Hey guys I’m doing something a wee bit different on this weeks blog, for the first time ever I have recruited a guest to write this blog with me and what a bloody great guest it is! 2014 Big Brother UK winner, Daily Star Columnist, Salon Owner and probably the most straight up person to ever be on reality telly . . . Helen Wood!!!
Firstly here is my story of probably the weirdest night out in Hamilton New Zealand I have ever had, Enjoy!
Ever staggered into a food outlet in the wee hours of the morning on the way home from a night out on the booze? I think we all have, in fact for a lot of us its a drunken tradition. Whether it be a kebab, big mac, pizza or even a sausage roll nothing beats a bit of greasy food to line the stomach with before the forth coming hangover hits.
For me and the lads here in Hamilton New Zealand we go to a place called the Bake Shack. Now this place has everything you could ever want; Kebabs, burgers, pies, cheesecakes, sushi, chips, fucking yogurts and even a gluten free section for the fussy tossers amongst us. Now to be brutally honest I only go to the Bake Shack if I can’t find a shag in town, which is not very often (not being smug but if you have partied in Hamilton before you will know that its pretty easy to get laid). This one time after drinking far to many two for $5 vodka pre mixers I was in no state to try and attract a women in the club, so cutting the night short I ditched my mates and headed to the Bake Shack. Looking at all the wonderful possibilities I settled on a sausage roll with lashings of tomato sauce. Now usually sober me would be too embarrassed to sit by myself but intoxicated me couldn’t care less. So there I was happily eating my sausage roll when I hear a voice on the left of me “awwww whats a hottie like you doing sitting by yourself? Do you mind if I join you?”. It was a reasonably attractive drunk girl! I smiled and insisted she sit down with her pie and coke. She started telling me her whole life story leading up to how her boyfriend ditched her in town blah blah blah. Getting bored with her drunken rambles I started playing footies with her. Upon feeling my foot sliding up and down hers she smiled, stopped talking, grabbed my foot, took my shoe off and shoved it between her legs! So here I was toe blasting this chick and she’s poker faced the whole thing, continuing to eat her fucking pie. At one point she lifted her arse off the seat thrusting my big toe in even deeper, this was some fucked up shit. As she finished up her pie she got up and said “that was nice” smiled and walked out, leaving me with a soaked foot. Not knowing or really caring if anyone had seen what had happened I put my shoe back on and stumbled home. Just another weird night in Hamilton, New Zealand.
Last but not least is Helen’s story on something really seedy that happens in the UK that I knew nothing about but now I wanna know more!
Here in glorious England, where we all apparently sit around & drink tea, eat biscuits & moan about the pissin down rain, we have a certain erm, how do I put this? Activity, that various types of people take part in, called ‘Dogging’
Hels Bels xxx
Well that’s it from us, a big thank you to Helen for her story, if I ever come to the UK I hope she takes me out for a bit of a dogging to watch. For more great reads by Helen check her column out at http://www.dailystar.co.uk/ she posts a new one every Monday and they are bloody on point!
Thanks for reading!
– Tattooed Mulligan