I’m in love with a Stripper

After another failed attempt at getting into  relationship, I’m here to tell the tale and warn other dudes not to get too infatuated with a girl. There is a saying “never meet your hero” well mine now is “never try getting in a relationship with your favourite stripper” because that’s exactly what I did.

I meet Raven (her stage name) at the local strippers a month back, she was smoking hot, a little blonde bombshell. I immediately ordered a private dance off her. She seemed really down to earth and extremely flirtatious. I had the hots for her BADLY, coming back on the Friday and Saturday to the strippers, spending at least $800 on tips and dances off her; what a fucking idiot.

The following Thursday couldn’t come around fast enough, the strip club opened at 8 and I was first at the door eagerly awaiting to see my Raven. There was also two old farts in their mid 60’s waiting to get in. I asked who they were here to see, they both said almost simultaneously “Raven”. I felt so fucking jealous, “she’s minnnneeeee” I thought. All us three got let in at once, we must’ve looked like punters waiting to be let in to a store for a huge sale, all of us power walking/ jogging in to get the best deal. We all spotted Raven at the bar and made our way over to her. She hugged me then she hugged them, I was so oozing with jealously, “Can I buy you a drink?” I asked her.

One of the old guys said “Can I have a private lap dance, a 1 hour one?” he waved his rolled up 100 dollar bills at her just like in the movies. She grabbed him and away they went. He looked back at me and winked “MOTHER FUCKER!” I thought.

I waited and waited for her to come out, spending the bare minimum on the other strippers during their dances. She finally came out, I brought her a drink and we began to talk. I was trying to get it out of her if she was single or what but she kept going around in circles saying “Oh you should buy a private dance off me and maybe I will tell you” just trying to hustle me for money. I caved, buying a $350 six-song private dance off her, trying to talk to her the whole time. All she told me was that she was seeing someone but it wasn’t anything serious. “Wahoo! I thought there is a God!” I spent a grand that night, what a bloody mug.

The next couple of weeks I kept visiting the strippers, wasting hundred after a hundred on her. I caught up with my mate (whom I went to those swingers parties with last year) who told me Raven was engaged and was using the money she was making to help pay for her wedding. Well fuck me, I had just paid for pretty much the entire reception, I felt like a complete fool. I couldn’t even blame Raven, she was doing what she had to to make some coin.

I decided to stop going to the strippers and have resorted back to my old faithful Tinder. I would like to make a toast to new girls and new blogs, cheers!

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