Reverse Kanga Have you ever met someone that thinks they are better than you? I fucking hate these type of people; some don’t make it too obvious but the ones that do grate on my nerves so much. This past weekend I met one of these type of creatures in Taupo.
I don’t think I have ever felt so cold that my penis decides to retreat into my body than I did as I began to walk to the pubs and clubs in Taupo. My usual back packers above one of the bars was booked out so me and the bros had to book into this crusty shit hole some 2kms away. Fuck me that walk to the clubs not only sobered us up extremely fast but it felt like we were on an expedition to the fucking north pole. It was so cold that even my bloody balls were trying to push past my doodle to get warm. We arrived at the Taupo night spot and immediately placed ourselves near a heater in one of the pubs to defrost our limbs. After bringing my willy back from near hypothermia we got drinks and began to assess the talent, I noticed two babes in their early thirties on the far side of the club. I decide to go say hi so after a couple of shots of courage in the form of jäger I approached them.
“Hey how’s your night going” I ask placing my drink on the bar table they were drinking on. “Good” one of them muttered, another think I hate is one word answers, fuckers. Not getting the uninterested tone and posture they were expressing, I ask if they want a shot. Their eyes light up like a pig in shit “oh yes please that would be nice” they chirp. I bring one of my mates over knowing that I was only getting used to buy them drinks, but I thought bugger it there isn’t really any other talent around. After an hour or so they had to leave to go to a 30th party, the blonde one said “If I don’t find anyone else by the end of the night I’ll come home with you.” I wasn’t sure how to take this, but on later reflection I took it as her pretty much saying “I can do better than you because I am better then you, but I’ll settle if I have to” this really fucked me off but revenge is sweet if you can plan for it. Long story short she ended up texting me saying “Hey you, found nothing better – meet me outside Finns Pub and we can catch a taxi to mine”. Thinking with my dick I jump at the chance. On the taxi ride home she gives me the 411 on how to sneak in as she didn’t want her flatmates to see me, it was as if she would be too embarrassed to be seen with me.
We sneak in and start kissing on her bed and eventually start having sex. Now the sex was fucking terrible she lies there like a complete starfish; hardly even spreading her legs properly. Whoever she had done it with before I feel sorry for. When we finished she began critiquing my sex moves, well fuck me right?! I told her I needed to go catch up with my mates but I had to use the toilet first “ok if you really have to but please be quiet going to the toilet, I don’t want my flatmates to wake up and see you”. Such a bitch, ok I get it you’re ashamed of me – well it was time for some sweet revenge. I had a poo brewing all night so instead of sitting on the toilet normally, I sit on it in reverse straddling the back and preform a reverse kanga shitting all down the inner front, not flushing of course. Reflecting on how nasty this girl was to me I grab some lip stick I found and write “Thanks for the fuck Kate” on the mirror then go on my merry way. Revenge can come in many ways but a reverse kanga is one of the bloody best!