Wrong Time To Fart

Wow, what a weird weekend it was. As I sit in the laundry mat today waiting for my sheets to wash. I continue to get texts from the girl I took home on Saturday apologising for what transpired that night. Wasn’t that much of a big deal to me but at the same time it was pretty funny so I thought I would share.

It’s the long weekend here in New Zealand and the weather is mint. My flatmates are away and my Hamilton crew are coming over. The first Corona is popped at 2pm and the Mexican beer continues to flow into the late evening. We play the four kings drinking game like usual and I finally get my revenge on my mate who made me knock on his neighbour’s door naked last weekend. I get the dare card, I have already decided what to dare my mate to do which is to shave one of his eyebrows off. He reluctantly agrees, this makes my job that much easier tonight in the clubs as he is usually my biggest competition but with now only one eyebrow his chances to pull have dramatically decreased.

We get to the clubs around 11pm going straight to the Bahama Hut which is sadly the only place that is really any good anymore here in Tauranga, even though 60% of the place is usually packed with spotty teenage boys that have just turned 18. After sifting through all the pus bucket males I find a group of attractive girls dancing in the corner. I tap my one eye browed mate on the shoulder and we walk-dance over to them. Not having to say anything the hotter girl of the group grabs my tattooed arm “oh my god I love your tattoos” she shouts over the music. I undo my collared shirt to show her my art on my chest. She loves it, I ask her for a dance and we continue dancing and drinking till the end of the night.

Against all odds Mr One Eye brow has pulled one of the group as well. They agree to come home with us to continue the party. We jump in the spa when we get home continuing to drink and finally I kiss my one, she loves it. With a few of the other boys in the spa it was a bit crowded so I convinced her we should get out because I was “getting tired”.

As we got into my room she threw me on the bed. Things heated up quickly, she proceeded to go down on me. She was so great at what she was doing down there. I started relaxing every muscle in my body enjoying what was happening which made me fart underneath the covers. I have those heavy winter sheets on my bed and she was trapped! She wriggled and wriggled trying to get out but the stench got to her and she ended up throwing up on my floor, sheets and clothes. She made such a loud noise that it attracted all the attention from my mates whom had gotten out of the spa at this stage. Bursting into my room they immediately asked if everything was ok, before I could say anything she said “he farted, I couldn’t get out and I spewed everywhere, I’m so sorry”. I’m not sure why she was sorry as it was my ass that did the damage. After a quick clean-up we went back to bed to sleep. What a weird way to finish a great night. In the morning we finally had sex which was great.  I took her home, she kept apologizing for spewing everywhere but I told her it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t dropped a bomb in bed.

Well that’s all from my weekend escapades, have a great week and remember – Play hard, shag harder!

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