A Night With A John Cena Fan

I met this pretty nice looking chick on Tinder the other day. After a pretty great weekend in Auckland at the NRL Nines I got back to the reality of work in Tauranga on Monday. After struggling through the morning trying to work through a vicious hangover I jumped on the Tinder dating app on my iPhone. After what seemed like at least a hundred swipes to the left, I stumbled upon a girl that looked ok. I was almost going to swipe left for no thanks, then suddenly I read in her bio that she liked watching Wrestling!!!!! Holy fuck my dream girl I thought.

 I waited and waited for a notification to see if she liked me back. Within an hour Tinder notified me I had a match – and it was her! Too sweet!!! We started chatting and I brought up liking wrestling, which to her excitement and to my shock, she invited me over to her place to have a night of watching wrestling DVD’s. A dream come true I thought! I asked if she wanted me to bring any DVD’s but she said she had heaps for us to watch.

I got myself ready and laid all my wrestling t-shirts I had brought from prowrestlingtees.com out on my bed trying to figure out which to wear. I settled on my bullet club t-shirt my friend Bad Luck Fale had given me. I pulled up to her house and I was greeted warmly “do you like my shirt?” I asked, “yeah its cool, is it a rock band?” she questioned. GREAT! She didn’t know who the Bullet Club was – what type of wrestling fan was she!? We sat and talked for a while, I asked her who her favourite wrestler was and she said with excitement in her voice “John Cena” ohhhh fuck god no I thought! The man of a whopping 10 moves, seen one match seen them bloody all ughhh. “Oh cool” I said with a depressed look on my face. “Who are yours” she fired back at me. Each name I rattled off she had no idea who the hell they were. I tried to change subjects and asked what DVD’s she had for us to watch. She ran over to the TV and just when I thought this night couldn’t get any worse she pulled out the fucking John Cena Experience, a three disc DVD set of doom! “Have you got anything else” I pleaded but she insisted she really wanted to watch the doctor of thugonomics. So for two and a half hours we watched John Cena wrestle the same fucking match but with different oponents and slighty different jorts. I kept trying to kiss her but she was glued to this crap, eventually she caved in to my advances and we began to make out. It started to get hot and heavy and I went to turn the TV off but she wanted it left on. So while we got down to business we have John fucking Cena in the background cutting a god awful promo. Let me tell you it was EXTREMELY hard to get in the groove while that crap was on in the background. After we were all done the disc had finally gone back to the menu, we got changed and I told her I had an early start so she released me. As I bid her goodnight I wished her well in her future endeavours to which she said “we will have to do this again real soon, I will buy John Cenas Greatest Rivalries for us to watch” FUCK THAT I thought I would rather watch Eva Marie best of dvd!!!

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