Going To A Swingers Party

As I walked into this fancy apartment on the beach of the beautiful Mount Maunganui the first thing I saw was a dude stark naked with a pineapple ring on his erect penis. Well fuck me I’m not in Kansas anymore I told my friend, no no no I was at a swingers party! 

 
Let’s back up for a minute, so I got invited to this swingers do from a mate of mine that works at the local club. She had to tell a bit of a white lie and say she had a boyfriend so that she could go. Who better to call on then me she told me on facebook and to be honest it took bugger all convincing to make me wanna go as I’ve always wanted to go to a swingers party.
 
We got ready putting on my best collared top  and headed over to Mount Maunganui. We took the elevator to the 9th floor in the swanky towers that overlook the beautiful beach. As I said in the beginning we were greeted with one guy naked walking around with fucking pineapple rings around his erect knob. Everyone else was dressed and chit-chatting away, we started talking to a middle-aged couple my mate gave me the secret thumbs up that we had discussed earlier if we wanted to shag someone. The woman was about 45 and the guy was about 55 both business looking, they asked us if we would like to go to the bed room, I swigged my glass of champers grabbed another one and off we went. 
 
My mate did a sexy dance disrobing her and myself and began sucking me off the woman followed suit by sucking her man off. Then the girls changed partners, this was fucking awesome I thought. We started shagging and I couldn’t help but find it weird that I was screwing this dude’s wife in front of him and he didn’t care. We kept going for awhile swapping partners then swapping back. Funny part happened when this dude decided to finish, he announced it to everyone “I’m guna cum” he yelped and without a word of a lie he made the must fucked up organism noise I have every heard. “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” He moaned sounding like a fucking donkey on heat. 
 
We all lay there naked for a while, we told them that it was our first time at one of these shindigs, they told us they were regulars. I asked them why they do it? And they both said that they love each other and would rather have fun together then cheat and break up, they have been through too much.
 
As we walked out of the bedroom things had gotten a bit from X-rated, the dude with the pineapple rings around his dick was getting sucked off and everyone else was either in another bedroom or stark naked watching old pineapple cock getting sucked off. We left not long after coming out of the bedroom, this was a bloody interesting night. 

Road Trip Night Three Auckland

BOOM!!! No STD/STI! I’m clean. Got that great news back on Tuesday which is such a relief. All the nervous scratching down there and constant thought of “am I clean?” can finally be put to rest. If I had to make a survival kit for having a one night stand, especially with someone off tinder, it would definitely consist of a box of condoms and possibly pepper spray if that chick be crazy. (Remember hitting woman isn’t cool, but if they hitting you I bet you wish you had listened to me about buying some pepper spray!) Anyway, here is Round 3 – the final round of my weekend road trip, Auckland here I come! ;);P

I awake at my mates place in Mount Maunganui attempting to piece together what happened last night. Luckily these days I take notes and videos while I’m drunk so I can write the most accurate account of what happened, such a geek aye! At this stage its lunchtime, so it’s time to make my way up to Auckland. Still hung over I smash back a Blue powerade sports drink that usually seems to make things slightly better. I pick up my two mates from Hamilton on the way. They have already started making their way through their first box when I pick them up. My Auckland mate Azza lives in Mt Roskill in this lush two story house. As soon as we get there we are greeted by Azza with a warm smile and cold beer. We start drinking, drinking and more drinking. Soon the afternoon becomes evening and evening becomes night. The rugby league has just finished so we decide to start getting ready to hit town. I get into my routine which seems to come so naturally when I’m drunk. Hot cloth, cold cloth, face moisturizer. Hair wax, deodorant, cologne and then town clothes. Such an effort to look good! We get into town at about midnight. We spent a good hour down the viaduct which was so costly. We met these Canadian girls who suggested we follow them to Globe night club, Jesus I would follow these blonde bombshells anywhere! We headed to Globe night club which was awesome. We danced and danced with these Canadian girls even though they told us they had boyfriends. They asked what I did for a job so I pulled the “I am a tattooist” card which they thought was awesome, obviously. They told me their friend would probably like me and we should go meet her, I asked where and they said Show Girls the strip club.

“Please welcome to the stage the saucy sultry siren!!” booms the DJ and out comes the sexiest blonde girl I have seen in ages. She has a banging body and works the pole as if it was a part of her. After her routine is finished she comes over and hugs her friends. “Who are these guys?” she asks in her Canadian accent. They introduce us and quickly announce that I’m a tattooist. That’s all it took, she is suddenly all over me asking me questions, showing me her tattoos and flirting. I ordered a private lap dance off her, which cost me 150 bucks. Stuff started to get hot and heavy in the private rooms. She immediately got naked putting her legs over my head letting me lick her vag which she seemed to enjoy a lot. We started hooking up and she gave me a hand job. I asked when she finished and she said 4, me being forth coming I asked if she wanted to come back to my mates place but she said no! She had a better idea, she told me to go back to her place with her friends, sweet! She told her friends what was happening so I bid farewell to my mates and went back to her friends place.

These girls have the nicest apartment right in the city, as I waited for the stripper to finish work one of her friends went to bed but the other one stayed up with me. I knew she had a boyfriend (or so she said) so I didn’t wanna flirt with her, plus I was waiting for her mate. She came and sat right next to me, and then started snuggling into me. The next thing I knew we were kissing and off to her bedroom I went. We had sex for about half an hour which was pretty great, probably greater because her mate was coming home soon. After we had finished I quickly got changed and waited on the couch for round 2. The stripper finally came home and it was all on again. She brought some toys home from her job, looking back on it I bloody hope they were sanitized! She tied me to her bed post and began whipping me which fucking hurt and started to make me bleed on my stomach; I played along with this weird shit until it really started to hurt. She wanted me to do her now. By this stage I was pissed off with how sore she had whipped me, so I gladly grabbed that whip and whipped the shit out of her. To my surprise she fucking loved it! After this weird foreplay we finally had sex which was great and went to sleep. I got a taxi in the morning back to Azza’s, I told the boys what went down and it was as if I had won lotto there were high fives all around – typical lad shit.

That brings the curtain on my big weekend road trip, thanks for reading I think I am gonna have this week off the booze so I can let my poor liver recover!