The Morally Wrong Date Recap

Well yesterday I decided to do another Mulligan Live Date tweet session. This would be my third one and to be honest I wanted to do something a little different. Instead of what could be a potentially boring as shite date with boring arse tweets about how great the food is, I wanted to do something a little mean. 12212134_10206988755909243_2033046877_nThat’s where the idea of doing a morally wrong date came up, now I can’t take all the credit for this as my flatmate helped me come up with it and also set me up with one of her friends for a blind date, what a mean friend, great flatmate though!

Anyway here is the recap of the Morally Wrong Date I went on and tweeted about last night enjoy! 12204646_10206988757349279_206653240_n

So we had agreed over text to meet at 6pm at the Pizza Library, so
my first morally wrong act was to turn up late . . twenty odd minutes late. Walking up to her car she didn’t look impressed at all

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We headed into the Pizza Library to order our meals, we ordered one of the huge American style pizzas and I get a beer. When it’s time to pay I haven’t got my wallet on me (morally wrong act number 2) Looking embarrassed she insists she will pay. At this stage I was feeling like a dick and was getting it on social media being called a bully and mean ( I’m really not).

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Now the next thing to do throughout the whole date was to make no conversation, give one word answers and be on my phone the whole time.10575918_10206988757829291_198506399_n I started feeling awful around the time the pizza came out, this was clearly a lovely girl and she was trying so hard to talk to me. After what seemed like a good half an hour I jumped on tinder deliberately and made sure she saw it and fuck me she snapped!! She started having a go at me and while she was I was tweeting the whole conversation . . . until I got a little bit wet.

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She started getting up to leave and I had to bring her in on the secret, at first she didn’t believe me but luckily I had told my flatmate to DM her on Facebook to say it was just a social experiment I was doing on twitter (Social experiment?! fuck me my flatmate made it sound bloody awesome). She laughed and said I was an A hole. We then had a proper date with me buying dessert and then we set off to the pub.

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We had such a good time at the pub with her looking through my twitter feed laughing at all my tweets about our date. 9After sinking about half a dozen beers each (yes she drinks beer! dream girl) she put her hand on mine and suggested I tweet about that which of course I did. Things got a lot steamier from there onwards, we shared a few kisses on the empty balcony at which point I asked her if she wanted to come back to mine for a movie and to my amazement she said yes. This date had come full circle which was a big relief to me as she is such a cool chick.

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Well we got into about a third of the movie in the spooning cuddle p12osition and you know what they say about spooning, it leads to a bloody good forking and that it did! She spent the night at my place with the only downside being that she snored the house down.

Well that was the recap of the morally wrong date, hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did – T Mulligan

A Night With A John Cena Fan

I met this pretty nice looking chick on Tinder the other day. After a pretty great weekend in Auckland at the NRL Nines I got back to the reality of work in Tauranga on Monday. After struggling through the morning trying to work through a vicious hangover I jumped on the Tinder dating app on my iPhone. After what seemed like at least a hundred swipes to the left, I stumbled upon a girl that looked ok. I was almost going to swipe left for no thanks, then suddenly I read in her bio that she liked watching Wrestling!!!!! Holy fuck my dream girl I thought.

 I waited and waited for a notification to see if she liked me back. Within an hour Tinder notified me I had a match – and it was her! Too sweet!!! We started chatting and I brought up liking wrestling, which to her excitement and to my shock, she invited me over to her place to have a night of watching wrestling DVD’s. A dream come true I thought! I asked if she wanted me to bring any DVD’s but she said she had heaps for us to watch.

I got myself ready and laid all my wrestling t-shirts I had brought from prowrestlingtees.com out on my bed trying to figure out which to wear. I settled on my bullet club t-shirt my friend Bad Luck Fale had given me. I pulled up to her house and I was greeted warmly “do you like my shirt?” I asked, “yeah its cool, is it a rock band?” she questioned. GREAT! She didn’t know who the Bullet Club was – what type of wrestling fan was she!? We sat and talked for a while, I asked her who her favourite wrestler was and she said with excitement in her voice “John Cena” ohhhh fuck god no I thought! The man of a whopping 10 moves, seen one match seen them bloody all ughhh. “Oh cool” I said with a depressed look on my face. “Who are yours” she fired back at me. Each name I rattled off she had no idea who the hell they were. I tried to change subjects and asked what DVD’s she had for us to watch. She ran over to the TV and just when I thought this night couldn’t get any worse she pulled out the fucking John Cena Experience, a three disc DVD set of doom! “Have you got anything else” I pleaded but she insisted she really wanted to watch the doctor of thugonomics. So for two and a half hours we watched John Cena wrestle the same fucking match but with different oponents and slighty different jorts. I kept trying to kiss her but she was glued to this crap, eventually she caved in to my advances and we began to make out. It started to get hot and heavy and I went to turn the TV off but she wanted it left on. So while we got down to business we have John fucking Cena in the background cutting a god awful promo. Let me tell you it was EXTREMELY hard to get in the groove while that crap was on in the background. After we were all done the disc had finally gone back to the menu, we got changed and I told her I had an early start so she released me. As I bid her goodnight I wished her well in her future endeavours to which she said “we will have to do this again real soon, I will buy John Cenas Greatest Rivalries for us to watch” FUCK THAT I thought I would rather watch Eva Marie best of dvd!!!

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Wrong Time To Fart

Wow, what a weird weekend it was. As I sit in the laundry mat today waiting for my sheets to wash. I continue to get texts from the girl I took home on Saturday apologising for what transpired that night. Wasn’t that much of a big deal to me but at the same time it was pretty funny so I thought I would share.

It’s the long weekend here in New Zealand and the weather is mint. My flatmates are away and my Hamilton crew are coming over. The first Corona is popped at 2pm and the Mexican beer continues to flow into the late evening. We play the four kings drinking game like usual and I finally get my revenge on my mate who made me knock on his neighbour’s door naked last weekend. I get the dare card, I have already decided what to dare my mate to do which is to shave one of his eyebrows off. He reluctantly agrees, this makes my job that much easier tonight in the clubs as he is usually my biggest competition but with now only one eyebrow his chances to pull have dramatically decreased.

We get to the clubs around 11pm going straight to the Bahama Hut which is sadly the only place that is really any good anymore here in Tauranga, even though 60% of the place is usually packed with spotty teenage boys that have just turned 18. After sifting through all the pus bucket males I find a group of attractive girls dancing in the corner. I tap my one eye browed mate on the shoulder and we walk-dance over to them. Not having to say anything the hotter girl of the group grabs my tattooed arm “oh my god I love your tattoos” she shouts over the music. I undo my collared shirt to show her my art on my chest. She loves it, I ask her for a dance and we continue dancing and drinking till the end of the night.

Against all odds Mr One Eye brow has pulled one of the group as well. They agree to come home with us to continue the party. We jump in the spa when we get home continuing to drink and finally I kiss my one, she loves it. With a few of the other boys in the spa it was a bit crowded so I convinced her we should get out because I was “getting tired”.

As we got into my room she threw me on the bed. Things heated up quickly, she proceeded to go down on me. She was so great at what she was doing down there. I started relaxing every muscle in my body enjoying what was happening which made me fart underneath the covers. I have those heavy winter sheets on my bed and she was trapped! She wriggled and wriggled trying to get out but the stench got to her and she ended up throwing up on my floor, sheets and clothes. She made such a loud noise that it attracted all the attention from my mates whom had gotten out of the spa at this stage. Bursting into my room they immediately asked if everything was ok, before I could say anything she said “he farted, I couldn’t get out and I spewed everywhere, I’m so sorry”. I’m not sure why she was sorry as it was my ass that did the damage. After a quick clean-up we went back to bed to sleep. What a weird way to finish a great night. In the morning we finally had sex which was great.  I took her home, she kept apologizing for spewing everywhere but I told her it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t dropped a bomb in bed.

Well that’s all from my weekend escapades, have a great week and remember – Play hard, shag harder!

P.s Join the following Buy a T-shirt 🙂 http://www.prowrestlingtees.com/related/tatooed-opinion-1/tattooed-for-love.html

Why I hate blow jobs

Blow jobs; what guy doesn’t love a girl creating magic down there with her lips, mouth and if you’re lucky her throat 😉 Well sadly I don’t like them, it’s not really the fact I don’t like them per say, it’s that…well after this next story I share you might have a better understanding as to why. I have just found my old iPhone which has sparked this story from reading through old texts.

It was summer time here in New Zealand, it was January 2009. Girls were looking for summer lovin’ and I was more than happy to be multiple girls’ summertime fling. Single Ladies by Beyoncé was the number one song in the country which was great as when that song came on in the club it was so easy to spot the single girls. They’d be the ones waving their arms about asking for someone to put a ring on it. That’s not me love, but thank you for helping me out by letting me know you’re single.

Each year when I lived in Hamilton I would spend a month of summer in Tauranga at my parents. Hamilton nightlife was dead with university over for the year. At the same stage Tauranga town experiences it’s busiest two months of the year with all the uni kids back an of coarse all the tourists that flock in their masses to be by the beautiful beach.

One night I went out with two of my cousins that had come over from Australia who I hadn’t seen in a few years. We had been going bar to bar and they were really impressed by how I could pull the girls. I had hooked up with a few girls but nothing too great – that was until we entered the Bahama Hut night club. Soon Beyoncé’s single ladies came on, I spotted my pray busting out some ridiculous dance moves. I pounced; coming in with my dice shaker moves. Here’s a quick tip, if you know that they know that you know that your making a dick out of yourself by dancing and you get them to laugh your already at first base! She was a hot looking brunette, she looked around 20 years old and I could tell by her glassy eyes that she was as drunk as I felt. I waited for the song to finish and I quickly whispered in her ear that I thought she was hot.  Touching her arm I pulled away giving a sheepish smile and that’s all it took! After about another half a song we were playing tonsil hockey. I looked over at my two cousins and they gave me the big thumbs up. I took her up to the bar where we sunk a good half dozen shots. At this stage I was completely wasted, somehow we ended up in the girl’s toilet. She started speaking and I noticed she had a British accent, I love accents. She ordered me to take my pants off, I took them off and she started giving me head. It hurt so much she was using her teeth so much every suck it got worse. I was too wasted to tell her to stop but it felt like she was grating my dick in her mouth. All of a sudden she began to slow down the back and forth motion of the blow job. As I looked down I could see she was beginning to coma out, I began to lean back pulling my penis away from her but as I did she was falling back against the wall to coma. She bit down on my dick! Fortunately I had successfully pulled most of it out but I couldn’t get the tip out in time. As her teeth penetrated through the flesh of my cock I let out the biggest scream. I shook her head to wake her and luckily she immediately came to. I looked down at my best friend (not the girl, my penis!) and it had teeth holes in with dark dark blood beginning to ooze out. I snapped out of my drunken state and took off into the boy’s bathroom. My poor penis was so sore; I stuffed some toilet paper down my undies to form a makeshift nappy, grabbed my cousins and taxied home.

It took ages for my penis to heal and it was so painful whilst it tried to form a scab. Since then I have never trusted another girl with my penis in their mouth, if I did they have to be stone cold sober. I just have to look down and see the tooth scars on my mate to support my decision!

Sleeping with My Mums Friend….Almost

As much as I enjoy writing and sharing all about the good times I have had scoring girls and how I have gone about it, I have also had some shameful experiences. This next story happened back before I had tattoos and before I had sneaky ways to pick up girls, like pretending I was a tattooist.

I had just turned eighteen, here in New Zealand when you turn eighteen you can buy alcohol and go clubbing. I was still living with mum and dad in Tauranga so it was extremely hard to bring a girl back to my place and I had never actually tried to at this point.

I was in my final year of college. Half of my friends had already turned eighteen, they were raving how good going to town clubbing was so I was desperate to go. Finally it was my birthday and off to town I went. Back in these days the now closed Grumpy Mole night club used to pump. As I first entered the club it felt like a whole new world. Fake smoke mist had surrounded the dance floor and the loud obnoxious sound of the Black Eyed Peas pounded deep into my ears. I had never seen people dance in the club only in movies, it was so weird. You have all different types of dancer, the boy’s pack which is a bunch of guys dancing in a group searching around with their eyes on the lookout for girls. The next is the girl group, they dance in a group but usually they aren’t on the lookout for guys – they remind me of Zebras oblivious to the male lions stalking them. Then there are the couples, usually dirty dancing and kissing each other. I HATE these ones. Go home and have sex, I don’t wanna see you practically fucking on the dance floor!kissingd

Anyway the dancing freaked me out so I went outside to the smoker’s area. I had already pre-loaded with a box of Double Brown beer before town so I was pretty happy. Suddenly I hear a squeaky voice yell out “Sean!”  It was my mum’s friend Carol. She came staggering over sloshing her glass of wine everywhere. She practically launched at me and gave me the biggest drunken hug ever. I saw my two mates giving me the thumbs up behind her back. “what are you doing here” she said half slurring her words. I explained to her I am eighteen now and this was my first night out. I’m not sure if this turned her on or what but she thought it was awesome that it was my first night in town and proceeded to take me onto the dance floor and dance with me.  A little about Carol – she is my mums friend from tennis. She is this lady in her mid-thirties; she has long luscious black hair and an amazing sporty figure. She is known for loving her wine and being a bit of a party animal.

We continued dancing and she finally bounced on me in this young club, shoving her tongue down my throat. All I could taste was cigarettes and the sourness of the wine she was sculling back. We continued dancing the rest of the night until 3am. I asked her what she wanted to do now. She asked if she could come back to mine, I reminded her mum and dad are home but she insisted she would be quiet so off to get a taxi we went.

We got home and started tip toeing down the hallway to my room. Finally we got into bed and started kissing. I went down on her, she must have completely forgotten about my parents being home because all of a sudden she started moaning so loud. All of a sudden I hear loud footsteps and bang! The door swings open and mum and dad are standing there. Mums eyes go from half asleep to as wide as golf balls. “SEAN!! What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” before I could say anything she recognised who it was there with me. “Carol??!!!!”  Walking over she grabbed Carol by the arm, ripped her out of my bed and began yelling at her. She eventually kicked her out, I quickly texted Carol saying I had ordered her a taxi at the end of the road. “You go to bed now, we will talk in the morning” mum said before shutting my door. In the morning Dad talked to me suggesting it might be a wise idea if I got my own place, mum never brought the Carol situation up again, safe to say they we not friends anymore. I didn’t care about that all I cared about was mum seriously cock blocked me, cheers mum!!!

Tattooed Tips

My Guide to Tattoos

I only thought I was going to get one or two tattoos’ when I was younger. 10 years later I have one on my penis! For a first tattoo you want to start off small for the main reason being that you might not like the pain. For my first I got an Irish clover on my right arm. A tip for getting a tattoo DO NOT DRINK THE NIGHT BEFORE, I bled so much during my first tattoo and nearly passed out, it almost put me off getting another one. . almost.299

Always make sure you defiantly want what you are getting tattooed. I have the PlayStation symbols on my knuckles! Do I regret this? Shit yes! I play Xbox but I got convinced by the tattooist to get the PlayStation symbols. Which brings me to my next tip, don’t let your tattooist squash your idea – they are there to help and offer their opinion, not to completely knock your idea of what you want because at the end of the day it’s your skin not theirs.

223805_279911465451314_717625694_nIf you’re getting a quote or name make sure it is spelt correctly. My mate got a massive one on his chest saying ‘Live Fast Die Hard’, the tattooist for some reason tried to get all fancy with the V in live and it now looks like ‘Libe Fast Die Hard’, totally retarded.

Don’t get a fashion tattoo! Remember those tribal tattoo’s that where barely cool in the 90’s?? Well come 15 years later they are shite! They looked only acceptable on wrestling back then. Lately the new “in” tattoo is the feather with birds exploding out of it or something similar to the same effect, just don’t become a sheep get something that shows your individuality.

Last piece of advice is don’t be a tight arse with your money.tattoo-bad-vs-good A fifty dollar tattoo will get a fifty dollar job. Look around for a tattooist with a style that you like. Stalk their Facebook page if they have one and see if you like their designs. If you come to Tauranga look up Bray Revolver, he is by far the best tattooist I have seen in a long long time. His black and white pieces are amazing. If you’re in Hamilton, hit up Flax Roots tattoos, an artist called Ali Selliman is fantastic with cartoons and animals. He did my grenade on my hand and I love it.

Anyway there are a few tips on getting a tattoo if you are getting one show me on twitter @mullied I would love to see what you get!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fright Night

My mates and I decided to have a long over due catch up one weekend earlier this year. Teeps, Tim, Hanz, Darren and I all got together at my place while my flatmates were away. I lite a bonfire in the backyard in a steel bin I had pinched from work for the weekend. We shared stories and tales of our adventures in the world. Teeps had just gotten back from Scotland; he had shaved all his hair off because he was going bald. I remember thinking shit we are only twenty six and he’s already bald, poor guy. They decided it was time for me to get back on the shaggin’ wagon, so off to town we went. Now if you have been to town in Tauranga you will know how shit house it is. Once upon a time it used to pump. Grumpy Mole, Buddha Lounge, Coyote these bars were part of the foundation that made Tauranga night life special. Sadly all have closed now.

When we arrived Teeps asked where all the clubs are. Well to be honest there’s only a certain one that goes off now and it’s the Bahama Hut. So into the Bahama Hut we went. I ended up pulling a girl which was such an ego booster because this was my first girl since I had been dumped. It made it so much sweeter because none of my mates did. I took her back to my house, my flatmate had a sweet king size bed so we shacked up in there. I completely forgot about my tattoo on my penis. It was still lumpy, it had pretty much healed but the tattoo was still raised and looked yuck. We started kissing passionately, before I knew it she was going down on me. All I remember in my drunken state was the girl asked why the hell does it feel lumpy for. I immediately started to panicked as I had completely forgotten to mention my tattoo on my penis. Before I could explain she whipped the lights on and my penis was exposed in all its tattooed glory. Her eyes went as wide as two bowling balls and she let out a shrill scream. As fast as a ninja her clothes were back on and she was gone before I could even explain it was just a tattoo

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