What You look for in Partner: Boys vs. Girls

For the last week I have been doing a bit of deep thinking as to what I want in the future. This usually always happens around this time, with the weather getting colder I start wanting a girlfriend to cuddle. Luckily I usually snap myself out of this self-loathing shit and remind myself the grass isn’t greener on the relationship side.
But every year on I get a little bit older and my belt gets another hundred or so notches added to it. This year though I got to thinking of what I actually want in a relationship and to be completely honest I have no idea. You would think after enjoying the company of hundreds of girls I would have an idea of what I want but I don’t.

Now let’s delve into what a girl wants in a guy. After sleeping and then asking 100 girls, below is the top 4 things a girl wants in a relationship

1.Trust – usually at the top of the list, nobody likes a cheat!

2.Looks – this is on every girl’s list. Usually it’s secretly on there as when a girl is quizzed by someone they will deny it but I call utter bullshit on that!

3.Sense of humour – or lack of. I have met some girls who hate a sense of humour and want their relationship to be like a fucking business. Fuck those girls.

4.Family – A guy that gets on well with her family is high on a girl’s list as is starting a family with the lad.
Now looking into what I want and chatting to my mates from rugby, what they want in a relationship it kinda differs. It makes us males look like complete fuckers, but hey you have to be happy in your relationship.

1.Looks – Rated number one! Shallow fuckers much, all of us admitted that if a girl ever asked us what we looked for in a relationship we would NEVER admit to this but yes this tops the list sadly. This is probably a good reason as to why a number of relationships don’t work, as we base far too much on looks and end up with a crazy bitch.

2.Good at sex – Number fucking two on my list, does this make me shallow? A horndog? A fuck boy? Probably yes. But if you aren’t having healthy sex in your relationship then that isn’t a bloody relationship I want to be a part of.

3. Not a psycho – Not texting every fucking two minute, letting you go out with mates. I would write a whole blog on how not to be a psycho but you get the point.

4. Sociable – Having friends and going out so us males don’t feel bad if we are on a 3-day bender and ya partner is home the whole time watching 13 fucking reasons why. Basically not being a home body.

Well that’s the lists and almost completely different thinking between females and males, it’s crazy how we co-exist together. If you are getting into a relationship sooner or later just remember this blog and how the other person thinks, it could bloody shock you!

Sean Bigalow Male Gigolo

Being a known lothario in the Tauranga community definitely has its setbacks especially as almost every girl I stumble across has at least half a dozen mutual friends with me. But on the plus side, having everyone know I’m up for a good time does have its benefits especially if someone’s mate needs a good shagging! 
 
This plus side came into effect on Monday night this week, on the eve of Anzac Day (an annual holiday here in New Zealand, look it up if you wanna know more, this isn’t a fucking history lesson), one of my mates flicked me an interesting message saying “Mully! Call me, my mate urgently needs a date, she will pay you!” Being a clueless twat I message back “hey… uh wtf?” She went on to explain her friend was having a school reunion party and she wanted to bring a trophy boy/ toy boy with her to show off to all her old classmates. “How much?” was my next question, “unlimited drinks, dinner and $200”. Well fuck, she had me at the unlimited drinks! 
 
She also requested that I wear something formal… ‘fucking formal’ I thought. Well I end up decking myself out in my outfit I wore for my best mate’s wedding.
 
I go to met this chick – and my mate who had arranged this all hadn’t even let me stalk the lass’s Facebook – all I managed to get out of her was “she won’t be your type”. Well fuck me she wasn’t wrong. I knock on her door and I thought Tauranga had been hit by a fucking earthquake. The ground was shaking more and more until she opened the door. “Hi I’m Trish” she bellowed, now fuck me if it weren’t for her feet and arms she would be perfectly fucking round, fuck’s sakes my mate set me up.
 
Ok yes I know I’m a shallow prick rah de rah, but hey if you have every used Tinder YOU YOURSELF are a shallow motherfucker too! You solely judge by swiping right if you like the way someone looks so take ya fucking judgemental hat off and continue reading this blog :p 
 
We head out to the event in my poor car and its suspension got the workout of its bloody life. We arrived at the event with all her old classmates looking at us with ‘wtf, how does that work?’ expressions plastered all over their middle-aged faces. After standing for about an hour or so with her making her way around everyone with me by her side, we finally got a seat and I started knocking the drinks back! 
 
Everything from here on in was a bloody blur, but I do remember getting questioned by a dude in the bathroom. He asked me “Bro what’s with you and Trish? You can’t be serious” now ok Trish is large, like really really fucking large but she seems really nice too so fuck that guy. I replied “I have a thing for large women with awesome personalities, sick of stick-figured airhead bitches” – knowing full well that’s exactly what his partner looked and sounded like. I relayed this to Trish who burst out laughing and claimed that prick was in his 3rd marriage to a Barbie doll, good luck to him haha. 
 
Me and Trish started getting on really well, laughing at all her old classmates with her dishing dirt on the majority of them. We left the do just after midnight leaving my car there and getting a taxi. She invited me back to her place which ended up being a bad idea as we shagged. But holy guacamole NOTHING and I mean fucking nothing was out of bounds for her… I will let your mind do the wondering :p 
 
I woke up early, she gave me the $200 cash, thanked me for my services and boom! I was on my way. Sean Bigalow Male Fucking Gigolo is born 😎😎😎😮😮😮🙈🙈🙈
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Mully Dates International Ed – Sydney Pt.2

The next day was just a day out with my flatmate whom I had promised I would spend a day with to do all the touristy bullshit. To say this day didn’t drag would be a fucking understatement, it started off fun with Madame Tausauds wax museum, but then went to some bloody lizard wildlife crap. As we began queuing to get in about half a fucking school of little 9-10 year old Australian kids did too. Now picture the most annoying fucking accent and add pre puberty squeakiness to that then add fucking volume, you get the worst thing on fucking earth. As we walked around looking at these stupid fucking lizards that just lay there doing sweet fuck all, these kids were going nuts. Running into everyone and screaming like fuck. I almost chucked a couple of them into the snake enclosure, might’ve been the most excitement those poor snakes have had all year.   
After the day of doom it was time to get ready to go the the Golden Mile – Kings Cross! Now if you haven’t heard about Kings Cross, its like the red light district of Sydney. Bars, brothels, night clubs and my personal favourite strip clubs are all on offer in this delightful place, its like Disneyland for me. I started bar crawling jumping from bar to bar to find a cool atmosphere and cheapish drinks. I finally settled on one called Kings Cross Motel, the staff were so nice and the place was pumping with hot chicks. I started chatting to a group of girls by buying them a round of drinks which worked a treat and thats all it took. The next thing I know I’m on the dance floor kissing the face off this pretty ok looking ozzy. Things go down hill pretty fast though as the larger friend of her group decides to pull her away from me and tells her its time to call it a night. Everyone else in the group seemed to be having a great time but fucking chunkimus prime decided to shut the fucking fun down and go home. So I was all on my lonesome again, should I call it a night too I thought? Fuck no!!  

It was time to head to the strippers so I stroll down the street browsing which one I should go into and settle on Bada Bing nightspot. The girls are stunning and very welcoming. I immediately get given a free wee lap dance by probably the ugliest one there, to be honest I couldn’t wait for her to finish; she obviously was on the hustle as she must have seen me get one hundred dollars worth of stripper bucks out. She did a handstand putting her vagina right in my face, now usually this would be a guys dream mine but this fucking chick stunk like smoked bloody fish. I could smell it before she did the handstand move but when she did the handstand I almost threw up into her fucking vag. Luckily she couldn’t hold that position for long as I was trying so hard not to gag. Apart from that the rest of the night spent at the strip club was great! One of the dancers was a kiwi and gave me a sweet discount on a private dildo show and even let me stick the big black one in, wahoo! I ended up ubering it back to the motel at around 2am, luckily the nice manager at the strip club charged my phone for me as it was dead. 

Well that was it from my Sydney adventure, onwards to Perth. Lets see what the dating scene is like there!

My Gypsy Valentines Date Recap

If someone had told me before I started live tweeting my dates that I would end up going on a date with a gypsy, I would have shook my head and said bullshit. Now before you go shaking your fists at me and saying “there is nothing wrong with gypsies” I had a preconceived idea what a gypsy was from watching reality tv and films. But these New Zealand gypsies are cool fun loving people. We have the annual gypsy fair roll into town once every year, I hadn’t been since I was young so I decided to go. I went with my mates on Saturday as I wanted a new necklace. After browsing a few stands I spotted a fairly attractive women doing face painting outside of one of the wagons. After surveilling where she was working for 5 or so minutes I noticed she had no wedding ring and only two older people in the wagon which I presumed were her parents. After working up enough courage I approached her and asked if I could get my face painted, she looked up at me with a really welcoming smile on her face “what did you want me to paint” she said laughing. “How about your cell phone number” I said laughing, hoping that if she had a boyfriend or wasn’t keen I could point at my mates and say they dared me too. “Oh you are so sweet, how about I just give to to you” she said. Boom! That’s how you do it and now that I had her number it was time to set up a date.

We texted each other for the rest of Saturday, and before long I asked her if she would like to go out for a bite to eat on Valentines. She said she will asked her parents as when it’s the weekend she needs to make as much money as possible to sustain them for the next week. Fast forward to lunch time Sunday and I got the confirmation that she will be able to come for dinner, yay now let’s begin the #ValentinesDayDate recap.

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After a few drinks at my flat I got my flatmate to drop me off at a bar in Tauranga, not wanting to get out I waited in the car until she texted and said she was there. The first thing I noticed when I greeted her with a hug was holy shit she has just taken a fucking bath in incense sticks Jesus Christ it was some strong smelling shit.

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She seemed like a really down to earth out going girl to begin with and then this happened.

 

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As I was rambling on about my tattoo’s she holds my arm looking at them and then sees something she doesn’t like (the scab) and just picks the fucking thing off. “Ewww yuck” I say laughing in shock, “yeah it was bugging me” she says smiling thinking sweet fuck all about it. Bugging her?! Who the fuck picks someone else’s scab off them on their first bloody date. Just as my scab started weeping dinner arrived and made me forget about the whole thing, I later found out she loved picking scabs. Weird. Dinner was nice we enjoyed a few more drinks until I decided to see if she wanted desert – and that’s when she said this that made me go as hard as a fucking rock…..

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My dick began to grow and grow, “Oh I will call a taxi then” I said trying to play it off as casual as possible. “Hurry up” she whispered “I wanna fuck your brains out”. I have never wanted a fucking taxi to pick me up as fast as I did right then!

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When we got to my house I went for a pee, I thought that I would have to put a movie on before we would get into playing hide the sausage but oh how wrong I was. As I approached the bed she undid my jeans and proceeded to give me the most amazing blow job, so good in fact I had to stop her at one point as I thought I was going to explode. She then told me to get naked and lay on my back and for the next half an hour she rode me like a fucking horse, it was amazing. She was amazing.

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Afterwards she broke the news to me that she would be leaving tomorrow so she wouldn’t be in Tauranga for at least 8 months to a year. That made me sad, this chick was awesome and she knew what she liked and she gave one helluva blowjob! And I’m not even much of a blow job fan (see this blog and it explains why https://tattooedmulligan.com/2014/10/01/why-i-hate-bow-jobs/). In the morning we had one last shag and I bid her farewell….or so I thought.

Later on Monday she texted me and said she had some good news; the gypsy congregation weren’t leaving until Tuesday now!! She told me to clear my schedule because she was going to cum, I bloody hope so! She brought a candle over and poured the hot wax on me, which kinda fucking hurt but at the same time turned me on so much. She then made me pour it on her…bad idea. She had a wee bit of fluff down there and instead of pouring it on her stomach I accidently poured it on the top of her vagina “ahhhhhhhhhhh” she screamed, that was the end of the candle foreplay. Apart from that the sex again was amazing, she really knew what she was doing on top. So that sums up my Gyspy Valentines Date, its safe to say I had a bloody great Valentines.