The second night of the weekend road trip took me to Tauranga this past Friday. I left Hamilton around lunchtime with a sore head and an as equally sore penis. I decided to stop in and get a sex check at family planning as for some stupid reason I decided not to wear protection last night. Breaking my own rule of ALWAYS wearing protection, especially in Hamilton. This old weird looking lady is at reception at the clinic. I give her my name and surprise surprise they have me on file! I nervously wait in the waiting room, as people come in to wait for their appointments I can’t help but feel dirty. Finally my name gets called and I make my way into the lady doctor’s room. I explain to her that I didn’t wear protection last night so immediately she tells me that we should do a couple of tests. The first test she did was put this huge looking brush down my pee hole which on the way up scraped the inner sides of my penis to get DNA off it. FML that is seriously the most uncomfortable thing I have been through ….well apart from getting a tattoo on my penis which she saw and of course started asking questions about. The other test was just to wee in a cup which was actually pretty hard after having that brush up there. She told me I would get the results back in 3 working days but until then wear protection.
By this stage it was going on 5pm so I head to my mates place at Mount Maunganui and from there we head to the Mount Melic bar. Its karaoke night at the bar so after two shots of confidence juice my mate and I decide to have a go. We belt out Pinks ‘Just Give Me a Reason’ to a great reaction. By the end of it we got a $200 bar tab for the most enthusiastic singers, we didn’t even know it was a competition! By this stage the night began to get hazier and hazier. I remember lining 5 shots of tequila up and just downing them, I also remember giving shots to this girl we had been chatting to earlier on. She continued to hang around until the bar was going to close and if I recall correctly, she was going to come home with me. That was until this happened. We were outside chatting and she was having a smoke and we decided to hook up. Mid-way through kissing I could taste the gross taste of cigarettes. Now mix that in with my already curdling stomach from all the different types of alcohol consumed and I guess you know what happens next. Her tongue was down my throat when all of a sudden I could feel spew coming up. Luckily I managed to pull away just in time, but unfortunately her shoes got the majority of the spew. “What the fuck” she shreaks and takes off towards a waiting taxi. I continue throwing up until my mate comes out to get me and take me home, top guy!
Well that’s it for Round 2 of the 3 day road trip I am still recovering from what happened. Saturday night’s adventures I will post on Wednesday!