are you just messing her around”. Jesus Christ it felt like I was getting the third degree, when they finally left I asked Krystal what the hell was that about and as if she had rehearsed her answer she said “well I really like you and I think its time we called ourselves a couple, my mates agree with me”. A couple?! It was time to pull the ejector seat on this shit “whoa whoa wait a minute, I told you I don’t want a girlfriend and we both agreed this was just a bit of fun, friends with benefits”. She suddenly burst into tears “I fucking love you though Sean, we are perfect together”. She continued to sob and sob, I did my best to calm her down and I reminded her this was supposed to be just a bit of fun, she then told me I better go home. From that day on I have been getting abuse messages from her friends saying how much of a using prick I am and messages from her spanning from ones saying “I love you” and then to the polar opposite of “fuck you”.11330474_10204217557025476_489765858_n Luckily like all good apps most have block buttons, so after a few days worth of abuse and almost starting to believe her friends that I was a terrible human being, I finally block all those mother suckers. I know at least one of her friends will be reading this so to Amy this message is for you – hear all the facts before you Facebook, text and viber a guy horrible messages it just might save you from looking like a c*nt