As I started to get ready for a night alone, gearing up to watch the latest wrestling DVD that came in the mail a text came through from a lady I have been messaging for over a month off of Tinder. She was asking if I wanted to go out to get a bite. Feeling slightly lonely after a previous full on weekend with 3 dates I replied with a “sure”. So with that it was time to get out of my footy shorts, jump in the shower and meet this lady at a place she wanted to go to called the Citz Club which I had never heard of.
When I got to the place there was an ambulance outside which was just leaving with its lights on, not thinking anything of it I got out of the car and text Chrissy I was here, she explained she was upstairs so I went on in. When I got to the top and peered in I found out exactly what the Citz club was, it was short for Citizens club i.e RSA, bingo club, where old people dine out.
It wasn’t hard finding which one my date was as she was the only one without fucking grey hair. I went right over to her, she was talking to some old lady whom I found out later was her aunty. With a forced smile I said hello to them both. Once I got Chrissy alone I asked her why the hell did she want to come here for to which she explained its cheap and she used to work here; which are all of the reasons why I wouldn’t go somewhere.
She was right about the drinks being super cheap and the meals were too, except they looked and tasted like fucking slop.
The longer we spent here the busier it got with zimmer frame after walking stick filling the bloody room. As for this lady, she was very forth coming asking me a lot of shite. I thought I was getting interrogated at one stage. It was question after question like:
- How long have you been on tinder?
- How many people have you met up with off tinder?
- What made you want to meet up with me?
- Are you a whore?
Suddenly a voice came over the loud speaker announcing that it was time for the Wednesday waltz. Fuck sake; although it did stop all the questions.
Now at this stage my phone went flat, I wasn’t prepared for this date so it wasn’t fully charged to begin with. She asked if I wanted to waltz – like fuck. Wanting to make the most of the cheap beers I suggested we go talk to her aunty who worked at the bar. Bad fucking move as I got another round of bloody questions from her aunty, more subtle ones but still. After Chrissy started talking to a couple of the regulars and ended up leaving me with her aunty while she did the waltz, I decided it was time to go. Another couple of lessons learnt for Mr Mulligan. Find out exactly where it is you are dining and sometimes alcohol just can’t save a terrible night.