Jelly Wrestling Jail Time

As I stared blankly at this poorly painted wall I looked down at my skinned knuckles wishing I had my phone on me. “I need to remember what happened tonight” I thought. I hadn’t lost my phone or anything; in fact it was in arguably very safe hands, I just couldn’t get to it. I started to look around at my surroundings. One ginger haired guy was asleep next to me and about two metres away another guy was pacing back and fourth like an idiot. Talking to himself emphasising the F words to sound real bad ass. No, I wasn’t at some dodgy Hamilton night spot I was in the Wellington Cells/Jail.

I flew down to Wellington last week for a work conference thing and liking it down there so much I decided to stay another night at the motel. It was O week last week which is a week-long celebration and orientation to welcome university students and help to familiarise themselves with the local surroundings, which has evolved into the night clubs being open every night of the week with different themes each night. After pre loading on drinks at my motel I stumbled into town. I met one of my friends who works in Wellington at Courtenay Place, where the majority of the clubs were going off. Every place was packed with university students and everyone was having a great time. Shots of blue looking liqueur were only $2 at one of the clubs, so I happily exchanged my crisp $20 note for 10 and downed every one of them. By this time my drunken confidence was at an all time high and saw that the club I was in was having a jelly wrestling tournament. I chucked my name down and waited for my turn. The event was in the middle of the club which consisted of an oversized kids paddling pool filled with lubrication gel. The rules were simple; two people got into the paddling pool and the winner is either the one left standing or the one that lands on top of the opponent. “Heat 8 Sean and Connor come on down” the dj called out. I was pitted against this person that looked liked a fucking carrot. He had the brightest, most ginger hair I had ever seen and he was muscly as! “Fuck i’m going to lose” I thought to myself. As we squared off he began hurling some verbal abuse at me, looking around I saw all of his gym boyfriends egging him on. Suddenly he slapped me really hard in the face. The ref was some hot girl who was pretty much there for decoration, she told him no slapping. Not one to be out done I wound my right arm up and slapped the shit out of him which made him slip and stumble over. I had won but it wasn’t over, he tackled me and began laying in punches yelling at me that I had punched him (it was a slap!) I fought back a bit until it was broken up. My knuckles were bleeding which still confuses me as to how that happened. As all of this was unfolding two police officers were doing a walk through the club and witnessed the incident. Grabbing us both they took us outside into an awaiting paddy wagon to a chorus of boos from all the other party goers. We both were still topless and drenched in lube FML.

When we got to the police station the police officers couldn’t stop cracking jokes at us about how silly two topless guys covered in lube looked. In hinds sight we must have but these young cops were acting like massive douches. We both got warnings and had to stay in the cells for awhile which turned out to be three hours. I asked Connor why he started a fight and he thought I had punched him. I told him I had just slapped him back, he apologised, I accepted and we were all good.

We got out of there at about 3am, we got our phones back and got given t-shirts out of the lost property to wear. Connors friends had gone home to Lower Hutt, I suggested we go to the strip club and he happily agreed. We stayed there until 5am, then I stumbled back to my motel alone. If it wasn’t for spending time in the cells that night was shaping up to be awesome, oh well there is always next time!

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