Getting Shat on Literally

I first meet Bayley in Tauranga town one weekend. I was catching up with a couple of mates outside a bar on the strand; I hadn’t seen them since school. We were watching all the talent walk past making comments to one another on who was “gonna get it” and what not. It had been 6 years since we had finished high school and these two had always been the nerdiest friends I had hung out with. Since school had finished I had gotten on with my rugby career and was working out a lot, whereas they just hadn’t seemed to have changed at all. To show them how much I had changed I decided to approach a girl in front of them just to show them “look at me know lads!” Even though I was pretty confident that this would work I still had to make sure it would. I scanned the packed street for any girls that looked drunk but none seemed too drunk at all. Finally I spotted one that had dropped her bag and pounced! She was just picking it up when I walked over to her, “are you ok”? I said. As she looked up at me she had the most amazing eyes I had ever seen. They were as green as an emerald. I started stuttering “come on Mullie” I thought, the nerds are watching. “I like your dress” is all I could manage to say. “Fuck” I thought, she grabbed me, kissed me and said “you’re coming home with me”. “WHAT THE FUCK!” I thought, I looked at the nerds and they looked as gobsmacked as me! Later on I found out Bayley was on the lookout for a guy to take home because her step brother was up from wellington that she used to fuck and she wanted to rub a guy in his face.

I think Bayley intended this to be a one night stand because after we finished rooting – which was pretty mundane to be honest, she started doing the fake yawning. “Fuck!” I thought, hey that’s my graft! I thought well if this is a one night stand I need to take a souvenir. I still couldn’t get over how cool her eyes were; she had all these photos over her wall of her and all her friends. While she went to the toilet to wash out all the cum I got changed, grabbed a few photos, stuffed them in my pocket and proceeded to leave.

The following Tuesday I took the photos to rugby practice to show the boys. They all asked what her name was, shit I never asked for it, typical. One of the boys noticed it was on the back of one of the photos. I couldn’t get home fast enough to find her on Facebook, I found her and sent her a message. She was kinda creeped out how I found her, I convinced her she told me, and luckily she believed me. I wasn’t going to tell her the truth that I stole a couple of her photos that’s creepy! 😛

I started browsing her profile noticing she liked some weird shit, stuff like “two girls one cup” and “Goatse” which to all of you that don’t know what that is – its poo porn etc., really fucked up shit. I didn’t think much of it as we continued to talk for ages. I still lived in Hamilton and she lived in Otumoetai in Tauranga. Her parents were away one weekend and she invited me over to have a crazy sex session, as she put it. I turned up there and was greeted with tequila shot after tequila shot until the bottle was demolished.

WARNING READERS THIS PART IS MESSED UP

We started fucking with the lights on dim so I was fixated on her eyes, she was so hot. The sex though was just boring; she lay there like a dead person while I wiggled my arse back and forth. Suddenly out of nowhere she rolled me and suddenly she was on top, penis not even falling out, rather skilful of her. She lent in and whispered in my ear “do you wanna try something crazy?” here we go I thought, we are gonna have anal. “Yes of coarse” I whispered back. Then she whispered the unthinkable “can I shit on you” WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK I thought WHY IS THIS HOT GIRL WANTING TO POO ON ME!! Arhhhhh I quickly contemplated it and then I whispered back… “ok” now before you ask why, I did it so I could tell the story to the boys. Looking back I wish I said no no no NOOOO. But alas I continue, she reverse cow girled on me. The next thing I know in my drunken haze I’m staring into her bum hole. It gradually begins to expand and slowly but surely this log of doom starts to appear. As soon as it touches my stomach I freaked out “Ewww yuck what the fuck” I scream. She starts laughing and starts to make out that its normal and I’m the weird one for not letting her finish. “Finish in the toilet you weirdo!” I scream. She walks to the toilet with half a shit hanging out of her arse. I take off, poo smudge on my tummy and all I jump in my car not realising I would probably be over the limit. I zoom to my parent’s place and shower for what seemed like an hour using every different type of soap I could find. Safe to say I deleted and blocked Bayley on Facebook, moral of the story – if you see that someone likes poo porn on Facebook INVESTIGATE THAT SHIT. (No pun intended :P)

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