This story I’m about to tell you hurts just thinking about, but like all things you live and you learn.
I met this insanely hot girl last year on twitter we did the usual bullshit like “hi” “thanks for the follow” “where are you from” that type of thing and that was that. I downloaded the tinder app about a month or two later and found her on there as she was up visiting her family in Hamilton. We continued talking and before I knew it I was flying down to Invercargill to meet her. Invercargill is located at the bottom of the South Island of New Zealand, and is one of the southernmost cities in the world. She met me at the airport and the pictures did not lie, she was incredibly hot – one of those girls you have a physical attraction with as soon as you see her.
We started driving back to her place and as I was looking out the window I counted three different groups of skin heads. That’s weird I thought. We got to her place on Inglewood road, as I opened the front door a massive nazi swastika engulfed the whole wall in the lounge. “What the fuck is that” I asked, “my family and I are white enthusiasts” she explained. Jeez I thought, what have I got myself into. Luckily her family were away for the weekend. As we entered her bedroom it just got worse, a poster of hitler was proudly hung over her bed. I tried to tell her how fucked up this is but she was clearly delusional. I can’t stay here I thought, I quickly texted mum to ring me to tell me she was really sick so I could fly back (such a great tactic to get out of sticky situations).
I broke the news to her and she understood, she insisted we have sex before I go, she was hot so of coarse I said yes. We were fucking doggy style, incredible sex although I kept looking up and seeing the ridiculous poster of Hitler which made me go faster because I just wanted this to be finished and right as I was about to come I pulled back too far and my dick came out. I didn’t realise it, and as I thrust forward again, instead of going back into her vagina my dick stuck in her bum crack not into her asshole, but her crack, between her butt cheeks, it folded in half like a reluctant piece of paper that had been folded too many times. I yelped in pain. I thought I had broken my dick! It swelled up a little, the girl told me to stay the night but I HAD TO GET HOME. She dropped me back at the airport and even let me keep the frozen peas I had been using for the swelling.
It took about a week for the swelling to go down but worse than that it took over a year for Psycho Von Hilter to get the message that I wasn’t interested. Moral of the story is before meeting a girl make sure she isn’t a white supremacist or “white enthusiast” as she called it.