As I stare at this huge turd floating in my motels bath, a few things begin to cross my mind. How did it get here? Is it mine? It looks like a small person, should I mush it down the baths plug hole? Should I deposited it in to the toilet? Bugger it I think, I’m gonna leave it for the cleaners! Last night was night one of my weekend road trip, first up was Hamilton. Here is a recap of the night that was.
As I pull up to my motel I can’t help but be disappointed by how run down it looks. I booked it off the wotif.com website which is a website that offers awesome discounts on motels across New Zealand (and the world). I didn’t check out the motel on the site, I just saw it said “free breakfast” and “luxury spa bath in unit”. “Fuck yeah!” I thought, bitches love bubbly water :p
As I walk in to the unit, I feel like I had been in the hot tub time machine and been transported back to the frickin’ eighties. The paint job in the unit was a sickly custard colour, the bed is as stiff as my penis is when thinking of a Nicki Minaj booty. The TV is the shitty old tube TV from the late 90’s. Fuck.My.Life. Luckily the spa bath is from this century and looks rather delightful, thank god! After a brief dip, I get ready to go out. Scrolling through tinder I find a girl I had been chatting to a few weeks back, I ask her if she wants to go for dinner and of course she agrees. I wait for her for about five minutes at the Italian restaurant I suggested we go too and finally she walks in or should I say, limps in. She immediately tells me that one of her legs is longer then the other, WHAT THE F is that actually a thing. I brush it off and say its fine and I order a round of tequila. The food is amazing, we start loosening up after the second round of tequila and begin to play footsies. By the third round we began holding hands. Time for the cheque! Dinner cost me $260 so I tell ol limpy that I don’t feel like going to town and ask if she would like to come back to mine, she agrees so off we limp!
We drink some more at mine on my stiff bed. I went to the toilet and when I get back she is fully naked and legit says to me “bring that monster cock over to me” what the fuck I thought! She hasn’t even seen my cock, for all she knows I could be packing a little cherry o breakfast sausage down there. We do the business and she seems to be on another level of pleasure, each pump I do she is cuming. “Damn I am good” I think to myself. We finish up and say our good byes. As she is walking out, she isn’t limping anymore! “I FUCKED THE LIMP OUT OF HER!!!! MY LOVE MAKING CURES PEOPLE” I think to myself in my drunken state, damn Mullies on fire.
Well that is round one of the my weekend road trip done, next stop Tauranga for round 2!