Sex Toys

Ever felt like purchasing a sex toy? Maybe as a gift to the girlfriend, or maybe just for yourself. I hate going into the seedy adult stores here in New Zealand, having to awkwardly look around while getting stared at by in most cases, a creepy old man behind the counter.

I remember the first time using a dildo on a girl, I had just picked her up from town I would have been about 18. We both basically stumbled onto each other outside The Grumpy Mole night club in Tauranga. After a few pleasantries followed by a couple of dances, then topped off by a back draft shot we jumped in a taxi and headed for hers, standard type of night for Mr Mulligan! We got back to her place and proceeded to do the drunken bump n’ grind, I noticed she wasn’t that into it for some reason. I asked her what was wrong; she insisted nothing but asked if her friend could join us. “Yeah of course” I replied. I jumped off her beaming with excitement thinking she was going to yell out to her girl flatmate to come join us but that wasn’t the case. She rummaged through her drawers and came back to the bed with what looked like a massive wobbly looking arm, at second glance I realised it was a big black dildo! She put it in my hand and told me to use it on her, my porn knowledge came into effect here and I went for it. The bloody thing was at least three times bigger than my penis, I felt embarrassed but at the same time she loved the big black dildo. After she climaxed she told me to hop back on and cum but I declined as I didn’t feel like throwing my penis down a hall way that the big dildo had made, plus I felt pretty inadequate.

That was my first experience, my next came when I got given a blow up sheep as a present for my 21st. It was a joke present but I thought I would give it a go. So once my flat mates had gone to the gym I blew that sheep up, lubed it, got on all fours and started rooting that plastic sheep! I guess it’s true what Australians say – we kiwis are sheep lovers deep down. That was probably my lowest point of my life, try to picture my mate’s faces if they had come in and seen me with my pants down, fucking a plastic sheep. That would have been a pretty horrific scene to walk in on, and hard to explain.

From then up until now I’ve played with all different types of sex toys on girls. Dildos, vibrators, butt plugs and on one occasion anal beads .Although all of this was great I wanted something for myself. How come girls get all the fun and I only get my dumb hand? I started googling and came onto these things called Fleshlight’s. Picture a big looking flashlight casing; unscrew the top to find a flesh-like vagina, anus or mouth. I ended up getting one sent to me, when it arrived it was like Christmas! I couldn’t wait to try it. I got the Kayden Kross one which had been specially shaped like her actual vagina. I lube it up and begin using it. It legit feels like the really thing, 30 seconds go by and I’m all done. I have finally found something better than my trusty hand. Way better! Here is a tip though, remember to clean them out, nothing worse than two day old cum smell!

Well that’s all from me on sex toys. Make sure to check out: for a range of awesome toys, and if you like my blog buy a Tattooed Mulligan T shirt from: all profits going to the New Zealand Cancer Society. Thanks everyone, see you next Monday. #PlayHardShagHarder.