Things I Hate About Going Out

Talk about a dry mouth of female company. My god forget about Dry July, this month has been Abstinence August for yours truly. So since I can’t seem to shag a thing at the moment I thought I would compile a list of things I hate when going out.  

Taxi Drivers!

God I hate when ya ring a taxi company to book a taxi and the operator gives you an ETA of fifteen minutes, so typically you crack open a new beer but as soon as you do the bloody taxi is waiting outside! First world problem I know but its shit having to skull a delicious beer like Desperados (shameless plug). Then on the other side of the spectrum you can be waiting bloody ages for a taxi especially around 12am when every other mug is trying to get to town. 

 In the dictionary they should add another meaning for these tossers – ‘Jumped up fuck wits that have anger problems’. Ok ok a lot are good buggers, in fact I was one for a couple of weeks but EVERY WEEKEND I go out there is at least 4 or 5 that are just looking to get physical when physicality is not necessarily needed. 

Club Owners!!! 

There is a certain club in Hamilton where the toss of an owner does not allow people with tattoos in; even though he employs a DJ that has fucking tattoos. Arhhhh this guy does my head in! Another bar owner here in Tauranga is just a full on sleaze. Promising one girl I know a measly thirty cent pay rise to sleep with him and sadly she did, which she regrets to this day. 

Drunk Students!!!!

God I hate youngsters (I’m sounding like an old prick) that have just turned eighteen and decide to go to town clubbing, yet don’t really know the club etiquette (is there such a thing?). A perfect example of this is while I’m dancing having a great time with who ever these pimply little fucks just drunkenly push past, shouldering guys and gals with no fucks given – little bastards! 
Girl’s Mates!!!!!

When a girls into me & i’m into her and she has invited me to come back to her place and then her bloody friends have given me the red card, the get lost, the ‘she doesn’t need this right now’. After three bloody hours of dancing and buying drinks the last thing I need is for a girls ugly friend, who couldn’t score a guy, put the brakes on mine and her friends fun – sod off! 

Kebab Shops!!!!!

Trying to get a few extra dollars out of some drunk fella is a pretty clever idea, but when you charge me thirty five dollars for a fucking soggy arse kebab I think I am going to notice! I may certainly be drunk but i’m not stupid. If you are going to Auckland be very very wary of this, there is a kebab shop on a side street off Queen street that will rip you off if you are not paying attention.
Well that’s a load off my chest, hopefully this time next week I will have gone out, met a girl and have a story to tell! 

-Tattooed Mulligan