Mulligan in the Middle

When you think of the Irish you think of three things; awesome accent, leprechauns and one hell of a great drinking ability. After this St Paddys day all that comes to mind when I think of the Irish is angry red headed crazy women.

Anyway lets start from the beginning. After a pretty hard day at work I looked on my Facebook and realised it was St Paddys day. It had totally slipped my mind, even though it was a Tuesday and I was still recovering from a huge hangover from The Eagles concert, I had to go out! I convinced my flatmate Tony to come out with me, I asked him if his friend could drop us in because drinking and driving is a big no no guys.

We got dropped to town at about half nine, as we exited the car the sound of Irish folk music could be heard bellowing out of the Irish pub called the Mount Melic. We walk in and were greeted warmly by the bar staff who where in the Saint Paddies spirit. I brought a Guinness beer which is an authentic Irish beer, you either love it or hate it and I freaking love it. Being as it was Saint Paddies day they were on special so I threw a good 5 of them down my throat. The place was so busy with the dance floor pumping. I started dancing doing the Mulligan Shuffle which is basically a drunk version of a bobble head toy, add a couple of arms swinging about and hey presto – you have the Mulligan Shuffle! I started throwing it down on the d floor and got the attention of two pretty attractive girls. We started dancing together, one was blonde and the other had ginger hair. We were having such a great time, my mate tapped me on the shoulder and said he was off home, buggar that I thought i’m staying!

I continued dancing, the ginger chick went out for a smoke and me and the blondie continued dancing and began hooking up. When ginger spice came back blondie had shot off to the toilet, so I started dancing with her and then we started to hook up. “This is fucking brilliant!!” I thought to myself. Blondie came back and we continued all dancing together, both chicks grinding on me. “Do you want come back to our hostel?” Ginger spice asked over the music in a very thick Irish accent. “yea for sure” I said with a smirk. Then suddenly the blonde girl asked the same question in her thick accent, I gave her the same answer. So off the three of us went back to the backpackers. When we got there they had two separate beds. The blondie grabbed my hand and started to guide me to her bed “Morgan?! what the fuck are you doing, he is fucking mine!!” Ginger spice said grabbing my other arm. “fuck of bitch you always do this! I invited him back” replied Blondie” No you fucking didn’t I did!” Ginger snapped back. Suddenly it was all on! A angry ginger spice pulled blondies hair. Whack!! Blondie retaliated with a huge slap, they tackled each other to the floor. I wasn’t sure if I should be turned on or shocked but either way I was loving it. “Ok ok ok thats enough” I said attempting to break them up which was harder than I thought. I explained what had happened at the club, playing the innocent guy in the middle. “There is plenty of me to go around, why don’t you two make up and lets turn the lights off and see what happens” I said. They both looked at me probably thinking “oh this poor guy” and then looked at each other and apologised, “thank fuck for that!” I thought. I turned off the lights and it was all on! Luckily I popped a viagra earlier because these two chicks were two goers and wanted to use me as much as they could. I felt like my penis was a fucking gear stick with two drivers taking turns with it. It went from being in neutral, to reverse then top gear for a couple of hours. They went to sleep at about 6 so I grabbed my clothes and tip toed out of there with my gear stick still rock hard. What a crazy bloody night!

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