Surgeon Date Recap

So these last two weeks have been pretty bloody tough to be honest, my nephew is basically in hospital permanently now which sucks. He is up in Auckland at a hospital called Starship, which is about 3 and a half hours from where I live.Luckily my boss is pretty chill and lets me drive up whenever I ask. 

I met a surgeon up there you in the cafeteria, we got talking and I let her know why I was there and that I was from Tauranga. She mentioned her parents live in Tauranga in a suburb called Matua and that she would be coming down for the weekend. I asked her if she wasn’t too busy if she would like to get a drink when she’s down; she smiles and says of course, yeahhaa boy!

We start texting and Snapchatting for a few days leading up to our Friday date with her even sending a naked snap which was bloody lush. On the Thursday night after she sent the nudie snap we got talking about sex and she asked if I had any fetishes. I must’ve sounded fucking boring as I couldn’t think of any. I asked her if she had any, her reply was weird and not very forthcoming. “I do but most people find it really weird so I don’t tell them until they know me well” she said.

Well fuck me, it could be anything a lot of weird shit started going through my mind. What if it’s poo porn? What if it’s humping a pillow porn, foot porn, shoving things up guy’s arses? – oh God not again.

After pressing her for a bit she wouldn’t reveal what her fetish was so come Friday I was slighty nervous and so was my bung hole. The chemistry was instantly noticeable when we started drinking, me pretending to be dumber than I am, asking stupid questions about surgeries etc. I again asked her what her fetish was but she wouldn’t tell me. After half a dozen shots of tequlia she opened up “I like to masturbate over those Dr Pipple popping videos, please don’t laugh” um what the fuck? Even in my drunken state I knew that was fucked up and all I could say to pretend it wasn’t too fucked was “oh well at least you’re not into poo porn”. I changed the subject pretty swiftly after that revelation.

Come midnight we taxied back to mine and, me being the gentleman and trying to support her fucked-up fetish, I asked her if she wanted to watch one. “Omg yes please if you don’t mind, there is a new one out I haven’t seen where she bursts a massive cyst.” I put the Youtube clip on the TV and she immediately starts fucking me, first with me on top, but she can’t get a good view of the TV. So she jumps on top and reverse cowgirls it. Now picture this fucked up situation; On the TV is a massive fucking cyst on some unwashed fucker’s back getting popped and then look at us, this chick is jumping up and down on my doodle organsming over this filthy shit. No amount of hotness would make me want to do this again but hey she fucking loved it.

After we finished I immediately turn the TV off as she gushed “that was the best sex ever”. All I could say was “that’s nice” because quite frankly that was one of the weirdest bloody things I have ever been a part of! 

Shite on the dance floor

Girls don’t like it if ya leave them in the club for long periods of time nor do they like it if ya fart during sex. Well this past weekend both of those things happened last night
I had been messaging this girl for a couple of days off of this new dating app called Bumble (surely whoever made that app could’ve named it something fucking better them bloody Bumble) when I thought fuck I’m getting bored with all this chitchat bullshit, I’ll just ask her out. She said yes, I got her address and promised to pick her up at 10pm that night. Around this time my stomach began playing up, feeling really tight, but thinking it was just indigestion, I thought nothing of it. 

I took her to the rugby flat where several dozen people had congregated earlier to watch the Maori All Blacks play the British & Irish Lions. We started pre-loading before going to town, doing shots of homemade spirits to doing funnels of beer, shit was getting hectic. We all decided it was time to go when my mate Bazza decide to tackle the wall; the wall lost. 

When we got to town the majority of us got declined entry at most places but luckily my mate knew the bouncers on the Bahama Hut nightclub door so in we went. We started dancing or attempting to, the place was packed, my stomach began playing up again. I thought I would let it out with a hard satisfying fart…. 

 

Arhhhhh Sqeeze Arhhhhh

 

PLOOP…. OMG 

 

FUCK

 

I’ve shit myself.

 

I bolt to the bathroom, pushing past people feeling the runny shit dribbling down my inner of my pants. I get to the toilet, pull my pants down and it looks like a fucking bomb had gone off in there. Still pretty drunk and not wanting to cut the night short I grab my soiled undies and take them with me back to the nightclub. Just before I spot my date I drop them on the dance floor and shuffle over to her. “Where have you been!” she wails. “Taking care of some business in the loo” I yell to her over the loud music, “I thought you left me!” she said.

Now back to the soiled undies as we continued to dance I saw these shitty things get kicked to all corners of the fucking club. It was like a beachball at a concert only shittier. Whoever the poor cunt was at the end of the night that had to do clean up I’m sorry.  

I took the girl back to mine with my stomach feeling better after emptying it at the club. We start having sex which by all accounts was great and then it hit me halfway through, I need to fart but I don’t know if a fart is all that will happen. I try holding it which made it worst and eventually it falls out. BURRRRRRRRTTT luckily it was just a fart but it was a loud bastard. “Ewwww get off, you’re disgusting” my date said, getting up and dressed “ring me a taxi”.

All I could think when she left was, I’m glad she didn’t see the shit that happened at the bloody club if she thought a fucking fart was disgusting! 

Mully vs. Australian Rugby Girls

First off I have to say UP! UP! Cronulla. What an amazing game that was to see live, as the final whistle blew the excitement and noise in the stadium was off the charts! This isn’t a footy blog so that’s enough about that. This is the next instalment of Mully Dates. Unfortunately having ran out of data I couldn’t live tweet it out but not to worry I took notes.

After flying into Sydney and getting patted down by ozzy boarder security it was off to Kings Cross for a well-deserved beer. After pub hoping for a bit me and the boys spotted the perfect pub. There were about a good 30-40 girls all dressed up as maids, policewomen etc. and no guys?! WTF. I asked one of them where all the penises were. “We’re on a double hen’s night” one of them replied in a thick ozzy accent. “So why are you guys drinking at this seedy place?” I asked. With a smirk she replied “upstairs is a male strip club mate”. Well fuck me dead I had found the perfect place to pick up girls, the fucking holy-grail!! The girls went up to the strippers, got themselves all bloody hot and heavy and ol’ mully waited downstairs to swoop in! Well the first horde of girls went up and half an hour later came down but scurried off into the night “fuck sake!” I thought. I asked the bartender if there was another show later on. Luckily another show was scheduled in an hours’ time.

After a few more beers the next horde of ladies came into the bar, these ones were noticeably fit with muscly legs bulging out. “Fuck it’s a bunch of cross fit muppets’’ I thought. But after chatting to them they revealed that they played rugby league, nice! All these beers had me in dire need to drain my vain, so I headed into the toilet but, just like a fucking league game, I got intercepted by two of the big beefy girls. They shoved me into the ladies toilet and began giving me the best bj I have ever bloody had, they sucked my balls better than any fucking vacuum cleaner ever has! Wanting to obviously get their end away after the strip show the big girls grabbed me and basically tackled me into a taxi “We’re going back to our room big boy” the biggest one scoffed. Once we got back to their room, they threw me onto the bed and begun getting unchanged. What happened next was a fucked up mixture between sex and a game of footy. They grabbed my willy as if it was a fucking gear shift, shoving it between their legs, once one thought the other girl had had enough of a turn on it she shoved her off and sat on it. This carried on for a good 40 minutes until I was drenched in ozzy girl slime. I bid them a good night saying I had to get back to my mates but these fuckers wouldn’t let me leave, tackling me back onto the saturated bed for round two! I eventually got away and back to where I was staying thankfully with only minimum bruising. Those ozzy girls like sex like they love their footy; sweaty and rough as fuck!

 

Painter Date Recap

Well, well, well, first date back from a brief hiatus and fuck me, it doesn’t go smoothly. Now I wish I could just tweet my date out and have it end with me banging the chick, but this isn’t a fairy tale where we bang happily ever after. No, no, no this shit is real life where anything can happen and did.

After sub-contracting all week to another painting crew I got talking to one of the boys from the other painting crew. He told me about this chick that his boss had employed and given a painting apprenticeship almost straight away. Apparently there was a lot of animosity towards her from all of the other painters as they had to prove themselves for over a year before they got offered an apprenticeship. Not thinking too much into like hmmm her boss might have the hot’s for her, I got her number and began texting her.

She seemed pretty cool over text and apparently had seen me on building sites in the past. I asked her out for a drink on Thursday night and she accepted… The #PainterDate was born. Let us recap…..

Before meeting up with her I tried this new Cider that had just come out and holy shit it was so good, best thing I had tasted since I had gone down on that Canadian girl back in February and that shit tasted like fucking peaches.  We meet up down at her local pub in a suburb in Tauranga called Bureta. She glammed herself up pretty good but I still could see bits of paint under her nails. She had good banter and even ordered a bloody jug of beer for herself.

We started getting jolly and opening up after a couple of jugs of beer. We started talking about sex and she admitted to being so horny on a job she used her paint brush as a dildo, holy fuck! And here was me thinking I was a weirdo for fucking my paint roller sleeve!

I got back from a pee and noticed a concerned look on her face as she was furiously texting someone. It was her boss, she hadn’t finished sanding the room she was on or some shit like that and he wasn’t happy! He kept trying to ring her and eventually resorted to texting her, not being one to let a cock ruin my night I brought us shots and soldiered on.

Before long her fucking boss turned up and started having a full blown argument. He pointed towards me saying “who’s this guy?? Aren’t you supposed to be with Andy?!” Who the fucks Andy I thought. “Fuck Andy, he’s boring” She replied “We broke up on Sunday” Her boss changed his tune as soon as he clicked she was single and the 50 something year old turned on his McSleeze. He stopped arguing, got us all a round and added himself to our fucking date, what the fucking fuck!!!

This fucker started to her all touchy, touchy with her and instead of shrugging it off this tart is fucking loving it. I snap a couple of pictures for twitter, knock back a beer he paid for and bid them a good night by saying “well enjoying having his wrinkly balls hitting your arse tonight.” I walk out of the bar to her yelling at me “fucking prick” and her boss saying “come back and say it to my face” Pfft whatever mate.

 

From Crab Tree to Vag Pee

As I sit in this empty diner on my way back from Napier with no reception on my phone I can’t help but laugh at what happened down in Napier. It was my mates 30th and me and his mate have decided to go down there for the weekend.

Now from a shagging aspect this past weekend was shite, the only action I got was from Mrs Palmer and even she was pretty unenthused. It wasn’t as if it was from lack of trying, I was tindering a tonne of girls but everyone either had plans elsewhere or it was that time of the month.

My lucky mate Darren who had flown down from Auckland, found a hottie who was keen to meet up with him at the Sons of Zion concert. So that was us off to the Sons of Zion concert at a vineyard called The Crabtree. Now I don’t usually like New Zealand bands but these guys kicked arse, what made them sound even better was probably the thick cloud of weed smoke that encompassed the crowd. Darren eventually found his chick whom had a couple of mates with her.

Darren and me decided to go back to their place which was situated on the notorious Napier Hills (see one of my first blogs to see why they are so notorious  https://tattooedmulligan.com/2014/08/26/meeting-mountain-women/) Tim wanted to get back to his Mrs so we shared a taxi with him, got off at the Napier hills and he carried onto Tamatea where he lives.

Once we got there we carried on drinking until I comatosed out on the sofa with her dog. Darren and the three girls carried on drinking until two of them went home and him and his girl went to bed. Darren and the girl started getting down and dirty sharing oral with each other, trading a blow job for a finger blast, then Darren thought ‘Fuck it, I’m going to go down on her’ which in my eyes is a cardinal sin to eat out a one night stand, but hey, everyone’s different.

So he starts going to town eating this girl as if she was a 2am bloody kebab, she begins to get wetter and wetter and louder and louder. All of a sudden she lets out a huge moan and boom she cums/pees right down his throat. I awake from my coma to the sound of Darren yakking his guts up, I wander into the toilet and see him fast down in the bowl, “you alright D man?” I ask, no reply, I then wander into her room and I can smell urine. “What happened to Darren?” I ask the girl. “I was cumming” she said in a sad voice “but my bladder was full and I ended up peeing.” EWW WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

Well Darren and me ended up getting the hell out of there and back to Tim’s as fast as we could. In the morning we broke the news to Tim and his partner while they were eating breakfast, Tim choked on a mouthful of coffee…which was more tasty than what poor Darren choked on the night before!!

Pokémon Go Date

If someone told me a month ago that I wouldn’t be drinking on a Saturday night but would be driving across the city catching fucking Pokemon I would of laughed in their face. That’s exactly what happened last Saturday night and to be honest I still can’t believe it.

I went for a run early on Saturday to hatch my eggs (if you walk or run in real life the Pokemon app tracks it and your Pokemon eggs hatch at 2km, 5km or 10km) I stopped off at a Pokestop and noticed a few groups hanging around. I approached one of them and began chatting about what they have caught etc. One of them looked pretty decent in the nerdy-type way with blue hair and metal rings stuck to every facet of her face. I hit it off pretty well talking about Pokemon showing her mine and her showing me hers…Pokemon that is. I eventually got her number with the promise that if I see any special Pokemon in certain areas of Tauranga I would let her know. I wanted to point to my crotch and let her know there was a special edition Charmander in there waiting to evolve but I thought better of it.

When I got home I almost immediately started texting her, all she seemed interested in was Pokemon, which was fine and I didn’t think much of it. I ended up asking her if she would like to get dinner and go on a Pokemon hunt. I picked her up and she politely demanded we only eat at a place right next to a Pokestop or Gym. I found a nice pub but it was too far away from a Pokestop, so back in the fucking car and off to find another one. I drove all over town until I found one in a suburb called Greerton. She made sure to test that the Pokestop was close enough, gave the approving yes, and I ordered myself a jug of well deserved beer. Over dinner all she did was constantly check her phone for Pokemon, I knew this was what the date was all about…but fuck me lets get drunk and get naked!

Dinner was pretty non eventful apart from her yelling out “Fuck sake not an Eevee!!” The whole pub turned to look at her as she raged out loud about a Pokemon egg that just bloody hatched.

After dinner she suggested we go down to the local hook up spot down by the water at memorial park. ‘Fuck yes’ I thought – time for my Charmander in my pants to evolve. When we parked up I was about to lean in for a kiss when she yelled out “Yay we are by the water. We can catch water type Pokemon!!” Ugh for fuck sake I just wanted to grab her phone off her, but keeping my calm I played along pretending to be into it too.

After about 10 minutes a car pulls up beside us. Three dodgy looking characters get out and begin to knock on my car door. “Can I see your Pokemon bro” the hooded lad says. “Lets get the fuck outta here” says my now spooked date. I start the car and take off leaving the three hooded dudes behind.

This must have snapped the girl out of her Pokemon hypnosis as now she turned back into a normal human being and began to fucking talk! I could tell she was nervous as she wanted to go home but I was just glad she was talking.

Once we got to her house she noticed her flatmate was gone, not wanting to be alone as she was still a bit spooked she invited me in.

Well it’s safe to say she rode me like Horsea, her Jigglypuffs looked amazing. As she played with my Pokeballs I could feel myself about to Squirlte but managed not to. It wasn’t long though until I learned ‘Water Gun’ and splashed it everywhere. As I left her place I thanked her for giving me a Cubone but told her she was just another Magicarp…I was looking for a Gyarados

Reverse Kanga

Reverse Kanga Have you ever met someone that thinks they are better than you? I fucking hate these type of people; some don’t make it too obvious but the ones that do grate on my nerves so much. This past weekend I met one of these type of creatures in Taupo.

I don’t think I have ever felt so cold that my penis decides to retreat into my body than I did as I began to walk to the pubs and clubs in Taupo. My usual back packers above one of the bars was booked out so me and the bros had to book into this crusty shit hole some 2kms away. Fuck me that walk to the clubs not only sobered us up extremely fast but it felt like we were on an expedition to the fucking north pole. It was so cold that even my bloody balls were trying to push past my doodle to get warm. We arrived at the Taupo night spot and immediately placed ourselves near a heater in one of the pubs to defrost our limbs. After bringing my willy back from near hypothermia we got drinks and began to assess the talent, I noticed two babes in their early thirties on the far side of the club. I decide to go say hi so after a couple of shots of courage in the form of jäger I approached them.

“Hey how’s your night going” I ask placing my drink on the bar table they were drinking on. “Good” one of them muttered, another think I hate is one word answers, fuckers. Not getting the uninterested tone and posture they were expressing, I ask if they want a shot. Their eyes light up like a pig in shit “oh yes please that would be nice” they chirp. I bring one of my mates over knowing that I was only getting used to buy them drinks, but I thought bugger it there isn’t really any other talent around. After an hour or so they had to leave to go to a 30th party, the blonde one said “If I don’t find anyone else by the end of the night I’ll come home with you.” I wasn’t sure how to take this, but on later reflection I took it as her pretty much saying “I can do better than you because I am better then you, but I’ll settle if I have to” this really fucked me off but revenge is sweet if you can plan for it. Long story short she ended up texting me saying “Hey you, found nothing better – meet me outside Finns Pub and we can catch a taxi to mine”. Thinking with my dick I jump at the chance. On the taxi ride home she gives me the 411 on how to sneak in as she didn’t want her flatmates to see me, it was as if she would be too embarrassed to be seen with me.

We sneak in and start kissing on her bed and eventually start having sex. Now the sex was fucking terrible she lies there like a complete starfish; hardly even spreading her legs properly. Whoever she had done it with before I feel sorry for. When we finished she began critiquing my sex moves, well fuck me right?! I told her I neede270112033330-thumbnail_23_-Jamie-beim-Zuhalten-unserer-geplatzten-Wasserleitung---Danke-nochmald to go catch up with my mates but I had to use the toilet first “ok if you really have to but please be quiet going to the toilet, I don’t want my flatmates to wake up and see you”. Such a bitch, ok I get it you’re ashamed of me – well it was time for some sweet revenge. I had a poo brewing all night so instead of sitting on the toilet normally, I sit on it in reverse straddling the back and preform a reverse kanga shitting all down the inner front, not flushing of course. Reflecting on how nasty this girl was to me I grab some lip stick I found and write “Thanks for the fuck Kate” on the mirror then go on my merry way. Revenge can come in many ways but a reverse kanga is one of the bloody best!

 

Welly Date Recap

As I’m lying here watching Orange is the New Black on this cold arse Sunday night I can’t help but laugh thinking about how Tuesday’s date in Wellington went.

The best place to start is at the beginning. I boarded the plane from Tauranga to Welly.  The flight was terrible there was so much turbulence. At one stage I was trying to stand over the toilet taking a slash when whoosh, we hit some fucking turbulence and urine went all over me – bad bloody start to the trip so far. I went back to my seat trying to hide the wet batch from the big ogre dude who I was sitting next to. This ogre bastard took up just under half of my seat too which was another thing on this flight that sucked. Halfway through the flight I thought fuck this I’m going to check if I can switch seat. “No sorry” is what I got from a plastic Barbie doll looking attendant “but you can have another lolly or cookie” why thanks a fucking bunch!!! …. I took the cookie and lolly.

I arrived to my motel around 3pm which was good cause it gave me time to go out and get a box of beers from Pak n Save, drink at the motel, jump on Tinder and hopefully find someone to go out to dinner with. As soon as I passed the aisle of value at Pak n Save I begun to walk through the fruit and vegetable part and that’s when I heard a girl’s voice from over by the potatoes “whoa cool tattoos.” I look up to see if she was talking to me, she was and she looked pretty decent. We got to chatting for about 5 minutes whilst she filled various vegetable displays up. At one point she had a carrot in her hand and began to wank it “you’re really hot by the way but you probably know that” she said continuing to give this lucky bloody carrot the stroking of its life. I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink, she said yes so I grabbed her number and wondered off to get myself a box of beer.

After polishing off a few beers I gave miss Pak n Save a text seeing where she wants to go for dinner. She suggested Lone Star which sounded fine to me, we agreed on meeting there at 8pm. I had a few more beers, grabbed a uber taxi and headed into Lone Star Restaurant. I waited in the bar part for five minutes as I hadn’t got a reply from her in a while but then thought bugger it I will grab a table in clear view of door so I can wave her over. I’m not sure how long you’re supposed to fucking wait for someone but ten minutes turned into twenty minutes which turned into half an hour, and that’s when I thought fuck I think I’ve been stood up. I was about to text her to see where the hell she was and that’s when she texts me “really sorry, had to work late doing a banana display” a bloody banana display?!?! Are you kidding me!!!!! She explained in more detail saying that her boss made her and she didn’t have her phone until she finished. After a while she actually sent me a picture of the fucking banana display along with a message saying sorry again cheeky bitch.

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I ended up having dinner by myself, I could feel a dozen eyes on me all the time as if all the other patrons at this restaurant knew I had been stood up. The waitress must have even felt sorry for me as she brought me a beer and asked if I was ok. Another lesson learned from this non date, if the girl works at a supermarket; make sure she doesn’t have a fucking banana display to finish. This no show made me feel pretty stink for about 4 days until I thought bugger it – time to get back on the horse. After a few dead ends I met up with a likeminded girl last night, danced the night away and ended up playing hide the sausage at her nanas house with her nana! Ok not with her nana, but I was that horny that if her bloody nana had asked to join in I wouldn’t have turned her away. Could a Granny Date be on the cards next? Who knows but for now I’m gonna get back to Tinder, head refreshed and keep on keeping on.

 

Date Site Date Recap

What a sad week it was last week, my blonde Canadian friend flew back to Canada and I met a girl that smelt like a walking ash tray. Anyway the day was Friday and I jumped onto the NZ Dating website; which is a lot like Tinder but its been around for as long as I can remember. You create a profile and click which category you would like your profile to be found on out of relationships, friendships or sexual meetings. When I think of sexual meetings I think of hot as lonely girls on the net looking for a bit of action. Well after browsing the sexual meeting profiles on this NZ dating site most of them are 50 year old toothless grannys looking for a bloody guy to fill their hot water bottle up and help take their fucking false teeth out in preparation for a gum job, fuck no! After getting hit on by half a dozen hungry grannies I luckily found one that was online that was younger than my mum (usually one of my only standards). We start messaging and the third message in she is talking filthy, she is horny as shit which is kinda no surprise being in the section I found her in. I ask her if she wants to come over as all this sex text messaging bullshit doesn’t really do it for me, she said she would get ask her mum if she can babysit. 5 minutes later she replies she can and #DateSiteDate live twitter tweets were born.

The Recap

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When she arrived she immediately hugged me and I am met with the over powering stench of cigarettes and far too much perfume. The lounge was free as my flatmate had called me a weirdo for inviting her over and had gone to bed. We have a chat to start things off and eventually snuggle while watching a movie. Thinking it was close to hide the sausage time I started feeling her legs a little bit, she whispers to me that she usually doesn’t do this….hmmm does she fucking not know her profile is in the bloody sexual meeting category with her profile name something like “Fuck Kitten” jesus.

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Yup that’s right as the movie continues I look over at her and she has fallen asleep, are you fucking kidding me!!! I know she wasn’t pretending either because she began heavy breathing and almost started snoring, what the hell.

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I facebook  my flatmate and tell her whats happened and she is pissing herself suggesting I change my twitter name to Bore Mulligan, not funny. She agrees to ring my phone so I can wake this tart up, I put the phones volume right up and nestle it right by her ear. “RING RING RING” she hits the fucking roof and its gilorious ‘Oh sorry I must’ve difted off” she says yawning. Trying to hold the laughter in I ask her if she would like to go home to bed, but no no no this little nap must’ve reinvigorated her because the horny bitch I had been talking to online suddenly came out to play. She started rubbing my crotch, she then went in for a kiss with partial sleep breath mixed with tobacco. I felt myself about to dry reach and pulled my mouth off hers and began kissing her neck. Her neck was no bloody better either as it was covered in fucking perfume, writing this on the sofa I can still smell her stench and it still makes me physically ill.

We whipped off our clothes and I immediately spun her around for doggy style; avoiding any more kissing. After we were done she wanted to cuddle but I said I needed to take a shit so with that she went for a tinkle, chucked her undies on and left – thank fuck. Since Friday she has been sending me mean messages. Telling me how bad the sex was trying to critique me, total bullshit to the point that I have decided to send her a link to this blog when posted so she can see it wasn’t all my fault, kind of hard to be in the “lets have great sex”mood when your shag not only falls asleep but smells so bad that not even a dog would sniff her arse.

Lake Weekend

It is a rare occurrence that my mates and I are all single at the same time, at least one of us is in a serious relationship trying to play boyfriend and girlfriend. But last week out of the blue my mate Tim texted me “I’m free bro, the shackles are off.” Now Tim is a type of guy that needs companionship, he fucking struggles to function without it so when he told me he was single I was in two minds about it. On one hand I was happy I had my night clubbing bro back but on the other hand I was concerned he was going to find it hard to cope with no woman to make sure he wipes his arse. After a kiwi style heart to heart that went like this:

Me: “you sure you all good bro”

Tim: “yeah bro”

Me: “sweet”

Tim suggested getting away from Tauranga for the weekend to get his mind of his ex as he didn’t want to see her if we went out. So we decided to get the old crew together and head to the lake for the night on Saturday. As I pulled up to the car park at the Lake Okareka camping site just outside of Rotorua I had a feeling of freedom. No phone service meant I had to actually make proper conversation. Tents were as far as the eye could see, this looked awesome I thought. As we walked in there was a young looking guy moaning about the long drop toilets being disgusting to anyone that would listen. Mostly everyone I could see was about 20-30 with the odd few families as well but fuck me there looked like a fair bit of talent. There were empty cans and rubbish everywhere, which later on I found out was from a bunch of tourists who didn’t give a shit about our clean green country.

We arrived late so all the best tenting spots were taken, luckily a nice bunch of girls around our age rearranged their tents and let us tent in beside them, top chicks! There were four of us guys. We put our tent up and began to have a few drinks. The sun was beaming down which made the drinks go down that much easier. Before long it started to get dark. We all started missing having coverage on our phones like crazy so decided to venture into town for a feed of fish n chips. Once we got back to the campsite the majority of the people where drinking. We got back to our tent and soon got approached by a girl offering to buy a beer off us as she had run out. Me being such a lovely gentleman I gave her a beer and told her we didn’t want any money and to enjoy the drink. Well this made her so happy she stayed and drank with us. Soon her friends came over and drank with us too loving it.

After about an hour I looked around and noticed we all had a girl on our laps even Tim, how freaking cool was this. We decide to go into our tent and the girls followed. Luckily this tent was huge so we had our own rooms, we all started having sex. Well I know I did. This chick was lush and being a typical kiwi chick she certainly knew what she liked. After a while I could feel that I was sweating profusely but I didn’t want it to end! I was busting out some of my best moves on this girl, “go mully go” I thought then immediately thought “fuck I’m a dick”. After we finished it was so hot that for the rest of the night we slept out on the grass. As we lay there I could hear Tim and his girl still going at it which was fine but the thing that make me and my girl cringe was when we heard him finish. Tim was panting louder and louder until he let out this all mighty moan which sounded like a fucking dying moose. The next thing I know he comes waltzing out of the tent grinning from ear to ear “Fuck that was great” he said smiling even more “bro you sounded like a dying moose” I tell him. But he’s too happy to care and runs off stark naked into the lake. What a great bloody night and nothing bad happened. I could do with a few more of these type of nights!