Sleeping With A Celebrity

Before I start this story, I used to think that this was such an achievement and I would constantly brag about it to my mates. But looking back celebrities are just like us just with a lot more money and ego!

My friend Luke is a doctor in Auckland and he always bugs me to go up there and drink with him, I always made excuses when he asked me as he goes to all the swanky night spots on the Viaduct. The Viaduct has all the fancy clubs and bars where all of the ‘in’ people fester. I prefer the tourist clubs that have $2 shots and $4 beers.  I finally caved in and headed up from Hamilton to his place. He had a pretty cool apartment one street off Queen Street. We started drinking at his, preloading before we got into town.  Luke was drinking top shelf whiskey mixing it himself with coke showing off how well off he is. I could care less cracking into my double brown beer cans, nothing tastes better!

He asked what I was wearing to town with half a smirk on his face. I pointed to what I was wearing a pretty nice t-shirt with jeans and white shoes.  “You can’t wear that” he chuckled. He ended up giving me one of his dress shirts, dress pants and black shoes and away we went.

We met up with a few of his doctor mates at a bar called Bubble Champagne Loungebubble. The beers were $9.50 each, luckily my mate was shouting – I defiantly wasn’t going to complain. Suddenly this chick walked in with a couple a friends, I instantly knew who she was. She was off a show here in New Zealand called Shortland Street. Now, if you’re not familiar with Shortland Street I envy you!! It’s a New Zealand prime-time soap opera centering around the “real” Shortland Street Hospital. I quickly googled her to see if she had been in any independent films that the average Shortland Street fan wouldn’t really know about.  I had already got my drunken swagger on so I decided to go say hi. “Hi!” I yelled at her “I think your pretty awesome” she was pretty drunk or wasted herself she hugged me and said “thanks so much”  I continued and said ” I thought you portrayed your character in that film you were recently in really well” . She was surprised that I had seen it as it hadn’t got a theatrical release in cinemas as was one of those independant films. I continued to stroke her ego like this for the next half hour.

Finally my mate Luke came over and asked if we were going to our next bar, I asked her if she would like to come and she said yes. I was nervous with excitement. I quickly transferred $200 from my savings hoping that this could buy at least two bloody beers at the next place. It was going off at the next club; I think it was called Kermadec, or something like. I quickly got us shots and we continued talking. She suddenly asked what I did for work with no hesitation I blurted out tattoo artist. She totally dug that thank god. We started dancing and soon we began kissing. She asked where I was staying and I said just around the corner. I asked if she wanted to come back she nodded and gave a cheeky smile. I grabbed the keys of Luke and off we staggered.

We got to Luke’s and started kissing, she was so self-conscious though about taking her top off, I began to stroke her ego like I had done earlier. She loosened up and away we went. She asked if I could call her by her character’s name on off the movie she was in, fuck! I couldn’t remember it so I said ‘no no I wanna calll you by your Shortland Street chacter” she nodded. The sex was great apart from her calling me daddy which I found kinda creepy. Afterwards she needed to catch up with her friends by this stage it was about 1am so she left leaving me with her number. On her way out I said to her -“you know that Shortland Street you’re on?”  “Yeah?” she said “It’s a load of crap aye” I said laughing. I could see the anger in her face “um no its not!” she said and she slammed the door and that was that. So that was my experience sleeping with a famous person, nothing overly exciting but something funny to tell the mates about.

Ways to talk to girls

Well its Friday evening here in New Zealand and before I pick up a beer and pretend to care what my mates are talking about,  I thought I would share a few techniques on how I have gone about picking up a girl. I have compiled a list of some ideas that I have put into play that have actually worked for me and hey, if they work for you guys great! I guess if any girls are reading this, this could be a list of what to look out for when a seedy guy with tattoo’s approaches you ;P

  • If the clubs really loud and you’re only looking for a hook up try a fake accent.

Wear something from the country whose accent you’re trying to pull off or if you’re lucky like me point to a tattoo of an Irish shamrock, and say you’re from Ireland!                                                   

  • Pretend you’re a fireman.

Going out in a volunteer fireman’s shirt helps. Girls LOVE a guy in uniform.

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  • Make Tattoo Business cards.                                                                                                                                      

Make sure it’s in another region of New Zealand or where ever you are from. Hand them out to girls in the club; make sure it has your number on it. This is probably one of the best ways to get talking to a girl in a bar or a club – as long as you can spin a good story.

  • Shout a group of girls drinks all night.

I really don’t recommend this at all unless its $2 shots night then and only then splash out.59295_4701364103950_398422477_n

  • Go on a club tour in the city you are in.

Auckland has a fantastic one called ‘The Big Night Out’.  It’s targeted at tourists but anyone can go. For $25 they take you to all the best clubs as a group stopping at each one for a shot or a drink.

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So there are a few things I have done or gone too that helped me mingle with girls. Truthfully just being confident and honest is the best bet for anyone. Unless you want to get a credit card and just buy them shit because we all know a way to a girls heart is a long road filled with jewellery!