A tinder meet up

To say I am still a little shaken up from what happened on Tuesday night is an absolute bloody understatement, and sometimes saying “fuck it, just go with it” is not a great moto to live by. After getting back from a big weekend with the boys in Hamilton I did what any single, warm blooded, horny, self-obsessed male would do had a crank and then I jumped on tinder for some fun. Now, I must confess I am no Tinder virgin; I have had my fair share of girls off there so in that respect I usually have a fair idea of what I am getting myself in for. I started swiping away and I suddenly turned into this fussy prick and was swiping everything to the left, that was until I found a really hot brunette chick that was only 1km away – walking distance! I swiped right and boom I had a match. We started chatting about the usual bullshit, she seemed really natural with all the flirting and was telling me everything I wanted to hear. The only weird thing was that she admitted to having a foot fetish and asked me for a picture. So I took a photo of my hairy arse foot and she fucking loved it! I eagerly wanted to meet up but she wasn’t to sure, but after a bit of subtle convincing she agreed to meet up, but told me to keep an open mind, hmmm weird but I thought she probably just has a insecurity about something.
I grabbed her number and texted her straight away, she gave me her address where she was staying which was just down the road at the local motel. I jumped in the shower had a wash, necked back 3 beers and 4 shots and I was out the door. I was in a great cheerful mood as I made my way to the motel. I texted her when I got there and waited. After 5 minutes she replied “I’m coming out but please keep an open mind”. I waited another couple of minutes and noticed a guy had come out of one of the units. “Are you Sean” he nervously asked. Oh fuck! Its her boyfriend I thought time to fucking run, “Yeah man that’s me, are you with Candice?” I asked. “Um ok don’t be mad but um well, I am Candice” he blurted out. FUCK SAKES! What the Fucking fuck, I had just been Catfished I thought. Now if you aren’t familiar with the term catfish its when someone pretends to be someone they’re not usually using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.
“What the fuck!” I said glaring at this middle aged guy clenching my fists ready to lay the smackdown on him. “Sorry, please please hear me out, I have an offer for you, please just hear me out” he pleaded “What is it!” I demanded. “Ok sorry I know I am not Candice, and I normally wouldn’t meet up with anyone I would just string them along on tinder, but your feet are just amazing I have a offer for you” he said looking at me, “Oh great your a guy with a foot fetish” I said shaking my head. “Yes yes i am, now if you let me take a few photos of your feet I will give you five hundred dollars cash” he said pulling out five one hundred dollars notes. I stood there for a moment puzzled, what the hell do I do? I wasn’t sure what to say, “um I’m not sure mate, this is messed up” I managed say. He looked at me while his hand was busy in his pocket. “Ok I have 6 hundred dollars, that’s my last offer” he said. What the hell should i do? I stood there a moment thinking and thinking then said “Let me have the money first and you have a deal” with caution in my voice. “No problem” he said handing over the cash. With that he invited me in. The first thing I noticed was a very expensive camera set up on a tripod, the second thing that caught my eye was what looked like a dog bed which in actual fact it probably bloody was. “Ohh k so how should we do this?” I nervously asked. He smiled and replied “If you could take your shoes off and give them a rinse in the shower while I will set up the camera. As I cleaned my feet I felt as if I was an innocent Anastasia Steele about to get shown the red room of pain by Christian Grey, what the fuck am I doing.
As I walked out of the bathroom he gasped “oh my god! those are lovely feet!” I looked down at my feet and back up at him, this guy is odd. He told me he would like me to sit on the bed and to put my feet into the dog bed which had been customised with a pink silky cloth sewn into it. He offered me a beer which I gladly accepted. “Let us begin” he smiled. He made me do all these weird poses with my feet, putting one on top of the other, scrunching them up and putting these creepy rings on them. With every photo taken he seemed to get more excited. I noticed he was kind of sweating, this guy is fucking loving this. He then made me put my hands on my feet as if I was stroking them “oh yeah just like that” he said wiping the sweat from his forehead as he snapped away. While all of this was happening I was chugging down the beers and in my drunken state of mind I had what I thought was a good idea. Thinking to myself wondered how much more cash he would give me if I let this prick lick my feet, fuck it i’ll ask him”. “How much would you consider paying if I let you lick these bad boys?” I questioned. “Oh my, would you let me do that, ok ok ok I will check my account. After a few moments of checking his bank he replied; “I could give you five more hundred”. Not to sell my feet short I paused and pretended I wasn’t sure if I was guna take it, then I said “deal”.
I finished all the beers in his mini bar fridge while he went and got the money out, what the fuck am I doing I thought yet again. He came back with the cash and gladly handed it over. “Ok you have five minutes, enjoy”. Now this next five minutes were the fucking worst five minutes I have EVER experienced, getting that tattoo on my penis wasn’t as bad as this. It was as if he was giving each one of my toes a fucking blow job, he must have really liked my big toes because he was sucking the shit out of them. “This is so good” he muffled with a mouthful of toes. “Ok your five minutes are up” I said with the sound of relief in my voice. “Thank you so much, this has been an amazing night” he said smiling. “Sweet as, goodnight” and with that I got the fuck out of there, this by far was the weirdest thing I have ever done!
I don’t know what the moral is to this story as I felt so weird the next morning even though I had a pocket full of cash. I guess you could say every bad situation can turn into a good situation if you have good looking toes.




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